Page 3 | My dad is dating someone my age

Illbebythesea · 2023-12-31T19:38:29+00:00

New girlfriend & I are both early 30s, & we both have young children. DF is in his mid 50s. I know it is none of my business but it’s really knocked me for six and made me feel a bit… ew. Not much I can do anyway but… AIBU to feel this way? (My mother and all previous girlfriends have been much closer to his age or older.)

Sweetglossy · 31/12/2023 20:35

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 19:47

Am I allowed to say it’s weird to him? Or should i say nothing? 😬

This exact thing played out publicly somewhere.

The dad was powerful and had his money.
New lady, same age as daughter had even more money than dad- so she clearly went for his power.

The daughter of the dad, politely told dad that, dad, your fiancée is the same age as me.

Dad reassured the daughter that there was nothing for her and her siblings to worry about. But the whole public was unanimous in agreeing the daughter was right to point that out to dad.

Things are fine now OP, but you need your dad to be aware that should you need some advice from dad as your parent in future, anything from his wife, should be measured by dad with the consideration by him that you and GF are same age- jealousy, insecurity can rear their ugly heads if unchecked.

Q- what is your concern? Just the 'weird' factor or anything else? If you are concerned with inheritance, just speak to your dad.

Dad won't even engage in a full convo with you, but your discussion on inheritance and pointing out she is your age, will work as a guard when dad is making decisions- men can be mindless, without prior input and if not knowing your feelings.

Good luck. 50s is young! Like the 'handsome' dad too. My dad was very handsome too.

CarrieMoonbeams · 31/12/2023 20:37

@bitterchange , my friend was forever getting unwanted attention from much older guys when she was dating. Apparently she said to the last one (who was really persistent) "I'm looking for a partner, not a friend for my dad!" Ouch!!!

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 31/12/2023 20:41

Your feelings might be valid, OP, but they're irrelevant. I mean, God forbid two people should be happy. The type of judgement in these comments is exactly why some people stay or end up in relationships not right or them.

Unless your dad is vulnerable or you think he's being taken advantage of, you need to mind your own business.

Farwell · 31/12/2023 20:44

I have a friend who is happily married to a man who has children older than her. She gets on well with her 'stepchildren', but it is not that kind of relationship. They all love the dad, just in different ways.

PeggyPoggleshaw · 31/12/2023 20:45

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 31/12/2023 20:41

Your feelings might be valid, OP, but they're irrelevant. I mean, God forbid two people should be happy. The type of judgement in these comments is exactly why some people stay or end up in relationships not right or them.

Unless your dad is vulnerable or you think he's being taken advantage of, you need to mind your own business.

Spot on. 👏

Frangipanyoul8r · 31/12/2023 20:47

It’s bound to make you feel uncomfortable. Tell your dad, it’ll just be the elephant in the room otherwise.

muchalover · 31/12/2023 20:49

I get it's weird but he did have intimate relationships with people your current age before, when he was also the same age. It's not new for him. He also had intimate relationships with younger women when he was young.

EmporiumHawkins · 31/12/2023 20:50

to be equal and all, ladies have the term "Cougar women" and even a tv show based on the concept.

that said i know it doesent make it any better

Sweetglossy · 31/12/2023 20:53

Frangipanyoul8r · 31/12/2023 20:47

It’s bound to make you feel uncomfortable. Tell your dad, it’ll just be the elephant in the room otherwise.

Otherwise what I also said. We are not saying op must say it as a disapproval- just saying it. Job done! Plus any inheritance concerns if any- who knows, maybe your dad is poor so inheritance may not be a concern of yours. Dad will be relieved to know you are fine.

Original poster

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 20:54

I’m not worried about inheritance, he doesn’t have a pot to piss in. Just a nice face 😂

OP posts:

Nevermind31 · 31/12/2023 20:54

I think the older we get the less the age gap matters. She isn’t “young” as such, has life experience etc, your dad isn’t that old (I once thought that at 50 you were ancient, but approaching that, it really isn’t).
I’d imagine he would be less thrilled though to have small children in the house again…

Supergirl1958 · 31/12/2023 20:55

My dsis is in her late 30s and engaged to a man in his 50s. She’s always been miserable with men her own age and he makes her happier than she’s ever been in her life before. We are aware the family are going to make it hard for them once the truth comes out, but they make each other happy and that’s the main thing for me. I was a bit ‘ugh’ when she told me in April. But as the year has progressed I can see she has been happier than she has ever been before, and more settled after two mental breakdowns and having been sectioned twice. So try to see the bigger picture rather than the age gap! Yabu! Sorry!

