No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

I find the reliance on alcohol really sad tbh! But then I’d always drive and not drink if an event was only an hour away….People who have to drink at events like this really confuse me. It’s going to celebrate a friends wedding, not just an excuse to get drunk.

It’s really rude to let guests pay for hotel rooms when they don’t need to. At the very least the B&G should let people know it’s a dry wedding so they can make their own decisions about whether they should stay over. I’d happily go to a dry wedding, but I’d begrudge paying £300 for a hotel room when I could easily drive home.

Are you sure you haven’t got the wrong and of the stick? Since the bride and groom are drinkers it seems odd. A friend of mine said she ‘wasn’t doing alcohol, only food’ at her wedding but she meant she hadn’t bought any, and as expected on the day we could purchase as much as we liked from the venue bar. Or could it be a joke since her hen was messy!? But yeah if you’re certain it’s correct I’d be trying to cancel the hotel to drive home.

But that's not the issue, OP isn't saying she's not going if she's not drinking, she like you will drive home if she's not drinking.

So surely you can understand that like you, she wouldn't want to stay over?

Me too- it blows my mind people cant go a few hours without alcohol. As for the "how boring" bit, I'd argue that people themselves must be really boring when sober if literally the only way they can have fun is by getting pissed.

If you are invited to an event you should try to stay for the whole event

I know! It's awful! They've probably got something nice planned for 12 o'clock

The reality is weddings can be very very boring. Waiting around for the photographs. Enduring the speeches unless they have chosen someone incredibly gifted. There is a lot of time waiting at most weddings, not all, but most of the weddings we have attended. A glass of fizz most definitely makes it more pleasurable/bearable.

@newoldfluff the whole event is that day/night only, not breakfast the next day.

I wouldn't go! How dull

My point is I find it very bizarre she paid for a hotel room an hour from her home just to drink…and it there’s no drink she magically doesn’t want to stay. So does seem like a reliance on drinking to the point of needing to stay and I do find that sad. But then none of my friends drink enough we would need to stay if an event was an hour from home…

You seem very invested. Did you have a dry wedding too? Or one that expected other people to stay?

Or she simply doesn’t want to drink and drive. A sensible decision.

Is the hotel on site? If so, I can only imagine a lot of people will be nipping back to their rooms or else spending a lot of time in the hotel bar. If not, I suspect many like you will be cancelling rooms and leaving early so they can drive. An hour is nothing, would be much nicer to get ready at home with everything there and come back that night! I know so would. Keep us posted on how it goes, I’m interested to know how it goes down,

Right and my point is I find it bizarre an adult would choose to spend money on an expensive hotel room just to drink when an hour from home…but then I rarely drink and if I do would have one and be able to drive home and so I don’t get this at all. Once you stop drinking heavily it’s hard to comprehend the people who expect alcohol at every social function to have a good time tbh…

You do know that in order to not drink and drive you would be restricted to one very small glass of wine all evening?
Do your friends never drink more than a thimble of wine? They sound fun 🙄

If guests leave a wedding part way during the day due to their being no alcohol that is extremely rude! Not serving alcohol doesn’t mean this poor bride and groom deserve their guests going home part way through the day or skipping off early…again the reliance on alcohol to stay put is really bizarre.

When did fun equal getting drunk? My friends don’t need to drink to have a good time no. The point of attending a wedding is to see the couple get married, not a piss up. Shocking I know that some people can have a good time without drinking.

You need to get out more! Or loosen up. Shock horror that lots of guests may like to stretch to a second glass of wine at special occasions and they take the safety of other road users seriously 😂

You mean none of you ever have more than one small glass of wine, because that’s what the limit Is isn’t it? Maybe two over the whole day but no more.

I’m not sure I’d describe someone as “sad” for planning to have a second drink in the evening at a wedding. We hardly talking legless here are we.

But you judge away janey, judge away.

My point is I find it very bizarre she paid for a hotel room an hour from her home just to drink…and it there’s no drink she magically doesn’t want to stay. So does seem like a reliance on drinking to the point of needing to stay and I do find that sad. But then none of my friends drink enough we would need to stay if an event was an hour from home…

And back in the real world, weddings have drinks on arrival, champagne to toast the newly weds and wine at the table..

So it's prudent not to drive,

But if tradition is out the window, then things change.

You do realise hundreds of thousands of people drink within normal guidelines and staying over at a wedding an hour away does not mean alcohols issues?

I wouldn't drive back an hour from a "traditional" wedding, but I certainly don't have an alcohol issue!

Guess what, I can go several hours and days without having to have a drink! Amazing I know!

But at a wedding I would anticipate consuming more alcohol than I would be able to drive with.

The only reason the OP was staying was that reason, not being able to drive home, not sure why you're acting like it's now magically not being able to stay at the wedding?

If people are wanting to save money they would decide to not drink and then drive themselves. It is not compulsory to drink alcohol when available and it is possible to have fun without drinking it. Those that are saying the wedding will be dull sound immensely boring that they have to consume alcohol to have fun.

Are you sure you've got the right end of the stick? As in there's no alcohol available to buy, or maybe she meant there's no free alcohol on the tables?

It would be highly unusual for any wedding venue to be dry.

Is that you @JANEY205…

Did you read the OPs posts?

No real money issues, but considers it an unnecessary expense if she's not drinking.

States that quite clearly!

I'm sure if she couldn't afford it, then she would have to drive.