Do we keep quiet about child trust fund?

[AuntieSoap]

DD’s child trust fund matures shortly and I’ve been paying into it every month for 18 years. I split with her dad (exH) in 2015 but even when we were married, it was only me that paid in. ExH is really stingy, earns well into six figures but only pays the bare minimum maintenance and thinks I’m ripping him off in the process.

The CTF is now worth about £16k and so my plan was always to say that’s her parental contribution for university. She’ll only get the minimum loan as my salary is over the threshold, but I’m a single parent with two kids, a hefty mortgage and commuting costs etc so don’t have loads of spare cash. I’m fine, not crying poverty, just giving the full picture.

ExH knows that’s DD has a child trust fund but doesn’t know how much it is. Ideally, he would contribute half of DD’s university parental contribution to make it up to the equivalent of maximum loan. However, if he knows that DD is coming into this money, the likelihood is he won’t help her financially. If he was to pay ‘his share’, some of the CTF money could go towards a lifetime ISA or travelling, or anything really. It’s DD’s money and technically, she can do what she wants with it.

Anyway, I don’t want DD to lie, or put her in a difficult position, but it’s not her dad’s business how much she’s got in the bank. Am I being unreasonable to encourage DD to keep schtum about this, or is that a burden too great for an 18-year old? I suspect it is, so any ideas on how to play this are gratefully received.

£250 a week allowance? On top of CTF money? Wow! 🤩 Lucky girl!

and you have 9 children according to another thread?!!

Going by @DragonFly98 posting history… i’d say this was wishful thinking

My ExH stopped paying CM the second it turned 31st August as DD started uni in the September and hasn't contributed a penny since.

DD gets minimum maintenance loan which I top up by paying for her accommodation. I appreciate not everyone can afford to do this and some DC will have to use savings.

I didn't add to her CTF but paid into a savings account until she started university and she's intending to leave that account alone for a house deposit or other major expenses later on. But it's also there is circumstances change and she needs it for expenses.

I think you have me mixed up with someone else my dh is a high earner.

and you have 9 children? and know the front back and sides of our benefit system? and thinks that spending £50 a week on groceries for two people is totally “normal”?

Yes 9 children and we certainly could not afford that many without dh's wage. Only one is university age atm.
I hope I know plenty about the benefit system I volunteer as a benefit's advisor. Of course £50 a week for two people is normal if you cook from scratch and don't drink alcohol. My weekly grocery bill is not over £550!

Bad maths there, it's not over £275.

£275? 😐

I'd be wary about encouraging your daughter to lie about this (even if it's by omission). I'd leave her to deal with her Dad completely on her own and leave her to make her own decisions. I know he should contribute to her uni costs but that isn't something that you have control over.

I'd explain to your daughter that if her dad knows how much CTF she has, she will end up paying for uni from it. And if he doesn't, he might contribute to uni and she will still have the CTF money at the end. So it's in her interests to keep quiet. Or to agree to have it locked away in an ISA or on trust until she is 25.

As to her coming into the money at 18....unless she is a sensible type who listens to advice, that's a nightmare waiting to happen.

A DC of mine came into a substantial amount at that age, I couldn't lie but if I have one regret it's that I wish I had lied to them and told them it was locked away until they were 25. They could have put a sizeable deposit on a house but decided they knew best and frittered it away over 2 years.

Now, at 27 they have said they also wish I'd just told them it was locked away.

Yes we don't spend above £25 per person a week on groceries. Admittedly economies of scale come into play but I still stand by £50 week being a normal amount to spend on a supermarket shop food only for two people.

It's not £500 to raise her tho. Mom has her a bit more than 50% so he's paying £500 for his say 40% of time away from her. Plus his own costs for the 40% of the time.

Op he even remember? She could just say oh Mom changed it to 21 years ago if that means he'll hassle her less.

all 9 of your children live at home?

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Thanks for the food for thought and the advice, Mumsnet. I've got a few weeks to ponder this 😊

When not at uni yes, I don't understand what your point is. I rarely discuss family income on money I was just mildly irritated by the question re squandering so I wanted to explain that my dd is not hard done by.

Actually I did need a car at uni doing a vocational degree with 800 plus placement hours over three years and being placed 45 minutes away from my placement meant I needed it

You could have hired a car for the times you needed one, gotten taxis, exoensiveint he moment but over the year cheaper than running a car, stayed in a air BNB nearby for the couple fo weeks (I know people who did this as nursing students as didn't drive or have car access)

It was CONVENIENT to have a car but sometimes things can be hard, can still be done and more cheaply

I think you're DD is the age where she can or should be making her own choices about what's she says, asks for or expects from each parent. She likely has for years already.

oh don’t be a daft. A cheap run around infinitely cheaper than taxis and airbnbs over 3 years 😂

This
don’t tell your child , at that age they are basically bonkers in regard to money and who and how it got saved

Sounds like you have a good relationship with your DD. I would try to negotiate with her to transfer the money back to you and then you can save it for her and pay her a monthly income whilst she is at uni or whatever arrangements you jointly feel would support her best. We did this with our DS as felt he was not mature enough to manage £15K on his own. He has been happy with the arrangement. The advantage is your DD can legitimately tell your ex that she has no uni funds. If he is going to ask because he knows about the CTF give her a portion as a lump sum and then she will not have to tell him an outright lie. Lying to her dad would be unfair on her but hiding the whole truth is, IMO, justifiable given your circumstances. You would have to be confident she would not blurt out the whole truth so it does depend on her personality and maturity. But she surely knows he has not treated you absolutely fairly even if you have made efforts (as you should) not to bad mouth him to her??

I don’t think asking your daughter to lie may work long term, is there a way you can siphon off some and say that’s the total amount. ExH pays more and you siphon off some start of each academic year to help as “your” contribution?

Thanks, good advice