She won't let me in her house

[Xmasdread22]

I have a friend I met through work. We've been friends 5 years. She doesn't let any friends in her house. We've been on nights out and to meals together but she won't let anyone in her house. I dropped her home the other day and I was desperate for the toilet and she wouldn't let me in to use it. Has anyone else had this before?

Idk whether not letting someone have a wee in your house is a priority for social services right now

I can tell you know if my mates called social on me because I dont allow them in MY home. There would be bridges burnt and they'd be publically shamed by me for their encroaching behaviour.

Bloody keyboard psychologist 🤣

@ATVL96 do they know never to call on you? Have you asked them not to?

Why would my friends call social on me? Why would I ask them not to? Thats proper sketchy to tell people not to call SS on you, no? Like who does that, surely that just shows your hiding something bad?

I live in a 1 bed with 2 kids, while its clean, tidy and organised we have alot of stuff and the "livingroom" is half my "bedroom", I don't want people sitting in my bedroom thanks. I have nothing to hide nor be ashamed of, I just absolutely detest people coming into my tiny personal space and that is actually an acceptable thing, its my home and I'm the one who chooses who can and cannot step into my home. If my friends wanna meet up, we can go have a coffee somewhere or take our kids the park. On top of that my youngest has several disabilities, people coming into my home makes him have full on meltdowns, to the point it takes me hours after people leave to calm him down again. I do have people into my home but they tend to only be people he's okay with, most of my friendships are 10 plus years and they've been coming round since before he was born.

I also have rules and I like my house clean and tidy. I do not like other peoples kid leaving their sticky hand prints on my stuff or moving my things around. Like even when I get a food delivery or a parcel, I go down to collect it. Theres no need for someone to step onto my floor as I'm the only flat on it 🤷‍♀️

@ATVL96 presumably yourf riends are aware of your particular circumstances.

It was DH's birthday the other day, and a friend called round with a card and a gift. DH invited him in and made them both a coffee.

This scenario is normal for us and these particular friends though.

Despite your response, I stand by my original statement. Anything after the word “but”was not acknowledged.

My sister is the same.

The only person she and her partner have let into their house in the past decade is our cousin and her husband. And only because they were desperate for someone to come and replace some lights and fix the burglar alarm, and he's an electrician.
I haven't been since about 2012, and my mum hasn't been inside since she helped my sister move in with her partner in about 2011.

OP stop going out of your way to give your friend lifts home just in case it should happen again. Boundaries and all that.

When did I say I was pissed off?

Do you honestly think people are so calculating that to use your words: "she deliberately caused her friend discomfort and distress in an attempt to satisfy her curiosity."
Do people exist who would deliberately hold their wee in to snoop around? I couldnt care less about other peoples houses, I just about maintain my own. I just needed the toilet 🤣🤣

@Xmasdread22 mumsnet is full of posters who automatically assume that even a simple need to use the loo is an excuse to have a snoop around. Ignore the more bonkers posts.

Either these posters are extremely paranoid or they need better friends.

In my world people who request to use our loo - tradesmen, friends, family, other visitors, just do that without snooping around.

If you weren't driving a friend home, you would have more freedom to choose your route so that you could have relatively easy access to a loo if you needed, You might well already have been at home by the time you needed the loo.

More people have at least mild medical issues than one might think.

And a 40-minute journey one way is an 80-minute journey there and back.

But did the OP at any point say she’d driven 40 minutes out of her when and then driven back? Because if not, I can’t really see your point.

Obviously this is unusual, but as loads of people have pointed out, it's almost certainly a situation where empathy, not judgement is the correct response.

I don't think it's that unusual to use the "need a wee" excuse to get access to someone's house that might not otherwise be given. The very fact that you are so outraged that she didn't let you in for your phantom wee indicates you could care less.

By your own admission you have known for five years that she doesn't want you in her house. If that upsets you so much or causes you bladder or bowel discomfort, stop offering her lifts. At the very least make sure you visit the loo before setting off (which if you have any sense you will have done anyway given what you know about your friend).

The very fact that you are so outraged that she didn't let you in for your phantom wee indicates you could care less.

Have you read the OP's update?

She said she was desperate for a wee, and had no interest in snooping around the house.

I daresay she thought that the colleague might make an exception as she really needed the loo. Saying no to someone in desperate need of the loo is mean spirited.

If you really are desperate, having to wait another 40 minutes is extremely uncomfortable.

So the next time the colleague expects a lift the OP could say "I need the loo, you can take the bus"

Not only did I read the update, I quoted it in my reply, along with my reasons for not being entirely convinced by her assertions...

I don't think it's that unusual to use the "need a wee" excuse to get access to someone's house that might not otherwise be given.

I have never encountered this particular excuse. In fact, people tend to be rather embarrassed about being that desperate for a wee. Occasionally children MIGHT use it as an excuse to get out of the classroom, but I've never known an adult to do so.

The very fact that you are so outraged that she didn't let you in for your phantom wee indicates you could care less.

The very fact that someone could type this, means that they have never experienced real desperation for the loo, let alone continence anxieties or medIcal problems with bowel or bladder. Lucky old them!!!

I agree @ToWhitToWhoo. The fact that some posters will not believe that the OP didn't really need the loo is very telling.

Maybe I'm naive and like to see the best in people, but it's a darn sight better than being too paranoid to allow anyone into my "sanctuary".

By your own admission you have known for five years that she doesn't want you in her house. If that upsets you so much or causes you bladder or bowel discomfort, stop offering her lifts. At the very least make sure you visit the loo before setting off (which if you have any sense you will have done anyway given what you know about your friend).

Agree with this.

I have never encountered this particular excuse. In fact, people tend to be rather embarrassed about being that desperate for a wee. Occasionally children MIGHT use it as an excuse to get out of the classroom, but I've never known an adult to do so.

Same here. In what kind of world is claiming to need the loo a commonly used trick to gain access into other people‘s houses? I‘ve never encountered that.

Phantom wee!!! I've heard it all now 👻
Think probably she struggles with hoarding so we will continue being good friends and I will try and wee before giving her a lift home! I don't want to stop giving her lifts.
Thanks for replies guys, I'm out 🤘

Yes.

She doesn't sound very nice. Accepts a lift but would let you pee yourself rather than use her toilet. So rude.