Do we keep quiet about child trust fund?

[AuntieSoap]

DD’s child trust fund matures shortly and I’ve been paying into it every month for 18 years. I split with her dad (exH) in 2015 but even when we were married, it was only me that paid in. ExH is really stingy, earns well into six figures but only pays the bare minimum maintenance and thinks I’m ripping him off in the process.

The CTF is now worth about £16k and so my plan was always to say that’s her parental contribution for university. She’ll only get the minimum loan as my salary is over the threshold, but I’m a single parent with two kids, a hefty mortgage and commuting costs etc so don’t have loads of spare cash. I’m fine, not crying poverty, just giving the full picture.

ExH knows that’s DD has a child trust fund but doesn’t know how much it is. Ideally, he would contribute half of DD’s university parental contribution to make it up to the equivalent of maximum loan. However, if he knows that DD is coming into this money, the likelihood is he won’t help her financially. If he was to pay ‘his share’, some of the CTF money could go towards a lifetime ISA or travelling, or anything really. It’s DD’s money and technically, she can do what she wants with it.

Anyway, I don’t want DD to lie, or put her in a difficult position, but it’s not her dad’s business how much she’s got in the bank. Am I being unreasonable to encourage DD to keep schtum about this, or is that a burden too great for an 18-year old? I suspect it is, so any ideas on how to play this are gratefully received.

so you didn’t receive anything or your received something and it was addressed to you?

In the weeks preceding closure the parents receive a letter saying that this account is about to close and this is the value.

I will root mine out!!

So….
let’s say that only the DD receives the closing statement

and the Op is certain (sensibly) that her father will ask her for how much

how is the DD not going to lie?

He doesn't have "the right to know" the final balance before it goes to the child. The person managing the fund has the right to know what is happening to it until the child turns 18 but it isn't anyone else's business.

it does if it impacts how much he and the OP agree to contribute.

Do you see the predicament? He and the Op will both contribute to the costs but he won’t see this as the Op’s contribution.

I received a letter letting me know that they were transferring it. DH didn't receive anything as he wasn't the one who deposited the money into the CTF.

Did you have a financial settlement & if so what does it state about his contribution towards university fees. I know mine stated that maintenance was paid until the child was 18 years old or had finished further education (ie college/University) but once the child was 18 the maintenance was paid directly to them not the parent.

DS had a similar amount in his CTF and also got the minimum student loan. The student loan was in no way enough for day to day living expenses. We give him a monthly top-up to the loan, pay for his phone, etc. But he has to use the CTF money to pay for his rent whilst at Uni. Otherwise we would have had to cover that (in a sense we are covering it, but we did it in advance by saving for 18 years!). Rent are extortionate - he was in student accommodation for the 1st year and that cost nearly £8k for the year and is now in a shared house with 4 others and paying a similar amount. He will have to find a job to cover the rent for his 3rd year, as the CTF money will be gone.

mine was addressed to both

and your daughter received closing statement

and had your husband (let’s imagine ex!) asked her for the figure and you didn’t want her to lie…. what could your daughter have done?

wrong quote!!

mine too

Well, the thing is, OP, you don’t have to. Yes it seems mean, but you can give her nothing extra at all, there’s no law to say you have to. It’s expected as the calculations are based on your income, but i you can’t afford it you can’t afford it. I had friends and uni who got the minimum loan and their parents just didn’t want to pay, so they didn’t. So they got a job and they lived on what they had. Your daughter will understand though that it is her Dad being cruel here and not you - losing £500 a month in maintenance and you have saved £16k already for her. It is (although of course you want to support your kids, so I don’t say this lightly) her problem, and for her to negotiate with her father. If he loses the relationship because he decides to be tight, he’ll regret it. Just help by supporting with what you can afford, and don’t damage yourself or your other child doing so living on the bare minimum because your ex is a wanker.

I’d explain the situation to your DD so that she understands that she’d be offsetting his contribution. He probably won’t pay anyway though. My ex paid maintenance, but now my son is at uni he doesn’t contribute because I’m on a low income and my DS gets the full loan. My DS has enough money but that’s not the point is it? They should want to contribute. My DS’s bank balance is confidential.

I like the post from @MargotBamborough

We have been in this situation with a CTF of over £30K and worked with DC to ensure they had a bit of mad money, enough to live on for first year (with review after each term) and the rest went into an ISA with a small amount going into a pension.

