Do we keep quiet about child trust fund?

[AuntieSoap]

DD’s child trust fund matures shortly and I’ve been paying into it every month for 18 years. I split with her dad (exH) in 2015 but even when we were married, it was only me that paid in. ExH is really stingy, earns well into six figures but only pays the bare minimum maintenance and thinks I’m ripping him off in the process.

The CTF is now worth about £16k and so my plan was always to say that’s her parental contribution for university. She’ll only get the minimum loan as my salary is over the threshold, but I’m a single parent with two kids, a hefty mortgage and commuting costs etc so don’t have loads of spare cash. I’m fine, not crying poverty, just giving the full picture.

ExH knows that’s DD has a child trust fund but doesn’t know how much it is. Ideally, he would contribute half of DD’s university parental contribution to make it up to the equivalent of maximum loan. However, if he knows that DD is coming into this money, the likelihood is he won’t help her financially. If he was to pay ‘his share’, some of the CTF money could go towards a lifetime ISA or travelling, or anything really. It’s DD’s money and technically, she can do what she wants with it.

Anyway, I don’t want DD to lie, or put her in a difficult position, but it’s not her dad’s business how much she’s got in the bank. Am I being unreasonable to encourage DD to keep schtum about this, or is that a burden too great for an 18-year old? I suspect it is, so any ideas on how to play this are gratefully received.

😂

So you don’t think the university experience and studying is anything beyond either splurging on vodka OR saving?

I asked for advice on how to handle the inevitable from her father.

He will ask for a statement in advance of the closure. Guaranteed.

So the only advice to give is to spend time formulating how you negotiate CMS post providing him the closing statement

@Winter2020
Thank you, that makes a lot of sense 🙂

@withthischoice my own university experience? Current students? I was talking about the choices some university students make about where they spend their money, Netflix, Prime, Deliveroo etc. I have a son at uni. He is incredibly sensible, others are not. This is about money, not the experience itself. You were responding to the vodka shots and pot noodle quote. I know as a parent how much it costs me to support my child through uni on minimum maintenance loan.

Perhaps then it would be better to bring the subject up with him directly.

"Hi XH, I know we don't usually talk that much but I think we really need to have a chat about DD going to uni next year. As my income is above A amount, she only qualifies for the minimum student loan. She is hoping to attend B university. We have had a look at the various accommodation options and the cheapest one is C pounds per year, leaving a shortfall of D pounds above what the student loan will cover. Of course, it's not even guaranteed that she will be allocated the cheapest accommodation, so the shortfall could be as much as E pounds per year. And that's before she's even bought any books or food, let alone anything "nice to have" like clothes or joining societies or socialising. I will obviously contribute to her university costs but I am just looking for some reassurance from you that you will also be contributing. Ideally it would be great if you could continue to support her at the level you currently do. Can we all sit down together and work out what her likely costs will be and sort out who is going to pay for what?"

I wouldn't even mention the child trust fund. If he does bring it up, I would say, "That is her money. Obviously I'm hoping she'll do something sensible with it like put it towards a house deposit, but she's over 18 now and I can't control what she does with it."

If he pushes the issue and demands to know how much is in it, you say, "Since you have never paid into it, I'm not sure how it is relevant to a discussion about how much we are going to financially support our daughter through university."

i was responding to that because the poster seemed to think that the only value (or rather no value) of university is related to financial.

@MargotBamborough

Love this!!! Great advice 😊

(Apart from the sitting down together bit 🤮)

Definitely no need to tell him as you know how he will respond.

I remember when my sister got a sponsorship award for her Msc course. We advised her to keep it very quiet from estranged father as he would definitely have used her hard work to cut his miserly contributions to her uni course.

I am sure if you explain to your daughter to keep this info to herself, perhaps by feigning ignorance about the child trust fund, she would do this. With holding information is not lying.

Instead she should focus on what her costs will be and how much he will help her.

And?

It's the daughter's account, not his. None of his business, especially if he hasn't paid anything into it.

The OP could say "oh that, it had about £250 in it I think - whatever the original contribution was at birth and 7".

Personally I wouldn’t have told her how much it was and would simply say it should cover my half of the Uni contributions. Then once everything was sorted with uni in terms of dad’s contribution I would have helped to lock it into an ISA for a few years. My parents continued to manage the paperwork of my savings even though technically I suppose it wasn’t allowed as I was 18. I got them after graduating, which honestly I’m thankful for as had no opportunity to accidentally waste it!

Read the OP re the OP’s concerns
If she wasn’t concerned about the implications of him knowing the true figure…. she wouldn’t have started the thread about it

We told Ds1 that we expected him to invest his CTF wisely, basically for a house deposit, so he put it into an ISA.

It is his daughter

So he is perfectly entitled to ask for the closing statement

If you’re worried about your uni contributions, ask your DD to gift some of it back to you which will then be paid back as a monthly amount to her. I can’t remember how much you can gift without tax implications .. is it £5000? Then put the rest in an ISA locked fully away for 5 years. Seems fair to me.

Entitled in what sense? I can’t think legally or morally that he is.

Don’t forget though, he’s a man so it’s none of his business and lying to him about money is perfectly acceptable

I think it is fine for her to consider the money you paid towards the child trust fund as your contribution. He should pay too so if this would put him off then don't tell him.

Just to reassure you a little bit regarding uni contributions, I received the minimum maintenance loan because of my stepdad s income but neither of my parents were in a position to help me through uni. I worked a part time job and was careful with money but successfully made it through uni, including having my own car and paying for my own accommodation. Although lots of people do get help from their parents, lots don't and are still okay.

I think investing or tying up as much of possible of the amount is a good idea. Even the most savvy and sensible 18+ year olds can have a wobble. We thought it was a good idea to let our DS have access to part of his fund when he turned 18 to help him gain skills in managing his money. He put a lot of effort into researching which account to put it in so he could get some reasonable interest and all seemed well. Then he fell in lurve ... ... 12 months later it was mostly gone, spent on eating out, presents, travel etc. I don't think she led him astray, but he really wanted to impress and thought that living like a salaried 25 year old was the right way to do it. Sadly, it was causing him a lot of stress too, so we now wish we'd encouraged him to put is somewhere a little more difficult to access, at least until after Uni.

I don't think parents get a closing statement but if they do it will be sent to the person who opened and added to the account which is OP. If he didn't add to it why would it be any of his business?

The daughter will receive it.

And the parents receive a letter in the weeks preceding closure to advise the value and that about to close

£500 per month is in excess of the maximum required contribution, so not really a reasonable ask. The shortfall is IIRC about £450 per month. So £250 from Dad (which is half what he currently pays so should be good for him) and £200 from Mum (which is £250/m less that the expected means tested contribution based on her household income - so good for her) seems more reasonable. And DD gets to keep her money for the future. That's how I'd play it tbh. It's no more reasonable for Mum to ask Dad to pay it in full than it is for Dad to refuse to pay any at all.

i don’t believe he has any right to it whatsoever

and in any event that isn’t what the OP asked about

I have advised what she should do.

When this was opened… it was opened with a deposit from the government. That was the very first deposit. Neither the OP nor her husband. It was for the child and addressed to the Parents of the child.

What happened in terms of deposits doesn’t negate his right to know the final amount of the trust fund that was set up and first deposited for his daughter by the government

I just checked and I didn't get a closing letter before it went to DD but it was addressed only to me as I was the one that opened the account and deposited money. DH didn't have anything to do with it and they wouldn't have had his name.