No alcohol wedding

[KK05]

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

I also said "I've never been told a wedding is "alcohol-free", but you can judge it based on the type of family they are" - surely you would know.

They're hosting a wedding and invited you because they want you there - what more do you want? Fair enough, there's no alcohol, but you can still enjoy a wedding without it.

Its also in the OP's posts that the hen party was boozy and both B&G were drinking on New Year. I see your point in the examples you've listed but it's not relevant in this case. It's just the B&G being sneaky which is the issue of the thread. Not the posters who haven't read the entire thread and keeping making irrelevant comments about being able to go without booze.

Have to disagree there @LoveLifeBeHappy. Of course you want your guests to have a good time, otherwise why bother?

Very few people are disputing that it's possible to enjoy a wedding without alcohol (though it would be less enjoyable for many, that's just a fact).

The point is that the couple are misleading their guests in order to encourage them to book rooms and save themselves some money. Most people who live relatively locally will only stay over if they're having a few drinks as it's a significant expense.

It's basic good manners as hosts to be hospitable to your guests and to treat them with respect.

Did you specifically ask if there would be chairs or are you assuming you'll be able to sit down?

Of course you can but you'd be less likely to book to stay over if you were not drinking and therefore would just drive home.
No one is saying people can't have a good time without a drink. They are saying that choices like booking a room at extra cost only happened because it was a natural assumption they'd be having a drink. It's not like the B&G are teetotal, it's been made clear that they're not.

Some excellent replies @StockpotSoup

The lack of understanding of what is a pretty simple discussion on this thread, is quite staggering.

What an excellent idea to drive there and back to an alcohol free wedding...... if only OP knew 🤦‍♀️

Sober curious is a ridiculous phrase

Over 900 replies and there's still people not grasping what the point of the OP is LOL

Are people less likely to stay over if they’re not having a drink? I wouldn’t want to drive back any distance after a long day regardless of whether I was drinking, so alcohol availability wouldn’t make any difference from that perspective.

@IGotItFromAgnes I'd be fine driving back, but I'd leave early if I was tired.

Might be a lonely end of the night for bride and groom but that 🤷‍♀️!

Are people less likely to stay over if they’re not having a drink?

Well yes. Obviously.
I would never drink and drive.
If I were at a wedding an hour away I would have no problem driving home if it were a 'dry' wedding.

Ah, maybe that’s the difference, I wouldn’t drive an hour after dark regardless of drink!

Wonder if the people who are saying it wouldn’t bother them not to be told are more like me.

That’s quite an extreme position. I’d have to leave work by 2.30pm for most of the winter if I couldn’t drive for an hour in the dark.

I find the idea can't drive after dark for an hour or places I dint know, to be totally incompetent drivers and shouldn't be allowed near the road!

You can either drive or not!

@DrMarshaFieldstone exactly! From cling shocking these people are driving!!

I have quite bad astigmatism. I’m fine in daylight but it’s more difficult / tiring driving after dark with the brightness of car lights these days. So I don’t do it if I have a choice. Different things work for different people 🤷

I also have a bad astigmatism but I wouldn't be driving if I wasn't safe!

Why would you presume that others are incapable of driving competently because you're not?

I've never been advised not to drive in the dark because of my astigmatism?

Have you?

That was for @IGotItFromAgnes

But you could drive there and back if you didn't drink? Just because alcohol is served doesn't mean you have to pay 300 quid for a hotel.

I have been to an Indian wedding with no alcohol in London - it was fabulous - great food dancing - you don't need to get sloshed to have a good time !

No, because I can drive. I prefer not to if I’m going to be tired / get eye strain etc.

I personally feel safer not driving after dark, so I don’t drive long distances if I don’t have to. What’s your problem with that?

@IGotItFromAgnes because you're talking like you are the "norm" you're not!

Your inability to drive after dark, is not relevant to this thread!