Do we keep quiet about child trust fund?

[AuntieSoap]

DD’s child trust fund matures shortly and I’ve been paying into it every month for 18 years. I split with her dad (exH) in 2015 but even when we were married, it was only me that paid in. ExH is really stingy, earns well into six figures but only pays the bare minimum maintenance and thinks I’m ripping him off in the process.

The CTF is now worth about £16k and so my plan was always to say that’s her parental contribution for university. She’ll only get the minimum loan as my salary is over the threshold, but I’m a single parent with two kids, a hefty mortgage and commuting costs etc so don’t have loads of spare cash. I’m fine, not crying poverty, just giving the full picture.

ExH knows that’s DD has a child trust fund but doesn’t know how much it is. Ideally, he would contribute half of DD’s university parental contribution to make it up to the equivalent of maximum loan. However, if he knows that DD is coming into this money, the likelihood is he won’t help her financially. If he was to pay ‘his share’, some of the CTF money could go towards a lifetime ISA or travelling, or anything really. It’s DD’s money and technically, she can do what she wants with it.

Anyway, I don’t want DD to lie, or put her in a difficult position, but it’s not her dad’s business how much she’s got in the bank. Am I being unreasonable to encourage DD to keep schtum about this, or is that a burden too great for an 18-year old? I suspect it is, so any ideas on how to play this are gratefully received.

@Zonder
That's one way of looking at it. Another would be that I've made sacrifices to save this for her with a view to putting her through uni, albeit using what's transpired to be an unwise mechanism.

No, I honestly think he will, hence my post. I was asking whether IABU to hide the truth from him.

Op

he will ask for the statement. He will not sit take your word for it. guaranteed

he will be acutely aware re precisely the implications of a sizeable CTF upon his level of support - so he will ask for the statement.

how close are your children to their father? specifically your daughter

, I don’t want DD to lie, or put her in a difficult position, but it’s not her dad’s business how much she’s got in the bank. Am I being unreasonable to encourage DD to keep schtum about this, or is that a burden too great for an 18-year old?

so if he asks her, which he will, you just want to zip her lip and shake her head?

I really hope your DD has other people to guide and advise her on the best way to use / invest the money. As it seems as though you're going to push her into using it for university as this benefits you, rather than thinking about what will benefit DD.

Her father is quite controlling but DD is a smart kid and sees him for what he is. They have a fairly good relationship but she is closer to me. He can be intimidating and I'm wary of her being coerced into giving him this information when it's none of his business.

The thing is, it's not a sizeable figure. It's nice to have, obviously, but it's not as though her daughter's won the lottery. It shouldn't make any difference to her dad's decision regarding university.

I wonder whether he'd contribute to your younger son going to university.

My son is in his first of 4 years at uni. He is 18. Dad was not obliged to, and so chose not to, fund any of his course as it is at degree level.

Very unfair as dad has a significantly bigger income than I do.

We are in Scotland it may be different elsewhere.

the money is hers, not yours to decide to give her instead of your contribution

and yes the maintenance is irrelevant but you described it as him “engineering“ it. He has one child 50:50 and the other almost that. You’re implying he’s only doing that to save money

and you’re asking whether you should get your daughter to lie to her dad about money so he pays out

I'm in a pretty much identical situation, except the amount saved is a fair bit lower and the ex is useless with money and has none, though he's very free and easy with any money that does come his way, such as when he pissed the money I bought him out of the house with straight up the wall.

It's definitely none of your ex's business how much money dd has and it should be kept from him if at all possible. I have been straight with my boys about this as they know how unreliable their dad is - both agreed with me but I suppose it's a bit different as they probably won't get anything from him anyway but I still don't want him completely off the hook thinking it's all taken care of and he doesn't need to worry at all. If he does insist on knowing, could dd say she has already put it into an account that can't be accessed? If she's happy to do that of course.

