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AIBU?

She won't let me in her house

438 replies

Xmasdread22 · 02/01/2024 22:15

I have a friend I met through work. We've been friends 5 years. She doesn't let any friends in her house. We've been on nights out and to meals together but she won't let anyone in her house. I dropped her home the other day and I was desperate for the toilet and she wouldn't let me in to use it. Has anyone else had this before?

OP posts:
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Firefretted · 02/01/2024 22:16

Hoarder and ashamed of it?

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ThisBloodyWeather · 02/01/2024 22:18

I know a woman who readily admits she doesn't let anyone in her house (sons, daughter, grandchildren - nobody has been in the house for about 6 years) because it's so cluttered and scruffy. She's a hoarder. I've been a few times to pick her up, and she kept me waiting outside in the car. I've offered to help her clear her house, but she refuses.

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ItsVeryHyacinthBucket · 02/01/2024 22:19

Did she give you a reason OP?

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Xmasdread22 · 02/01/2024 22:19

I know she has broken appliances that she won't have a handyman in to fix so maybe that's it.

OP posts:
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Eva90 · 02/01/2024 22:20

What was the reason she gave for not letting go you use the loo?

It is a bit odd but maybe she is embarrassed or something

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Xmasdread22 · 02/01/2024 22:20

@ItsVeryHyacinthBucket no, she just said no and it didn't feel like I could ask why because it was a firm "no"

OP posts:
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Peoplemakemedespair · 02/01/2024 22:22

It’ll be dirty and she’s embarrassed

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AgathaX · 02/01/2024 22:22

Dirty house or a hoarder. Does she live alone? Does she have family support?

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Toottooot · 02/01/2024 22:23

Maybe she didnae hae bog roll?

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Tonight1 · 02/01/2024 22:24

That does sound unusual.

I'd let anyone into my house aside from no-one can go into my bedroom. And that IS because it's so cluttered and messy.

Loo seems entirely reasonable to use though?! You can ask her gently why it wasn't OK but ultimately it's her space

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MCOut · 02/01/2024 22:25

There could be lots of reasons. Hoarder, unpleasant partner, previous bad experiences with guests, ashamed of how it looks, she could live with someone who is unwell. I don’t think you need to overthink it to be honest, whatever the reason it’s not a reflection of you. Just respect her choice.

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TempleOfBloom · 02/01/2024 22:26

It’s obviously some deep issue she has, whether to do with the state of her house or her feeling about territory or something.

I would tread carefully around it.

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mottytotty · 02/01/2024 22:27

YABU, it’s her home, her sanctuary, she doesn’t have to invite anyone.

If this is an issue, stop inviting her to your house?

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Hermittrismegistus · 02/01/2024 22:27

Why do you have an issue with her having boundaries?

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Christmastreestillinonepiece · 02/01/2024 22:27

I stopped people coming round when my marriage was over...

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mottytotty · 02/01/2024 22:28

Christmastreestillinonepiece · 02/01/2024 22:27

I stopped people coming round when my marriage was over...

What happened?

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Fionaville · 02/01/2024 22:29

Her house is an absolute tip and she doesn't want you to see it, is the obvious answer.

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Christmastreestillinonepiece · 02/01/2024 22:30

When I knew we were done (he was in denial) I refused to go anywhere with him or have anyone round. Wasn't putting on a fake show...

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RampantIvy · 02/01/2024 22:31

Everyone sticking up for the colleague - don't you think it is rather mean to not let a work colleague use the loo when they needed to?

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RudolphComingIntoLandOver · 02/01/2024 22:32

I don’t let people into mine for several reasons including partner who works different shifts so is invariably sleeping, visible hobbies that other people like to judge and I have no desire to explain, and my home is my sanctuary.

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Hermittrismegistus · 02/01/2024 22:32

RampantIvy · 02/01/2024 22:31

Everyone sticking up for the colleague - don't you think it is rather mean to not let a work colleague use the loo when they needed to?

No, I'd be thinking that OP just wanted a chance to snoop around .

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HauntyHoose · 02/01/2024 22:33

mottytotty · 02/01/2024 22:27

YABU, it’s her home, her sanctuary, she doesn’t have to invite anyone.

If this is an issue, stop inviting her to your house?

This.

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Singleandproud · 02/01/2024 22:33

DD is autistic and doesn't like other people in the house so I would have said no too.
I don't think it's massively unusual there are lots of reasons as has already been listed.

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Humbugg · 02/01/2024 22:34

Hoarder

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FreebieHound · 02/01/2024 22:35

What a rude, unkind bitch. It's one thing not "hosting" but to tell a friend they couldn't use the loo is appalling. I wouldn't be rushing to continue the friendship.

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