Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My dad is dating someone my age

183 replies

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 19:38

New girlfriend & I are both early 30s, & we both have young children. DF is in his mid 50s. I know it is none of my business but it’s really knocked me for six and made me feel a bit… ew. Not much I can do anyway but… AIBU to feel this way? (My mother and all previous girlfriends have been much closer to his age or older.)

OP posts:
TammyJones · 31/12/2023 21:20

Technonan · 31/12/2023 20:12

I was 30 when I met and married my second husband. He was 50. We both had bad marriages in our past. We got married because we loved each other. We were together for 40 years. He died four years ago and I'm still heartbroken. There's nothing 'ew' or 'gross' about it. Be happy for your father.

I have friend similar
Very lovely and happy couple
There has been a few raised eye brows but they have been proved wrong.

Hankunamatata · 31/12/2023 21:23

Its wrong but I'd be tempted to joke well you will never forgot how old I am dad

Lench · 31/12/2023 21:26

A 50 year being in a relationship with a 30 year old isn't that shocking. Perhaps you shouldn't be so preoccupied with your feelings and by making this about you. Perhaps think about whether this relationship with your dad makes him happy.

Floppyelf · 31/12/2023 21:27

Is she a gorgeous Colombian called Gloria by any chance?

Sweetglossy · 31/12/2023 21:27

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 20:54

I’m not worried about inheritance, he doesn’t have a pot to piss in. Just a nice face 😂

Argh, you have ZERO worries then.

If you feel dad needs your approval, or you will need advice from dad in future (do you value his advice?)- then have a chat to reassure him.

If not, leave it all alone.

My dad had a nice face and pots of money too😎 - yes, lots of women after him including royalty looking for a meal ticket- but, he chose mum, a woman with a career of her own. So, dad was smart too. My half- sister- older than us, is a princess :-)

Good luck and don't dwell too much on it.

Fannyfiggs · 31/12/2023 21:28

So your dad is mid fifties and his gf is mid thirties. They are both adults and unless anyone is being hurt or coerced then I really don't see a problem.

It's definitely not 'gross' and contrary to popular belief, 50 somethings are still alive and don't want to be sitting at home with a big slipper and three bars on the fire. 🤣

Sweetglossy · 31/12/2023 21:29

Floppyelf · 31/12/2023 21:27

Is she a gorgeous Colombian called Gloria by any chance?

😂😂

Lampzade · 31/12/2023 21:30

My father married a woman younger than me.
I found it gross and tbh I was embarrassed for him.
When he died, she expected me and my siblings to help with the kids they had together

Ohmylovejune · 31/12/2023 21:30

I knew someone in her 50s who husband was 80. They were still madly in love. Luckily too.

She met him at work when she was 19 and he was nearly 50. When he proposed she wanted him to promise to keep her forever as she was sure her family wouldn't approve. He promised. She told her family who immediately kicked her out and went NC.

They had a daughter who never knew any grandparents due to this and her father's had passed away.

It was very sad. Just because of some sort of "rule" we've made for ourself, people miss out.

Excited101 · 31/12/2023 21:30

My DP is 20 years older than me at 57. Your attitude towards this while somewhat understandable, is disappointing.

Original poster
Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 21:31

@Fannyfiggs as previously mentioned, it is not the age gap I have issue with. It is the fact she is my age. My dad is dating someone who was born the year I was… is the issue!

OP posts:
Original poster
Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 21:33

@Excited101 does your DH have children of your age?

OP posts:
ClareBlue · 31/12/2023 21:34

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 21:00

@Nevermind31 i don’t think it’s the age gap. It’s more the fact she is MY AGE, literally. We share a birth year…

All those saying it's none of OP business, miss the point. She is just stating how she feels. Put it like this, when she was starting school as a 5 year old and her dad sent her on her way with a good luck message, so was the child who is now her dad's sexual partner being sent on her way with a good luck message. When OP had your celeb crush at 14 the person now having sex with her dad probably had the same one, when OP had her first break up and was comforted by her Dad and 'plenty more fish' conversation she didn't know someone her own age somewhere else would include her dad in the 'plenty more fish'. Every milestone as a child the OP had, the person now having sex with her Dad had at the same time.
So, yes, the OP has every reason to find it weird and to be honest, it is weird.

anonimityhelps · 31/12/2023 21:35

I haven't read all of the responses but have read some. Age gaps per se are not bad. If it works, it works. But if you have a. Daughter the same age or make comments that make it clear you wouldn't date this very same person if they weren't the same as you, there is a problem that needs to be addressed.

