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AIBU?

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Original poster

I’m done with my dad - AIBU

215 replies

Lilllypad11 · 30/12/2023 18:27

Today my dad and I had a disagreement. I admittedly do always say “who you texting” when he’s on the phone. He asked me last night who I was texting. So I went “doesn’t matter” he said “you’ve been on that phone all of dinner and you always ask me who I’m texting and why I’m texting them so I don’t see what your problem is all of a sudden we can’t ask you”

I walked off.

I ignored him all today. I just chose not to bother or engage in any convo. He then says “I don’t know why you’re still not talking to me” so I said “yesterday you kept probing me for an answer like a kid and wouldn’t leave me alone” so then he decided to flip out and start arguing and said “I’m so fed up of you constantly having a moan lately. You always say it’s your period that makes you moody but everyone and every other woman just gets on with it. Then on top of that I’ve done everything to console you through the break up and I’ve dealt with the tears and the tantrums and it’s now been 4 months later. Fuck the stupid guy who’s clearly fucked off with another woman stop being a loser and waiting for that cnt to turn around and go and find someone better than him. You’re crying tears over some stupid fuck and you’re not understanding that he clearly doesn’t give a sit and had no respect for you. Why are you constantly wasting these tears on him. We’ve constantly been there for you but you need to stop” so of course, I’m not tolerating being called a loser by my father. I got in his face and told him what a loser he was for being such an unsupportive ahole and that quite frankly he could shove new year up his as.

I would also like to add he shouts very loudly so I shout even louder.

I picked up my keys and I’ve stormed off. My mums called me and said come and talk it out with him. I’ve refused. I’m just not tolerating being called a loser. It’s not nice and it’s so uncalled for.

Should I bother listening to his drivel.

OP posts:
Parentofeanda · 30/12/2023 19:35

I would definitely be done with you to be honest. at 27 id expect more than hormonal mood swings :S And your fathers right, 4 months later and your still using it as an excuse to be moody? sounds like entitled brat syndrome to me, cant believe your an adult....

also yes to not talk to someone even a little bit is just plain disrespectful and makes them feel unwelcome how about a " Hi sue, im sorry if im not massively sociable today im just feeling a bit down and vulnerable but ill try to have a nice day and share it with you all" Rather than most likely slumping in a chair on your phone making everyone else around you miserable like a teenager that didnt get the gift they asked for!!!!

LemonLight · 30/12/2023 19:35

Fuckmeicantbebothered · 30/12/2023 19:34

I've got a 20 month old, isn't half as much of a prick as the OP...
Can't be an age thing. 😅

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that made me laugh out loud!! 😂 (also so true)

Lookingatthesunset · 30/12/2023 19:36

Lilllypad11 · 30/12/2023 19:34

For what though. He’s been so rude and unsupportive. What’s the point in supporting your kids just to throw it back at them.

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Sounds like you are the one doing the throwing back lady.

Moll2020 · 30/12/2023 19:36

You’re the same age as my daughter, thank god she’s never behaved like you, sorry but you were way out of line, you need to go back , apologise and talk to your Dad.

Getamoveon36 · 30/12/2023 19:36

Lilllypad11 · 30/12/2023 19:34

For what though. He’s been so rude and unsupportive. What’s the point in supporting your kids just to throw it back at them.

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You don’t have to put up with your kids shit no matter how they behave. You let them know, for their own good, when they are being twats.

Parentofeanda · 30/12/2023 19:36

also whats he supposed to be supporting??? Your disrespectful arrogant Moodyness? that uses PMS as an excuse to treat people like shit?? Nah you wouldnt be getting my support either. now get out of THERE house and learn to be an adult.

Ohnotyoutoo · 30/12/2023 19:37

Lookingatthesunset · 30/12/2023 19:27

I am sure your parents are sick to fuck of the tears and tantrums.

What age group do you teach - 5 year olds?

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I once had a friend that used to call me up to six times per day because she'd broken up with her boyfriend. It was supposedly a mutual breakup, too!

