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AIBU?

My dad is dating someone my age

183 replies

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 19:38

New girlfriend & I are both early 30s, & we both have young children. DF is in his mid 50s. I know it is none of my business but it’s really knocked me for six and made me feel a bit… ew. Not much I can do anyway but… AIBU to feel this way? (My mother and all previous girlfriends have been much closer to his age or older.)

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

556 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
15%
You are NOT being unreasonable
85%
VanLife33 · 31/12/2023 19:39

Id feel feel the same 😑

Whathappenstomyal · 31/12/2023 19:40

Gross

wizzywig · 31/12/2023 19:40

Same. Is your dad wealthy/ well connected?

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/12/2023 19:41

Yeh that would gross me out

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 19:41

@wizzywig neither. He is ‘handsome’ 🙄

OP posts:
Christmasdinosaur · 31/12/2023 19:42

Sorry nothing to add apart from I would feel the same as you. 😑

Doublerainbow23 · 31/12/2023 19:42

I'd feel grossed out too OP, grim

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 19:44

Well I am reassured I’m not alone already! Thought maybe I was being ‘unfair.’ But I did kind of think what the hell are you thinking?! She might be lovely… I do hope he doesn’t have more kids though, he can barely be arsed with his grandkids let alone his own 24/7!

OP posts:
mycatsanutter · 31/12/2023 19:45

Yea I'd feel really weird about that too

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 19:47

Am I allowed to say it’s weird to him? Or should i say nothing? 😬

OP posts:
VanLife33 · 31/12/2023 19:50

I wouldn't say anything..

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 31/12/2023 19:50

They're both adults, why does it bother you so much?

SingleMum11 · 31/12/2023 19:51

Yadnbu

It is icky and gross.

My father married someone closer to my age than his. And it’s ruined our relationship. It’s definitely is our business.

VanLife33 · 31/12/2023 19:53

Would you want your father to ruin your father/daughter relationship over your choice of partner?
I know it's weird for you as it would be for me but you don't really have a say on what he does

SingleMum11 · 31/12/2023 19:55

Let me follow that up. I was naive in that I thought. I’ll respect his wishes. Ignore the obvious.

But it came back to bite me. Wish I’d said it was weird at the time.

Now he’s trying to be young and that means a daughter near his wife’s age isn’t great. So I got more and more sidelined. Wife was immature and wanted a daddy figure. So wasn’t that comfortable with a woman her age, or me, actually having a dad as her husband.

It all just spiralled down. If it starts weird and superficial. Then that massively affects how your father will be with you also. Nothing is in isolation.

wizzywig · 31/12/2023 19:57

He is very likely to pick his new partner over you. Have seen this happen too many times unfortunately. It's really sad

SingleMum11 · 31/12/2023 19:58

VanLife33 · 31/12/2023 19:53

Would you want your father to ruin your father/daughter relationship over your choice of partner?
I know it's weird for you as it would be for me but you don't really have a say on what he does

It’s not a question of telling her father what to do. But this is bank on it 99% a bad decision. And your choice of partner does have a big impact on other relationships. Esp if you are the daughter and they choose a wife near your age. It’s going to negatively affect their relationship.

VanLife33 · 31/12/2023 19:59

I guess if op dad starts treating her differently or behaves differently because of the new relationship then by all means say something but if all is well why stir it up and make it wired for everyone ?
Op have you met the woman? Is she nice?

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 20:00

@TheGrimSqueakersFlea im not sure why it bothers me but it does! I guess I think it makes my dad look like a bit of a perv? 😂 You have expectations from your parents don’t you… I just think this has come out of no where…

OP posts:
SingleMum11 · 31/12/2023 20:00

wizzywig · 31/12/2023 19:57

He is very likely to pick his new partner over you. Have seen this happen too many times unfortunately. It's really sad

To be honest this has already happened. It can either be slow or fast. But a man choosing a wife near his daughters age does by like to be reminded of the uncomfortable fact and will gradually distance his daughter even if she never said a word.

It happened to me.

Nothing to lose by stating that it’s weird. Because it is.

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 20:00

@VanLife33 havent met her! She might be lovely… which would make it easier I guess. Still weird though? Like meeting a mate but knowing they are… ya know, with your dad 💀

OP posts:
Passingthethyme · 31/12/2023 20:02

It is a bit gross so I don't blame you. But if he's handsome it's not that far-fetched for a 50yo to date a 30yo, I did it myslef when I was in my 20s (the older man was extremely hot).

Goodlard · 31/12/2023 20:03

TheGrimSqueakersFlea · 31/12/2023 19:50

They're both adults, why does it bother you so much?

Because the girlfriend is the same age as his daughter? It said it in the first post.

VanLife33 · 31/12/2023 20:03

But she's not your mate....
I agree what a pp said about your dad choosing the relationship first.
Do you get on well with your dad? Will he respect your opinion?

Holidayhell22 · 31/12/2023 20:11

It is gross.
No matter what, I would not be in a relationship with a man the same age as my son. And that is not through lack of opportunity trust me.

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