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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No alcohol wedding

1000 replies

KK05 · 02/01/2024 01:39

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 02/01/2024 01:41

Many people do make hotel and travel choices based on driving and therefore drinking. It really should be explained to the guests with as much notice as possible.

I wouldn't be happy to book a hotel when I'd rather be in my own bed if I'm not drinking.

TryThisItHelps · 02/01/2024 01:42

Don’t mention it to the b&g but spread the word as much as you can.

Maddy70 · 02/01/2024 01:42

Yes if guests don't know they should be told as your correct it changes the travel and accommodation arrangements for some

squashi · 02/01/2024 01:45

I'd share your frustrations about having spent a lot of money on accommodation when you could drive. YANBU to think you could have been pre-warned.
Out of interest, why is the wedding alcohol free?

Passingthethyme · 02/01/2024 01:48

Gosh how dull. Take a hip flask!

MiIIieee · 02/01/2024 01:48

It's weird to have it alcohol free unless there's a big back story like the bride or groom in recovery. It's even weirder not to mention it to people as part of the invite/plans.

Honeylov · 02/01/2024 01:48

I’d rather be in my own bed if not drinking and it’s a drivable distance.
I would be grateful if somebody informed me and money could be saved!

Rafting2022 · 02/01/2024 01:48

Assume the groom has alcohol issues as it’s unlikely the venue is dry? If not all very odd!

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 02/01/2024 01:53

That is really bad of fhem not to tell you.

Redglitter · 02/01/2024 01:57

I wouldn't be pleased at all to either have shelled out for a hotel or arranged taxis to discover it was alcohol free. They need to let people know

An alcohol free wedding is a strange option. I cant imagine it'll go down well with a lot of guests especially with no warning

And yes I know, their wedding, their choice

Redglitter · 02/01/2024 01:58

Rafting2022 · 02/01/2024 01:48

Assume the groom has alcohol issues as it’s unlikely the venue is dry? If not all very odd!

OP says both b&g enjoy alcohol at nights out

LaurieStrode · 02/01/2024 02:01

That would be annoying. Hope you can get some money back.

Tonight1 · 02/01/2024 02:03

It's unusual - speak to bride and ask what they're planning to serve

Abouttoblow · 02/01/2024 02:04

Rafting2022 · 02/01/2024 01:48

Assume the groom has alcohol issues as it’s unlikely the venue is dry? If not all very odd!

Why would you assume that?.

AffIt · 02/01/2024 02:05

Could it be that a member of the wedding party or a parent is in recovery or very religious?

I drink, but have no objections to alcohol-free celebrations (I have a lot of Muslim friends and have been to many!), assuming I know that's the direction of travel, as it were.

However, yeah, I'd be annoyed by this, because I'd assume, going to the wedding of two people who I know both drink, I would probably at least have a glass or two of wine with dinner. I live in Scotland which has a zero tolerance approach to drink driving, so I would plan for that.

I hope you can get your money back, OP.

Rafting2022 · 02/01/2024 02:07

Abouttoblow · 02/01/2024 02:04

Why would you assume that?.

What other explanation is there?

Poppins2016 · 02/01/2024 02:07

I have a few thoughts...

  1. are you 100% sure the "no alcohol" comment wasn't a joke, given that both bride and groom enjoy it?

  2. I think many people factor alcohol/no driving into account when making plans, so it wouldn't do any harm to spread the word, as long as you're sure it's not a joke.

  3. If money is an issue and/or the choice to spend money on staying is only due to drinking alcohol, guests always have the option to decide not to drink in order to save money on taxi/hotel costs regardless. Your post almost makes it sound as though "alcohol = must be consumed", "no alcohol = more choice/driving/money saving options" whereas those options are available regardless of availability of alcohol. Having said that, it's always nice to have the option to drink if it's available/affordable... so I understand working around it/assuming it's available.

Tonight1 · 02/01/2024 02:09

I wouldn't be happy with just appeltizer for the event! At the very least they should do some nice mocktails.

Another one with fingers crossed you get some money back.

homezookeeper · 02/01/2024 02:09

What's the cancellation point? If there's a shot at cancelling the hotel then do it quick.

Aquamarine1029 · 02/01/2024 02:10

Are you absolutely sure? I really think you might have gotten some wires crossed and I would ask the bride or groom directly. It would make no sense whatsoever for them to have a completely alcohol free wedding.

oneflewoverthe · 02/01/2024 02:11

Sounds dull af

Keepitweird · 02/01/2024 02:24

Are you sure it's a flat 'no alcohol' or is it that the b&g aren't providing any alcohol and there will be a bar for guests to purchase their own from?

If you can't cancel the room then I'd be taking supplies of spirits to have in my room to then add to soft drinks tbh Wink

madeleine85 · 02/01/2024 02:25

If they’re doing that and there’s rooms at the hotel I wouldn’t be at all surprised if people who are aware have booze in their rooms, or hip flasks… if you’re stuck with the room and want a glass of wine, just sneak a little break for one? Mocktails have gotten so much better though, so hopefully they’ve got a few set up.

GothConversionTherapy · 02/01/2024 02:30

There's no point in saying anything now, what's done is done. I heard of a wedding like this where someone set up a bar in his car boot and everyone was hanging out in the carpark not the venue lol.

Pyramintdreamer · 02/01/2024 02:34

Is it an alcohol free/unlicenced venue? Like an unusual type of venue? If not presumably the venue won't want to lose money if they've customers who want to buy it? How strange

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