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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's miserable that my husband doesn't ever want my parents to stay at Christmas

248 replies

Sebantha · 02/01/2024 22:00

My husband and I were talking about future Christmases if we have a kid in future.

He said that it would sometimes be nice to have Christmas in our own house. I agreed, saying that if we did, we could invite my (or his) parents for a few days if they don't have plans.

Mine live the other end of the UK, and I would love cooking a Christmas dinner and hosting them and doing Christmassy things like going to a pantomime.

But he said no, he doesn't ever want them to come at Christmas. (He would let them come at other and of year though). My parents are really nice to him and are easygoing. He wants to have Christmas at home as just us.

I said his attitude was miserable. He got angry and tried to make me take it back, but I didn't.

AIBU to think his attitude is miserable?

Sorry for the Christmas theme when it's post-Christmas!

OP posts:
Wellhellooooodear · 02/01/2024 22:04

YANBU. Sure my DH will have a good moan about my parents staying (he has good reason for this), but he would never tell me they couldn't come and is always nice when they do.

mumsytoon · 02/01/2024 22:05

I'm in 2 minds. I would hate anyone staying over on Christmas as it would mean hosting and I just don't want to do that. Even if dh does most of it, I hate having people in my space. If they are just visiting then I have no issue, but staying over would just bother me especially over Xmas. Can you not compromise, one At home with just your family, and the next year invite everyone and so on?

muggart · 02/01/2024 22:06

He will almost definitely change his mind when he realises how much work kids are. So I personally wouldn't bother fighting about this now.

Lammveg · 02/01/2024 22:06

This feels like a lot of emotion around a hypothetical.

Are you sure there's no other issue with your parents? If not then I suppose he just has different ideas as to how he wants to spend Christmas.

Neither of you are right or wrong, maybe the compromise will be sometimes you'll have parents to stay and other times it'll just be your household.

Notadoormat4 · 02/01/2024 22:08

Neither of you are right or wrong. I don't think his attitude is miserable. We prefer to shut the door Christmas Eve and see no one, it is time for our little family.

Others prefer to be around extended family.

muddlingthrou · 02/01/2024 22:08

muggart · 02/01/2024 22:06

He will almost definitely change his mind when he realises how much work kids are. So I personally wouldn't bother fighting about this now.

This 100%! I've always got on ok with my MIL but I LOVE having her to stay now we have a little one. It is amazing having someone to help out.

Original poster
Sebantha · 02/01/2024 22:09

But it's the fact he's saying ' no they can't ever come for Christmas'.

I would be doing all the cooking btw!

OP posts:
muchalover · 02/01/2024 22:10

On the one hand it's two yeses or a no. But then one person doesn't get to decide everything, particularly when it's all their way or the highway.

StrawberryWater · 02/01/2024 22:14

Alternate.

One year you do Christmas as a nuclear family and then next you go see extended family.

AnnaMagnani · 02/01/2024 22:14

My mum used to come every Christmas (as she was the nice and easy going one)

Even then I think my DH is happy she doesn't come any more. And we were all, including mum, pleased when it was time for her to go home.

You can't decide a hypothetical now, but he has a reasonable point.

FictionalCharacter · 02/01/2024 22:19

muddlingthrou · 02/01/2024 22:08

This 100%! I've always got on ok with my MIL but I LOVE having her to stay now we have a little one. It is amazing having someone to help out.

Show quote history

Neither my DM or MIL helped with the kids, ever. I’m a bit envious of mums who did have some help. Entertaining my mother meant her sitting in an armchair expecting to be waited on.

Tistheseasontobejollytrala · 02/01/2024 22:20

Who made him the boss? If he wants the marriage to have any legs he’ll going to have to learn to what consensus is.

TheCatterall · 02/01/2024 22:22

I wouldn’t want to be hosting and in tip top socialising mode every Christmas for my own folks/family let alone PIL.

maybe consider a compromise of every other year etc?

RatatouillePie · 02/01/2024 22:23

Ever? That's a bit controlling. I'm not sure I'd be wanting kids with someone like that...

Coolhwip · 02/01/2024 22:24

That is really tight of him OP. Sad

DH reminds me to invite my mum for Christmas. He has a lot of time for her because he knows she can get lonely.

FinallyHere · 02/01/2024 22:30

he said no, he doesn't ever want them to come at Christmas. (He would let them come at other and of year though).

This would not work for me in any relationship. Who died and made him the boss?

And is this only since you got married?

V worrying.

DisforDarkChocolate · 02/01/2024 22:32

But he doesn't mind spending Christmas with them other years? Seems fair to me.

SD1978 · 02/01/2024 22:33

So he's happy for your family to come and stay, but wants Christmas just to be your own family, and that makes him miserable? It doesn't. Lots of people have nuclear family Christmas, and lots of peoples wish they did. Some are happy with the big extravaganza, not being downt make him miserable.

SD1978 · 02/01/2024 22:35

I also don't see how it's controlling for him to be saying no......but it's not controlling for OP to say yes............either way someone isn't happy. When there is only 2 people with opposite bikes, I don't see that as controlling

Original poster
Sebantha · 02/01/2024 22:35

Ah sorry, there was a typo in my op! I meant to say:

But he said no, he doesn't ever want them to come at Christmas. (He would let them come at another time of year though).

OP posts:
NYName · 02/01/2024 22:36

When I hear people say this I always ask them how they think they'll feel when their DC grow up, gets married and then won't ever have their parents for Christmas as they only want their little "family".
So no longer treating parents as family

Christmastreestillinonepiece · 02/01/2024 22:37

Well surely he gets to decide alternate Christmas plans not every year? Or every other year you go spend it how you want it with your dps...

Original poster
Sebantha · 02/01/2024 22:37

Also, I wasn't meaning that this would happen every year. Only if we were having Christmas at home, and if my parents didn't have other plans.

OP posts:
Lucy377 · 02/01/2024 22:37

Where do his parents live? And do you see them a lot?

Portakalkedi · 02/01/2024 22:38

I think lots of people maybe feel that way but go along with it for the sake of their partner. I've just had my MIL here for Christmas, as usual, would really rather not have but put up with it for my lovely DH. He's never had to reciprocate though, as my parents died soon after we got married, or he might feel differently.

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