No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

I'd not be paying £300 if I could drive home and I would be cancelling it if allowed. It not, I'd either take a hip flask or leave early and go to the local town.

I'm not an alcoholic and don't even have one and drive as it's just not worth it (one unit is a thimble full of wine anyway so many people who do completely misjudge) but a wedding is like going out out and I want to make a night of it!

No worries :-)

Well I'd be annoyed at spending money on a hotel room that I didn't need to and if I wasn't warned in advance (so I could take some wine to my room) I'd be MORE annoyed.

I'm menopausal so I would NOT be able to get to sleep in a strange room without 2/3 drinks - I would have the WORST nights sleep and be wandering the grounds at 3am.

What would actually happen is that I'd pretend at the wedding everything was fine and then leave to go home once everything was over so that I could sleep - and suck up the cost of the room.

I'd also be unable to stay up at the wedding past ten without drinking as without dancing and moving around I'd be asleep at the table.

There will be very few people dancing, and many will want to go home at 9.30/10 if there's an hours drive so they can get to bed.

For most people SOME alcohol 🍷 keeps them talking to others, keeps them engaged in the event, helps lower their inhibitions enough to have a wee dance and it makes them stay up longer.

It's a terrible idea not to warn people - if told at the event I'd likely discreetly go out and buy some wine for me to have in the room (as I wouldn't have brought any with me).

Contact the hotel, you can probably cancel your hotel booking this far out with no charge.
You can mention to the bride you’ve decided to drive as you won’t be drinking.
Then drive to the wedding.
Sorted.

@Newchapterbeckons

I organise around a dozen funerals a year (church) alcohol is available only at 1/3 to half and never had music yet at the wake - think it's very personal.

The only alcohol free wedding I have been to was Muslim, they served coke or orange juice neither of which I can drink (issues with caffeine and allergy to orange juice) and the venue refused to provide water saying all drinks provided by the family who hadn't considered water as an option. I knew the bride but the wedding was all arranged by the groom and no water was the least of the catering issues, there were coeliacs, a vegan and someone allergic to onion and garlic, all told in advance but not catered for.

They should let guests know, yes.

I understand why you’d have booked the hotel the night of the wedding, but the no alcohol issue has no bearing on why you’re spending money staying the night before.

just saying because you’re saying you want to cancel because it’s an unnecessary expense, but staying the night before was always an unnecessary expense.

No water! Seriously? That takes the biscuit. Surely the venue enforced that in an effort to make the function break even or something. As you can’t charge for water.
i would leave as soon as I feasibly could.

It's 3 weeks away - surely no-one books non-refundable rooms in this day and age?!

Yes op booked the room so she could have more than a small glass of wine and make a night of it. It is a necessary expense if you wish to have more than one drink all day/evening.

Christianity is a big family involving billions of people and cultural traditions affect a much smaller part of the Christian population, usually single counties with also different traditions within.

The first time I got drunk as a skunk was when I was 19 y.o on my uncle's funeral. The funeral was in a small town in Spain and the party afterwards rivalled any rave party. It was perfectly appropriate ....it's how the life of the departed was celebrated there.

I've also attended funerals in Spain with only coffee, juice, biscuits and sandwiches were on offer.

I learnt long ago never to assume LOL

I'm from the UK and have never had alcohol at a funeral

You havent had alcohol anywhere it seems!!! Positively outraged that someone might enjoy a glass of bubbles at a celebration

Hope you can cancel the hotel, agree you should have been advised at the outset.

The bigger question is why did the B&G not say anything before?

Yes it's unusual and yes if it's true then they should have let people know earlier out of politeness, but in terms of all the people who could have saved money by driving home instead of staying over, they could have made that choice themselves regardless of whether alcohol is available surely? Drinking at weddings isn't obligatory.

I bet they meant they just aren’t providing any alcohol themselves? I can’t imagine a licensed venue being happy about the bride and groom imposing that restriction!

Bloody hell the only way to get through a wedding is with a few bevvies … it’s usually a long day! I’d be taking something in my handbag.

Why? Are you only able to have fun with a few drinks inside you?

Never seen it served at any funeral either.

If you have only just found out I wonder if something bad has happened over Christmas. Maybe Christmas booze has revealed a major alcohol issue with one of her nearest and dearest (or maybe the bride and groom). I hope her guests are kind to her about it and don't abandon the evening, it must be something very serious to make the wedding booze free.

I always get a room with cancellation policy just in case the event is called off or postponed, you just never know with weddings!

I’ve never been to a wedding or funeral where alcohol isn’t served and I’m late 50s so I’ve been to a few!

Personally I would still book the hotel (I don’t drink) if it’s a nice one over an hour drive late at night plus if you want to freshen up half way through the day you’ve somewhere to go. However a lot of people do book travel and hotel arrangements based around if they are drinking or not so it should be mentioned to avoid people getting taxis if they’d rather drive. I would be annoyed getting a taxi if I could drive

And you are outraged that people can actually live their lives without them.

I know you keep saying you never see alcohol anywhere in the U.K……