Sweetglossy · 31/12/2023 21:37

Lampzade · 31/12/2023 21:30

My father married a woman younger than me.
I found it gross and tbh I was embarrassed for him.
When he died, she expected me and my siblings to help with the kids they had together

Oh. Help financially?

You have my sympathy. My good looking and wealthy enough brother has one leech attached to him (not married just kid together) and I swear, we could all hear her demanding more money for the kid saying, when brother tries to say he has given her enough or he doesn't have any more - the child is well taken care of and her private schooling paid for in full at start of aca year and daily need): 'just ask sweetglossy' because she is aware I also have a few Bob.

Trying hard not let the woman colour my relationship with my niece but I am always on guard more than I want to. And, I don't care about money. Just not letting myself be gold-diged any anyone male or female.

Original poster
Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 21:39

@ClareBlue thank you 🙏

OP posts:
Supergirl1958 · 31/12/2023 21:39

Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 20:59

@Supergirl1958 but that is late 30s as opposed to early 30s potential 10 years difference. If she was 39 I would feel differently I think! Also.. you are coming at it from the opposite angle. The sibling of the younger member rather than the child of the older member… it is complicated. I hope she’s a nice woman.

I’m coming at it from the angle that age doesn’t matter! If she makes your dad happy and you don’t know her from Adam then what does it matter!

if she was a friend I’d feel a little bit differently. My dsis is 37. Her partner is 54. My dsis is a nice woman.

Id also come from the angle that, do you expect your dad to remain celibate and single for the rest of his life?

I fully understand ‘the complications’ of the situation, but what it wrong with two consenting adults (regardless of age) making each other happy?

KimberleyClark · 31/12/2023 21:39

I understand how you feel about this but they are both adults and it’s not as if the woman is not old enough to know what she is doing.

Atethehalloweenchocs · 31/12/2023 21:40

Say nothing! It wont lead anywhere good. But yes, it is weird. And makes him look bad.

EmporiumHawkins · 31/12/2023 21:41

@Illbebythesea in your full perspective in a society where some clebs are dating with mixed age gaps etc. why to you , what is most odd about it ?

Original poster
Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 21:41

@Supergirl1958

Id also come from the angle that, do you expect your dad to remain celibate and single for the rest of his life?

No, I’d just prefer him to be not single and not celibate with someone not my age! 😆

OP posts:
MamaGhina · 31/12/2023 21:42

Totally understand where you are coming from. This happened to my friend and she and her stepmum are really good friends now! As her Dad got older and had health problems, she really respected her stepmum for not only sticking around but for also caring for him. I’d try and look for the positives and keep the negatives to yourself easier said than done I know.

Original poster
Illbebythesea · 31/12/2023 21:42

@EmporiumHawkins do I even need to answer this question? I think the reasons would be fairly obvious.

OP posts:
GreenSilks · 31/12/2023 21:42

My dad ended up marrying someone younger than my eldest kid!! So younger than his grandchild!

My brother's gf was pregnant at the same time. We should have been on Jeremy Kyle.

He did what sadly most men do, ignored his first family and became the dutiful dad of family number 2. He asked my eldest to call him "John" not grandad anymore.

When he died he left everything to family number 2. What a surprise!

Sorry nothing positive to post OP. I tried to keep a relationship with him but new wife wasn't having it and they moved hundreds of miles away.

PurpleBugz · 31/12/2023 21:44

My first husband was a child of such a relationship. His dad died when he was a baby and he grew up never knowing his siblings because they couldn't stand his mum was their age. It was kinda sad. If he has kids with her don't take it out on the kids