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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

She won't let me in her house

438 replies

Xmasdread22 · 02/01/2024 22:15

I have a friend I met through work. We've been friends 5 years. She doesn't let any friends in her house. We've been on nights out and to meals together but she won't let anyone in her house. I dropped her home the other day and I was desperate for the toilet and she wouldn't let me in to use it. Has anyone else had this before?

OP posts:
Bloom15 · 02/01/2024 22:50

How does one plan not needing to pee? Not drink? Not drive someone home? Piss on the lawn as a PO said?!

margotrose · 02/01/2024 22:50

RampantIvy · 02/01/2024 22:31

Everyone sticking up for the colleague - don't you think it is rather mean to not let a work colleague use the loo when they needed to?

No - there could be all sorts of reasons for not having people over.

NonPlayerCharacter · 02/01/2024 22:51

Hoarder.

Jammydodger1981 · 02/01/2024 22:53

Toottooot · 02/01/2024 22:44

POLIS NOW 999

Show quote history

😂😂😂

Itsnamechange · 02/01/2024 22:53

FreebieHound · 02/01/2024 22:36

Does she have children living with her? I'd actually consider reporting to SS if she does. She's obviously hiding something.

Report her to social services because she wouldn't let a colleague use her loo?
Peak mumsnet

PurpleSky300 · 02/01/2024 22:54

My first guess would be that the house is cluttered or untidy and she's embarrassed. It would need to be really severe to stop someone using the toilet though.

My Dad stopped me visiting his house 5 years ago and I know it's because of mess and general squalor because he admitted it but he won't let anyone help. At one point he had rats in the house but wouldn't let me call out pest control because the house was so cluttered with bags of bottles, takeaway cartons and recycling etc that he said they wouldn't be able to move around the house to assess it anyway.

wronginalltherightways · 02/01/2024 22:56

I think it's poor to happily accept rides home from a work colleague from events but deny them a quick use of the toilet if they need one.

AnneValentine · 02/01/2024 22:56

Singleandproud · 02/01/2024 22:33

DD is autistic and doesn't like other people in the house so I would have said no too.
I don't think it's massively unusual there are lots of reasons as has already been listed.

That’s us.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 02/01/2024 22:56

RampantIvy · 02/01/2024 22:31

Everyone sticking up for the colleague - don't you think it is rather mean to not let a work colleague use the loo when they needed to?

No. Someone who can’t even bring themselves to let tradespeople in to fix broken appliances and would rather go without isn’t being mean.

TellMeWhoTheVillainsAre · 02/01/2024 22:57

You've known her for 5 years. You know she doesn't invite people into the house. I think you were unreasonable to ask to be allowed use the toilet. Were you really that bursting? Or were you just hoping to have a peek?

betterangels · 02/01/2024 22:57

FreebieHound · 02/01/2024 22:36

Does she have children living with her? I'd actually consider reporting to SS if she does. She's obviously hiding something.

People really do like making things up on here. The woman doesn't want people in her house. It's allowed.

LightSpeeds · 02/01/2024 22:58

wronginalltherightways · 02/01/2024 22:56

I think it's poor to happily accept rides home from a work colleague from events but deny them a quick use of the toilet if they need one.

Exactly!

Enforce YOUR boundaries, OP, by not giving her a lift home.

Ariela · 02/01/2024 22:58

We can only let a select few in during winter months - dog is a nervous rescue, and will likely eat them as the emerge from the loo. Particularly if elderly shufflers or men (any age). Nowhere to shut her without door being eaten. New people have to be introduced very carefully. Teenage girls are fine though, they play non-stop ball with her.

biscuitnut · 02/01/2024 22:58

Sounds like she is ashamed of something. I had a work colleague who lived down the road from her auntie who used to say about her leaving her on the doorstep. She thought she was anti social but it turned out she was hoarding. The family found out when she unexpectedly had to go into hospital. Apparently there was no safe route through the house.

messybutfun · 02/01/2024 22:59

Is she called Norma Bates?

NonPlayerCharacter · 02/01/2024 23:00

messybutfun · 02/01/2024 22:59

Is she called Norma Bates?

Unlikely, that family is very happy for you to come and stay.

RampantIvy · 02/01/2024 23:00

Crikey, I'm surprised so many people think it is OK to deny someone the use of their loo when they are desperate.

It would never occur to me that someone would want to snoop around @Hermittrismegistus. That is being a little paranoid IMO. Although, to be fair, the downstairs loo is by the front door and no-one would be able to snoop around.

NonPlayerCharacter · 02/01/2024 23:01

Ariela · 02/01/2024 22:58

We can only let a select few in during winter months - dog is a nervous rescue, and will likely eat them as the emerge from the loo. Particularly if elderly shufflers or men (any age). Nowhere to shut her without door being eaten. New people have to be introduced very carefully. Teenage girls are fine though, they play non-stop ball with her.

Sorry... what will get eaten as it comes out of the loo?

MummyJ36 · 02/01/2024 23:02

Do you like the lady OP? Because I would find this totally and utterly bizarre if I’d known someone for 5 years. I think the fact you’d given her a lift and she denied you a quick toilet trip would really really put me off. I wouldn’t be offering lifts in the future.

MummyJ36 · 02/01/2024 23:03

Ariela · 02/01/2024 22:58

We can only let a select few in during winter months - dog is a nervous rescue, and will likely eat them as the emerge from the loo. Particularly if elderly shufflers or men (any age). Nowhere to shut her without door being eaten. New people have to be introduced very carefully. Teenage girls are fine though, they play non-stop ball with her.

…..wut?

leffirin · 02/01/2024 23:03

I don't let other people into my house. My house, my rules. I'm not ashamed of it, I just know what I'm happy with and where my boundaries lie. I don't go to other people's houses as I know I'll.never reciprocate (and I'd much rather have a night out at an interesting bar or restaurant anyway). I never accept lifts though as I don't really like people knowing where I live, and it's rarely more convenient to get a lift anyway as I'm next to a public transport hub in London.

biscuitnut · 02/01/2024 23:06

leffirin · 02/01/2024 23:03

I don't let other people into my house. My house, my rules. I'm not ashamed of it, I just know what I'm happy with and where my boundaries lie. I don't go to other people's houses as I know I'll.never reciprocate (and I'd much rather have a night out at an interesting bar or restaurant anyway). I never accept lifts though as I don't really like people knowing where I live, and it's rarely more convenient to get a lift anyway as I'm next to a public transport hub in London.

Is someone gave you a lift and were dying use the toilet you would say no?? How
mean is that???

tachetastic · 02/01/2024 23:06

Xmasdread22 · 02/01/2024 22:15

I have a friend I met through work. We've been friends 5 years. She doesn't let any friends in her house. We've been on nights out and to meals together but she won't let anyone in her house. I dropped her home the other day and I was desperate for the toilet and she wouldn't let me in to use it. Has anyone else had this before?

I wouldn't use words like "dirty" or "hoarder" as other have, as they carry the weight of judgement. She's probably just a bit untidy and is embarrassed.

Don't judge her. Just make sure you have a wee before leaving the restaurant.

Fullofxmascbeer · 02/01/2024 23:08

You obviously knew she didn’t let people in. Haven’t you ever asked her why?

whynotwhatknot · 02/01/2024 23:14

my house isnt in a great way i dont invite people in i have let some use the loo once althougb it was a while ago