Do we keep quiet about child trust fund?

[AuntieSoap]

DD’s child trust fund matures shortly and I’ve been paying into it every month for 18 years. I split with her dad (exH) in 2015 but even when we were married, it was only me that paid in. ExH is really stingy, earns well into six figures but only pays the bare minimum maintenance and thinks I’m ripping him off in the process.

The CTF is now worth about £16k and so my plan was always to say that’s her parental contribution for university. She’ll only get the minimum loan as my salary is over the threshold, but I’m a single parent with two kids, a hefty mortgage and commuting costs etc so don’t have loads of spare cash. I’m fine, not crying poverty, just giving the full picture.

ExH knows that’s DD has a child trust fund but doesn’t know how much it is. Ideally, he would contribute half of DD’s university parental contribution to make it up to the equivalent of maximum loan. However, if he knows that DD is coming into this money, the likelihood is he won’t help her financially. If he was to pay ‘his share’, some of the CTF money could go towards a lifetime ISA or travelling, or anything really. It’s DD’s money and technically, she can do what she wants with it.

Anyway, I don’t want DD to lie, or put her in a difficult position, but it’s not her dad’s business how much she’s got in the bank. Am I being unreasonable to encourage DD to keep schtum about this, or is that a burden too great for an 18-year old? I suspect it is, so any ideas on how to play this are gratefully received.

No because it's dd's money when she becomes an adult at 18.
Personally, I wouldn't encourage her to lie but she could just not tell him anything about it. I doubt he'll give her a penny once he legally doesn't have to, trust fund or not.

YANBU.

What she has in her bank account, which you put in, is none of his business.

Just tell her it's hers and there is no need to mention it to her dad.

She's not "taking the piss" asking for a father to contribute 50% of further education costs for his own child. Jesus wept.

Thanks, yes he can definitely afford it. He just hates spending money!

Mum can’t actually do anything with it as full control of the fund moves to the daughter as soon as they are 18. Daughter could give the money to mum to do that, though.

she is taking the piss saying she got bare min, we all know giving her 500 a month when he pretty much had them 50 percent is not bare min or close.

But it isn't your money. It’s totally up to your DD what she wants to do with it. If you wanted to save up money for Uni, so that you wouldnt need to pay out so much when she goes, you could have opened an ISA in your own name. I did this and it was used to pay her accommodation costs each year.

Taking the piss out of what? This isn't a thread about child maintenance, it's about CTF. I'm not sure why you're aiming to derail it. Child maintenance is irrelevant to my initial question.

Agree with PPs who have said he shouldn't get to dip out at 18 - absolutely ridiculous. If it's 50/50 then it's 50/50 until the children leave educaction.

I would have no problem saying to my 18 year old that my advice would be to keep that money in savings for a house deposit and not to discuss it with anyone at all (including Dad or other relatives). Then you and her father continue to go halves until she finishes Uni

Why is £500 a month generous when he earns twice as much? Even if he has them 50% of the time, he should be contributing towards the expenses in their other home because he earns a lot more.

I'd hope that if he and the OP still lived together they'd contribute to living costs in the proportions 2:1.

If he has her nearly 50-50, then maintenance will be much lower?

That money is a HUGE asset. Get it in an LISA at £4K a year and she will get the bonus when she buys a house, OR can convert it into a pension.

Why is he paying so low?

@Soontobe60

"If you wanted to save up money for Uni, so that you wouldnt need to pay out so much when she goes, you could have opened an ISA in your own name. I did this and it was used to pay her accommodation costs each year."

Hindsight!

As other posters have said the OP can't do anything with the money. Yes it would be sensible for the DD to put it into a LISA, but if she decides to spend it all on holidays, clothes and spoiling her friends then there's nothing the OP can do about it.

Someone upthread said that students do not need a car...this is not true...my dd is in her first year studying Paramedic Science...she was told in her interview she would need a car for travelling to her placements...she is about to start placements and has to be able to travel to any ambulance station within our very large county often at unsociable hours.

OP, I think all of these responses about child maintenance and whether your ex should be paying towards uni are somewhat irrelevant.

And as has already been acknowledged, this isn't even your money and you don't have any control over it once your daughter is 18.

But I would be straight with her.

"DD, this is your money. It is your child trust fund which I, but not your father, have been paying into throughout your childhood. Once you turn 18 it is yours to control. I would prefer that you made good use of it rather than simply frittering it away on non-essentials. Ideally I would like you to be able to get through uni without you needing to dip into it, although this does depend on how much your father agrees to contribute to the cost of your education. I do not plan to mention it, or how much is in it, to your father. This is because I would like him to contribute what he is able to your university education, and I worry that if he knows about this money he may decide you don't need any financial support from him. However, it is your money and what you choose to do with it, including who you choose to discuss it with, is up to you."

you are acting as if this is your money when it is not. It is your daughters and she gets to decide what she does with it.

That’s disgraceful.

id def lie and I’d encourage her to if she wants to go travelling which she totally should!!!!

Have you actually used the calculator? I did it based on him earning £100,000 pa, paying for one child who doesn't stay over and having another child for whom he doesn't pay maintenance. It said he should pay £769 a month.

I know that. But DD is willingly seeking guidance from me.

He’s a successful business man?

Very unlikely he will forget about this so brace yourself for the message asking for a CTC statement imminently

This is great advice, thank you 😊

He earns a lot so presumably successful

He is very careful with money

and you honestly think he’s not going to ask for clarity on her CTC?

Basically your guidance is to take her thousands and use it as your parental contribution? That's not on. She is losing her ctf to cover the parental contribution!