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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

No alcohol wedding

1000 replies

KK05 · 02/01/2024 01:39

So I’ve just discovered that my friends wedding in 3 weeks is alcohol free. I was always expecting to pay for my own drink on the day but it turns out they aren’t having alcohol at all. This was a shock as they both enjoy nights out with alcohol and her hen was messy.

My issue isn’t the fact we can’t have a drink, I would still be going either way it’s that we’ve only just found out.

All in all we have spent almost £300 for a hotel the night before and night of the wedding. Night before was so we didn’t have to try and check in either after the wedding or try to squeeze it in at some point throughout the day. Would never have stayed for even one night if I knew I could drive. Too far for cabs/public transport but would have happily driven there and back. Think country estate. Plus it’s a hour away from home (bride and groom live same town as me). Trying to cancel so fingers crossed I get some money back.

There was nothing mentioned on the invites and nothing was said until last night and even then was just mentioned in passing.

My question is it unusual to mention this on invites? I’ve never been to a wedding with no alcohol so not entirely sure. I also know that a few people going could be doing with the extra money in the bank even if only staying one night or trying to arrange transport to and from the nearest town.

Would it be unreasonable to mention to the happy couple that they need to make people aware before the day? Or AIBU suggesting this?

She’s a very good friend if that helps and it’s not the no alcohol that’s the issue but the extra expense that we didn’t really need to spend. Money isn’t a huge problem for us but I’m still annoyed I’m out of pocket.

OP posts:
NaughtybutNice77 · 02/01/2024 03:11

It's in 3 weeks. It's done. I don't think there's any value to having it out with your friend at this stage. It's her wedding. I bet she has enough to worry about inc those who may well cancel.
How exactly did you find out? Do you think there's a problem with the venue or maybe finances. Even if it's a pay as you drink bar they'll still be some cost. If she's a good friend (good enough to spend £300 on a hotel) I'd ask what made them decide to go alcohol free. There could be a story behind it.

coxesorangepippin · 02/01/2024 03:13

I'd be taking wine for in the room personally

MissingMoominMamma · 02/01/2024 03:14

Honestly, I’d check before telling other guests. It doesn’t sound plausible if they both drink.

Newchapterbeckons · 02/01/2024 05:49

I have never heard of this, and it is likrly to be quite boring. Cancel the hotel room first, then let other guests know asap.

Yes they should have informed guests. I assume a dry wedding is to save money. They probably have a minimum number of rooms that need to be booked at the venue. It’s very cheeky not to mention it before. I am quite sure you are now outside the cancellation window as a result. I would be angry actually op. £300 is a lot!

newoldfluff · 02/01/2024 05:55

I would have stayed over night even without drinking. Otherwise you have to leave early really plus you miss out on breakfast the next day. If she told everyone there's no alcohol they'll all nip off early if they are so desperate for drink.

Zanatdy · 02/01/2024 05:57

maybe the bride / groom drink but according to their religion shouldn’t? If that’s not the case then it’s very unusual and yes it should be noted on the invite as like you, many people will change their method of transport if they know this. You wouldn’t bother getting a taxi if you live locally if no alcohol, so I do think they need to let everyone know. It wouldn’t bother me as I’m not a massive drinker these days but if I was I’d take some alcohol for the room. Are you close enough to bride to ask why it’s alcohol free? An unusual choice if not for religious purposes

GoodbyeKyle · 02/01/2024 05:58

Are you sure they weren't having a laugh when it was said?

Newchapterbeckons · 02/01/2024 05:59

newoldfluff · 02/01/2024 05:55

I would have stayed over night even without drinking. Otherwise you have to leave early really plus you miss out on breakfast the next day. If she told everyone there's no alcohol they'll all nip off early if they are so desperate for drink.

Why would you waste £300 on a breakfast when you can drive back to the comfort of home and save so much money?

KingsleyBorder · 02/01/2024 06:03

How did you discover this? It seems even weirder without context. Are you 100% sure it’s correct?

