No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

her hen night was messy = answer

Yes definitely speak to them to clarify before cancelling or telling anyone else.
It could be a recent decided can still change mind, or a misunderstanding.

If its a paid bar then I would be surprised the venue are OK as they would make a lot less money.

Why do you assume its the groom? 🙄

It’s not, but I agree that people who need to drink to have a good time are dull. And no my friends wouldn’t stay over night to drink at a wedding. I’d have one drink and be done and so would they. Obviously that is triggering to the people who do need to drink to have a good time or let their hair down and that’s why they are going on the attack tho. I just don’t see the big deal of a dry wedding

I wonder if at a family gathering over Christmas someone has really gone ott and got hammered and caused a big issue, so the b&g don't want to risk it happening again.
It's a drastic move though if that's the case.
I agree with pp , check to confirm it is completely dry , not just that they are not providing drinks.

If you want to let the bride know you are not happy with the money you spent but dont want to cause tension you could say "I wish I'd know earlier as I could of spent yhe money on a new outfit / better / bigger gift for you. "

I would personally love to go to an alcohol free wedding! I aswell do not understand how people can't have a good time without getting drunk. It says a lot about who you are as a person. I leave events early when people ARE drinking because you can't have meaningful conversations with people once they reach a certain point and drunk people really just irritate me.

I can't understand a hotel venue would completelly ban alcohol though as isn't this where they make the most money? People will probably end up sneaking off to their rooms.

I can’t believe you are drinking at all and driving. How dangerous.


@JANEY205 "triggering"....... the MN put down!

Anyone not agreeing with me, is "triggered"

A lot of people, including me, drink but will not drink anything at all if they are driving - not even a small glass of wine. Therefore it makes total sense to book a hotel.room if you are going to a wedding.

OP if the B&G are drinker I would check to see if they mean there will be no free alcohol but a pay bar. In any case you will habe a good time, alchol free weddings can be fun - I have been to some riotous dry muslim weddings!

Never called anyone an alcoholic. Not even close. I said I’d never stay over night an hour from home in order to drink at an event and so I don’t understand the big deal and would find it odd if OP messaged me to warn me about a dry wedding. Not drinking doesn’t make me constipated and is just as rude to insinuate people who don’t drink much have an issue. But then alcohol is a sensitive subject for a lot of people isn’t it, I could care less if you judge me for not drinking.

Me: Would be much nicer to “come back that night” if not drinking

Janey: OMG the poor b&g, you’re so rude I can’t believe you’d leave part way through the day just because no alcohol…??

🙄

@Newchapterbeckons agreed, but some people have no ability to abstain! They put their needs first and glass of wine is more important! And they then drive..... 🤷‍♀️

It sounds like it needs clarifying. How have you found out?

Of the bride is a close friend, it should be ok to say "BTW, is it definitely no booze, money is a bit tight so if I can drive afterwards, I would prefer to cancel my hotel".

And then spread the word.

But I do think YABU if you overtly tell them they need to tell everyone and make a thing of it at this late stage.

If it is as you think, then it's very poor form. And much as it would be weird to say it's a dry wedding on the invitation, they should have considered this. I think most people would be annoyed.

Is it one of those set ups where the bride and groom don't have to pay so much for venue hire if they manage to get their guests to book X nunber of rooms.....?

When it’s totally legal to have one and then drink? Again, I don’t really drink often and so would not be bothered by skipping a drink to drive home but having one welcome drink and driving home later isn’t illegal or dangerous. What a stupid reply. Anyway don’t want to derail OPs thread further so won’t keep replying, but those attacking me for voicing that a dry wedding shouldn’t be such a big deal can carry on. Like I said, some people get very defensive if you bring up drinking. Drink or don’t drink I could care less.

We have seen this many times before. The happy couple have chosen a venue they can’t really afford. It’s doable if the rooms are all booked (policy of the venue) and they can cut some corners. They have omitted the dry wedding from guests as they know most would choose to drive home knowing this.

I am sure there must be a cash bar, somewhere, but if there isn’t then that is a bold decision. Most people enjoy a few drinks at a wedding.

@JANEY205 if you don't drink often, then why drink and drive, an hour home in the dark......

So dangerous!

But you judge others for taking choices that are sensible?

None of this is about OP not going to the wedding, it's about needlessly staying over!

Of course you don't want to derail OPs thread, because it's you that makes poor choices with driving and alcohol.

I wouldn't go to the B&G over it, while they might enjoy nights out drinking you don't know if there's someone close to them who might have issues they've decided to take into account.
If you've spent the money already and are unable to get it back I'm sure it would still be a lovely night away for you either way.
And while others are saying it's boring and to sneak in alcohol, please try to understand that sometimes people have dry weddings for good reasons. I've been to a dry wedding and it was absolutely fine, no dramas or arguments, no one embarrassing themselves or anyone else and everyone still had a good time and got up and danced.

But that still doesn't explain the dry wedding if both b and g drink....

Religion
cultural beliefs
pate t or other significant guest alcoholic
or maybe they want to enjoy their wedding and eliminate any of the drama that comes with alcohol.

To save money

@JANEY205 it's also totally legal to drink at a wedding, doesn't mean you're an alcoholic either!, or you're going to get pissed or any of those other put downs you've spouted, because people want a few drinks!

Don't insult others based on your decisions!

Stop acting like everyone who drinks at a wedding is alcohol dependent.

I went to a dry ish wedding. It was a ceremony and afternoon tea. It was actually lovely but no one was expected to let loose on the dance floor or dance. It ended at 6pm and was perfect actually. I enjoyed it immensely. I think it’s a tall order to have a ‘loud’ wedding with a disco etc and insist people don’t drink… I have seen this at other events and it can be awkward, lots of self conscious shuffling and guests melting away.

I used to work beside a lady whose daughter had an alcohol free wedding because the grooms parents were (?) brethern, there was no dancing either….they would have refused to attend otherwise.