All the moralisers saying it's dd's money and parents expecting her to use it for uni are stealing from her should live in the real world. Parental contributions are based on income alone for that year, ignoring previous years perhaps on a much lower income and unable to save; col crisis, mortgage rises, other siblings, other unavoidable outgoings etc etc. It's a fucking shitshow of a system and trying to guilt-trip people who are just trying to find a way through it is very fucking low imo.

It can be left in the trust fund until after uni or whenever

OP says she doesn't have the required amount, so what do you think she should do to put her dd through uni? Sell a kidney? MAgic up some money out of thin air? What?

@Whinge
If I'd saved the same amount of money in an ISA in my own name and used it for the same means, it would be okay though?

I could have put zilch into the CTF and she'd have no options at all then.

i’m curious about this OP?!

And do you realise that he will be counting down until his maintenance reduced and he will ask for a closure statement

Omg, frittering it away on vodka shots and pot noodles from Asda for 3 years hurts my head.

keep it for a house deposit!!

what’s your experience of university? The Young Ones?

I'd try to keep him from knowing. He should contribute to her uni costs as he can afford it.

Ds fed his money into his LISA every year from 18. He did this because he knows that getting onto the housing ladder is going to be the hardest thing to do.

I would honestly sit with your DD, look at average graduate salaries for her field and run that figure through a salary calculator https://www.thesalarycalculator.co.uk/salary.php and use payment plan 2 as her student loan repayment amount. That will let her see how much she potentially walks home with not including a pension at this point.

Then run that same salary through a how much can I borrow mortgage calculator, lots online give out info without email addresses just salary, number of buyers and see a ballpark of what she is allowed to borrow. Then go on Rightmove for your area which is an area she knows, throw a 5 mile radius round it and put in that mortgage amount.

That will help her see that the more money she has for a deposit the better and so when making choices over how to spend her CTF whilst at uni. Personally the first £4k should go into a LISA which she opens at 18. I think Moneybox is still the top recommended one by MoneySavingExpert. It is a no brainer, £1k from the government for her £4k each year she pays into it.

Re her Dad, I would never reveal what was in the CTF or maybe a massively reduced amount and she tells him she opened a LISA.

@withthischoice lots of current students including my nephew eat beans on toast so he has the money to go and get wasted in a club or happily spend £10 per cocktail on a night out. Ds's mate is on a full loan and lives in very cheap accommodation, blows all of his money plus overdraft every year. Not everyone is a saver.

Nope. Cms ends 31st August of the year they turn 18.

Anything after that can be argued through court but that's expensive, no way guaranteed and likely to destroy relationships.

I'm not asking her to lie. I specifically said that I don't want her to lie.
I asked for advice on how to handle the inevitable from her father. Good advice from PPs has been to put it in an ISA for her future. That does leave me in a sticky situation as I'll have to find the money to help her through Uni which I thought I'd saved already. But if that's what it takes, so be it. And if her dad refuses to contribute, which isn't beyond the realms of possibility, that just makes it more difficult.

Hi OP,
I think you (and many posters) are massively underestimating the financial resources that your daughter will need to put her through uni.

Take a look at what she will get in loans - you say it will be the minimum due to your earnings. If she wants to live away from home that probably won't even cover her rent.

Some students work lots of hours to support themselves through uni but having to work a lot of hours means poorer students without financial support are less likely to succeed e.g. working bar jobs in pubs and night clubs until the early hours then expected in lectures at 9.

Many degrees e.g. medical/ teaching there will be limited opportunity for work and some (top) unis don't allow students to work during term time.

I would suggest (after discussion with your daughter) that you ask her dad to support her at £250 a month (halving his commitment now that she is an adult) and you encourage her to put her child trust fund money in an account with a standing order set up to pay £250 each month into her current account. This would allow her £500 a month to live on with you contributing half each - if you think of the child trust fund, entirely saved by you, as your contribution..

She can cover most of her rent with her loan and work in the holidays to top up her income.

When dad asks how much is in the child trust fund your daughter could say - enough to cover mum's contribution to my uni expenses at £250 each month for my course.

Good luck with getting something worked out.

you have said you don’t want her to lie

You have said he will definitely ask her about it

so how do you envisage that scenario playing out?