Original poster

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 20:59

@Supergirl1958 but that is late 30s as opposed to early 30s potential 10 years difference. If she was 39 I would feel differently I think! Also.. you are coming at it from the opposite angle. The sibling of the younger member rather than the child of the older member… it is complicated. I hope she’s a nice woman.

OP posts:

bitterchange · 31/12/2023 21:00

CarrieMoonbeams · 31/12/2023 20:37

@bitterchange , my friend was forever getting unwanted attention from much older guys when she was dating. Apparently she said to the last one (who was really persistent) "I'm looking for a partner, not a friend for my dad!" Ouch!!!

😀 I'll keep that one in mind.

I'm not even dating or looking for a relationship at the moment. It's after they've discovered I'm single.

Original poster

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 21:00

@Nevermind31 i don’t think it’s the age gap. It’s more the fact she is MY AGE, literally. We share a birth year…

OP posts:

Original poster

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 21:01

"I'm looking for a partner, not a friend for my dad!" Ouch!!!
😀

🤣🤣

OP posts:

StaunchMomma · 31/12/2023 21:01

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 19:47

Am I allowed to say it’s weird to him? Or should i say nothing? 😬

Of course you are! Especially if he's expecting you to be around her.

It's just disgusting.

Lemsipper · 31/12/2023 21:01

not great! He’s a bit of a creepy man and id lose respect for him in many ways but probably would show a neutral front for his sake

Kittenkitty · 31/12/2023 21:05

Are you single? Ask your Dad if he’s got any mates? Tell him you think his pal Paul is hot stuff 😂

See how he feels about the age gap then.

StaunchMomma · 31/12/2023 21:06

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 31/12/2023 20:41

Your feelings might be valid, OP, but they're irrelevant. I mean, God forbid two people should be happy. The type of judgement in these comments is exactly why some people stay or end up in relationships not right or them.

Unless your dad is vulnerable or you think he's being taken advantage of, you need to mind your own business.

It is her business if she's going to be expected to spend time around the woman.

There's nothing wrong with admitting it makes her uncomfortable. That way her Dad might think twice about bringing the gf round to hers when it's not strictly necessary. That's hardly stamping feet and throwing ultimatums around or trying to break them up, is it?!

financialcareerstuff · 31/12/2023 21:06

Not great, and understand the natural ick factor. But I would cut him some slack, as his other girlfriends have all been his age or older..... that would suggest he's not desperately seeking a younger thing, but has been seeking a personality match, irrespective of age. And an early thirties woman is a proper grown up..... so no yucky implications from that point of view.

I'd be more concerned for her, as long term it's unlikely to be gratifying for her....

Sorry for the ick factor for you, though, OP!

Howbizzare22 · 31/12/2023 21:06

I just think it’s no one else’s business but the couples’ When I was mid twenties I went out with a guy much older-late forties. He had no wealth & wasn’t especially good looking but we had a great connection, similar interests and there was just chemistry- an attraction. But my god. The judgment, lack of acceptance and constant Derogatory comments we got from so called friends and even family. And strangers everywhere we went. He had a daughter my age who I never met but I was told she was constantly pouring scorn all over me to the family for no reason other than her disapproval . We broke up in the end as it became really hard to deal with. There was nothing fake about the relationship and it still makes me sad to remember how horrible and judgmental people can be and how they think they had a right to say something to us about it! None of their damn business.

SteadyEddi · 31/12/2023 21:11

couldn't get upset about this. He’s still youngish but the reality is she’s likely to be his carer once he’s in his 70s or 80s.

Also misaligned retirements, with her still working and child rearing while he’s enjoying golf and cruses and child rearing.

blackpanth · 31/12/2023 21:16

Gross!

Reddog1 · 31/12/2023 21:16

There’s not a power play here if he’s neither wealthy nor successful. The woman is likely in control.

On that note, you will need to pick up the pieces when his looks fade and she trades up. Or when his health declines. So, keep in touch with him but say little about his relationship.