DH funded the entire CTF and we were worried that ex would get wind of it and ask DC to give it to her (to spend) as money from relatives etc has had a habit of disappearing. So it was a really tricky time. DC proactively said they wanted to keep the money private and they were keen to get some structure around it so it can work harder for them. I think they found it rather overwhelming. I was happily surprised at how sensible they were.

Your DD could set an amount needed per term then tell her dad that you've given her £Y per term and would he consider matching that please. That way, it's clear what you're providing and the CTF doesn't need to be mentioned to him.

From Russell Cooke's website (really excellent firm - have used them myself for an SEN matter, very successfully). It talks through the options for university and continued support for a child.

https://www.russell-cooke.co.uk/news-and-insights/news/children-in-university-how-it-affects-child-maintenance

Can I apply for continued financial support from the other parent?

If there is no agreement in place and child maintenance is due to end when the child finishes secondary school, then a parent may be able to apply to the court under Schedule 1 of the Children Act 1989 to the court for continued financial support from the other parent. Crucially, the child must be or soon to be in education or training, and the application must be made before the child’s 18th birthday.

Many parents miss the window to make the application before their child turns 18. However, all is not lost. Adult children who are in education or training, may apply to the court themselves for financial support from one or both parents, provided the parents are not living together.
It will not be possible for the child to make this application in circumstances where a maintenance order was in force with respect to him/her before immediately before their 16th birthday. This exception makes it all the more important that parents consider making a court application to extend any existing maintenance order before it expires otherwise an adult child could be left without recourse.

If she's not yet 18, I'd seek advice asap in case you would benefit from getting that application in now.

Surely the amount of the shortfall depends on how much her accommodation and living costs actually are, which none of us on this thread know?

The first rule of any negotiation is that you ask for more than you expect to get as your opening gambit.

Exactly. Op wants advice on whether to lie so that he will contribute more than he would if he knew

As an aside, I’m surprised that the child of a millionaire is eligible for student loans

Just to clarify, the CTF final account is sent directly to the child. Nothing is sent to the parents. (One of mine turned 18 recently and I only knew she had the money when she told me).

Is there any reason why her father would think of asking? You might see the envelope but he won't. You can by-pass the lying by advising her to put it all in an ISA, though that choice is entirely up to her.

You had no right to ear mark it for anything in fact. Only one of our children was entitled to the CTF so, to be fair, we didn't add anything to it - the added interest of 18 years was less than pathetic, so I'm glad we didn't.

We decided long ago that it was better to invest money in our names so we could retain control of how much and when we would give any to our children, since 18 is fairly young and you don't know ahead what your child might do with it.

Hopefully your dd will invest it wisely!

No you can't stop them but my uni age dd knows that every £1 she squanders of her trust fund is a £ less she gets from us to support her at uni. She sensibly hasn't spent a penny.

The student loan calculation being based on one patents income gives me the rage - it mostly disadvantages women yet again. You can apply to family court for an order for him to support her through university though. Once she turns 18 SHE has to apply though, so I would send the paperwork in now to avoid that for her

Although it is called a parental contribution there is no legal obligation on either of you to give any money. £16k over three years will approximately make the value up to the student loan she would have if you earnt less so I would just tell her that it is your contribution spread over the three years. Anything he gives on top will be a bonus for her.

I personally would not try to discuss it with him myself. Make the agreement between him and her. You may find that when he is putting the money into her bank account rather than yours that he is more generous anyway if you are out of the discussion because he won't want to lose face to her or any other members of his family that she might mention it to.

Maybe just an email when she leaves full time education stating that from hence forth you think he should be making his own agreement to support her and pay his contribution for university directly to her.

it’s going to pan out like this

He will ask his daughter how much

the DD will either be honest…. in which case he will not see this as the Op’s contribution and discussions re shared contributions of the OP and ex will need or commence

Or

his daughter will have to lie.

That is literally…. it

Why does it disadvantage women? Neither is told to pay but both should.

what would “squandering” look like?

DD spends a fair amount on expensive clothes , high end make up and entry into high end night clubs. She has an allowance from us £250 per week plus her part time wages of approx £120 per week to pay for that If she uses her trust fund for the above obviously that's up to her but we won't then give her the money twice so would reduce her allowance.