TerfTalking · 02/01/2024 06:04

The cynic in me would think you haven’t been told because staying on site in their venue rooms has contributed towards the cost.

there’s very likely a significant guest with a drink problem that means they would rather not tempt fate and have them ruin the day.

newoldfluff · 02/01/2024 06:07

Newchapterbeckons · 02/01/2024 05:59

Why would you waste £300 on a breakfast when you can drive back to the comfort of home and save so much money?

So I can enjoy the hotel and stay until the end of the wedding party and not drive home tired after a long day

Newchapterbeckons · 02/01/2024 06:07

TerfTalking · 02/01/2024 06:04

The cynic in me would think you haven’t been told because staying on site in their venue rooms has contributed towards the cost.

there’s very likely a significant guest with a drink problem that means they would rather not tempt fate and have them ruin the day.

The first point is probably closer to it. You wouldn’t make an entire wedding alcohol free due to just one person having alcohol issues. The venue sounds like it has a minimum room policy. Op could easily find out I guess.

NeverAloneNeverAgain · 02/01/2024 06:09

DH and I are in recovery so when we got married we didn't serve alcohol as it were - welcome drinks, toast, drinks on the table all alcohol free - because we didn't want for us and guests from the fellowship to keep having to say we don't drink or having a hand over a glass when people came round to pour drinks. There was a licensed bar though so if guests wanted a drink they could pay for it themselves. We just let everyone know.

If its a licensed venue I think it's a bit odd to impose a no drinking policy on a social event and unfair to not let people know. I'd clarify with the bride and groom if they're just not providing alcohol and you can purchase your own from the bar, or if its completely alcohol free.

Newchapterbeckons · 02/01/2024 06:10

newoldfluff · 02/01/2024 06:07

So I can enjoy the hotel and stay until the end of the wedding party and not drive home tired after a long day

It’s in the next town, not hours and hours away, you must have more money than sense as that sounds like an indulgence to most.

The party is likely to end early anyway as no one is drinking, I imagine many will switch to driving home as soon as they find out it is a dry wedding.

herewego2024 · 02/01/2024 06:10

Maybe they’ve decided to do Dry January or give up alcohol altogether and don’t want to be tempted

winterwonderland23 · 02/01/2024 06:20

That all sounds odd, are you sure you haven't misunderstood? Maybe they're just not providing free alcohol? Even at country estate type weddings there is usually a bar where people can buy their own drinks and you can choose to buy alcohol or not.

Newchapterbeckons · 02/01/2024 06:22

You definitely need to double check.

Globules · 02/01/2024 06:33

If the bride is such a good friend, then confirm with her if it is definitely alcohol free. Or if she meant that the g&b aren't buying any alcohol for the guests.

If it is completely alcohol free, tell her you'll help her to make it more well known, explaining that a lot of people are spending more in the expectation they won't be in a position to drive home.

newoldfluff · 02/01/2024 06:34

The party is likely to end early anyway as no one is drinking, I imagine many will switch to driving home as soon as they find out it is a dry wedding exactly why they haven't told everyone.

newoldfluff · 02/01/2024 06:34

It's really rude to go oh right no booze I'm off home

Goodlard · 02/01/2024 06:36

Rafting2022 · 02/01/2024 01:48

Assume the groom has alcohol issues as it’s unlikely the venue is dry? If not all very odd!

Why?

I'd be irritated at spending money to stay in a hotel for no reason!

PinkyFlamingo · 02/01/2024 06:36

People will leave reception early

Goodlard · 02/01/2024 06:38

newoldfluff · 02/01/2024 06:34

It's really rude to go oh right no booze I'm off home

Why?

It's a wedding, it's that day not the next day that's being celebrated! So if you can travel home easily, why wouldn't you? Why incur additional costs for no reason?

Goodlard · 02/01/2024 06:38

PinkyFlamingo · 02/01/2024 06:36

People will leave reception early

I agree!

Goodlard · 02/01/2024 06:42

newoldfluff · 02/01/2024 05:55

I would have stayed over night even without drinking. Otherwise you have to leave early really plus you miss out on breakfast the next day. If she told everyone there's no alcohol they'll all nip off early if they are so desperate for drink.

Miss out on the breakfast........ is that worth the amount of ££££

People will just leave early to take into account the drive.

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