No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

The only time I have been to a dry wedding, we didn't know there would be no alcohol. Everyone was a bit annoyed TBH.

Some time later we found out that the bride's sister, who was a bridesmaid, was /is an alcoholic. Just be mindful that something else could be at play here.

Absolutely try to cancel your booking

I think there’s been some miscommunication and the B+G mean that they’re not paying for any alcohol for guests but there will still be the bar open for the venue etc?

We once want to a dry funeral and that was worse. People were visibly upset and many needed a stiff drink afterwards as it was such a sad day.

Maybe Great Uncle Herbert is a recovering alcoholic, or they have a guest who gets crazy silly with alcohol, or maybe to save costs, who knows.

However, I don’t really see the angst. You’re there to celebrate the wedding. Surely that’s the focus, not whether you can have a drink or not.

@JANEY205 If you're not used to drinking more than a small glass of wine at a time (and neither are any of your friends), I really don't think it's a good idea to be driving after ANY alcohol. I AM used to drinking. Quite large quantities at times (such as weddings) but I still wouldn't drive myself even after just one wine. I know it affects my reactions and I think you and your many friends aren't being as responsible as you think you are.

Completely agree. One glass will affect you more if you very rarely drink.

Stop with the sanctimony! The OP has said she doesn't want to pay ££ for an unnecessary hotel stay!

She has no where said she's not wanting to attend the wedding!

Honestly, so many people reading what they want to read, not what's actually been said.

So rude acting like OP is going to not attend her friends wedding, because of the lack of alcohol.

People serve alcohol at funerals? I've never been to a funeral where they serve alcohol. It's always coffee and tea and light juices/water. I've been to a few. I've also arranged one and we were never asked if we wanted alcohol included.

I don't really understand what's your issue OP. If alcohol is not a problem and driving to the venue was too far to make it on public transport, what's the problem? Alcohol free weddings are becoming more popular for many reasons - younger generation not being drinkers and wanting a wedding without added alcohol fuelled drama to name a few.

The last couple of weddings I've attended were alcohol free and wasn't mentioned on the invite.

If she's a good friend, ask her when you both catch up after the wedding.

You aren't from the UK, are you?

That struck me too. All ours were sober.
Edit I now see that will be culture difference

No, I'm not. I learned something today...

I have been to dozens of funerals and all offered an alcoholic drink bar one.

Are you from the UK? Seems it might be a UK thing.

Not at the uctual funeral ceremony but the wake afterwards. I've never been to a Christian wake that has been dry. Are you sure you mean the wake, and not the part in the Church?

I've never had an alcoholic drink at a wedding... I'm fortunate to have only been to two in my life, and I was 14 and 19... but I'm fully aware of "wakes".

I mean the wake afterwards. It turns out this is a cultural thing and only weird to those of us not in the UK.

Yes - here in the U.K if someone dies it is usual to be offered a stiff brandy or another drink. Not more than that. It’s not a party but it is a cultural tradition. It’s understood to help the muscles relax, and unwind from a distressing event. Or we may celebrate and give cheers and thanks to the loved one and the life they enjoyed.

Yes sorry, cross posted. I didn't know it was cultural either - I assumed all Christian wakes would be similar.

Sounds reasonable actually. I could have used a stiff drink after my child's funeral. And one before. But I don't normally drink and get strongly affected by a small amount, so maybe it's better I didn't.

@Goodlard Oops, sorry, misread it. I was thinking she was regretting spending money on an alcohol free wedding. But re-reading it, she didn”t want to spend money on accomadation when she could drive to the venue. Only half read the op. Sorry.

I really want to know their reasoning!

All the funerals I have attended ( too many sadly) have the service, then a wake and it’s usual for a drink to be offered at least, along with tea and coffee etc and a buffet or canapés of some kind. Music (sometimes live, sometimes not) is usually played and we give thanks for the life well lived, guests will find solace and comfort in the gathering.

Same. But if some people want to go to the pub after, they obviously do.
We went as teenagers after one of ours died. Dry wake with family, then we went for few beers to pub he we used to go with him. I didn't even drink at my father's wake. I think it's mainly because that mood and alcohol don't often mix well...

I am sorry for the loss of your child. Unimaginably difficult. In this case, a doctor may offer a prescription- medication to help a parent manage through the darkest hours. My friend was offered a sedative when her dh died, the shock is enormous and extreme.