It ruined my entire summer, and the constant crying and questions like "do you think he loves me?" drove me absolutely insane. I eventually distanced myself from her as I couldn't stand to be around her whether she was in a good mood or not. Ruined the friendship with how annoying it was.

I, too, was sick to fuck of the tears and tantrums. I wish I'd said to her what the dad said then. After that terrible summer I learnt it's best to take the direct approach - everyone appreciates it.

AuntySueDoesntGiveAShit · 30/12/2023 19:37

Your follow up post's really aren't making you sound any better Op.

Lookingatthesunset · 30/12/2023 19:37

AuntySueDoesntGiveAShit · 30/12/2023 19:37

Your follow up post's really aren't making you sound any better Op.

OMG loving your username, rofl!!

TheRealLilyMunster · 30/12/2023 19:38

Then on top of that I’ve done everything to console you through the break up and I’ve dealt with the tears and the tantrums and it’s now been 4 months later.

Sounds to me like he cares about you, and wants you to move on with your life and be happy.

There's only so much sympathy us parents can give though, and if that doesnt work (which it sounds like it hasn't), sometimes you just need a kick up the arse.

Get a grip and sort it out with your dad, he won't be here forever, and when he's gone you will see how petty and ridiculous this is.

And stop asking him who he's texting.

fortnumsfinest · 30/12/2023 19:39

He’s an arrogant idiot. I’m fed up of his shit. Dealt with it when I was younger. Not dealing with it now.

So what do you propose to do? You're living rent free in his house, being rude to guests on Christmas Day and get annoyed when he asks you exactly the question you admit to asking him.

I bet they're breathing a huge sigh of relief they don't need to put up with you for the next 2 nights

momonpurpose · 30/12/2023 19:40

Lookingatthesunset · 30/12/2023 19:29

I think someone hit the wrong one by accident!

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Yes!!!

Differentstarts · 30/12/2023 19:40

Lilllypad11 · 30/12/2023 19:34

For what though. He’s been so rude and unsupportive. What’s the point in supporting your kids just to throw it back at them.

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Your not a kid your an adult. You don't seem to realise this.

Whattodo112222 · 30/12/2023 19:41

You seriously need to move out. Its toxic.

CatMadam · 30/12/2023 19:41

I think a lot of these commenters are lucky enough not to have toxic parents so are judging you through a lens that doesn’t apply to your situation. My dad was a narcissistic prick and would often rile me and my mum up then act shocked/like he was the victim when we would take the bait and get upset. It took me a long time to learn that ignoring his wee digs was the best course of action. I eventually went very low contact and it was very healing for me.

To those calling you immature/ a brat- having a toxic parent can often make adult children revert to childish behaviours, because their parents make them feel helpless and childlike.

Lookingatthesunset · 30/12/2023 19:43

CatMadam · 30/12/2023 19:41

I think a lot of these commenters are lucky enough not to have toxic parents so are judging you through a lens that doesn’t apply to your situation. My dad was a narcissistic prick and would often rile me and my mum up then act shocked/like he was the victim when we would take the bait and get upset. It took me a long time to learn that ignoring his wee digs was the best course of action. I eventually went very low contact and it was very healing for me.

To those calling you immature/ a brat- having a toxic parent can often make adult children revert to childish behaviours, because their parents make them feel helpless and childlike.

It doesn't appear to be the parents who are toxic here...

TheSunIsOutAndTheSkyIsBlue · 30/12/2023 19:44

Lilllypad11 · 30/12/2023 18:42

I’m not in the right. But I am
not having him raise his voice at me. It’s really unkind to call someone a loser when they’re experiencing a break up of 6 year relationship. Then say he’s constantly been there for me. Well it’s common sense you’re a parent. It’s what you sign up for.

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Anything we do for our kids after the age of 18 is done out of love, not duty.

So you can afford 2 nights in a hotel to strop off to, but you dont pay your way at home? You strop around blaming your period too? And you broke up with your BF 4 MONTHS AGO?? And are still whining on?

What do you put into this relationship with your dad, at cracking on for 30 years of age??

Goodness, you sound an absolute pain in the ass

AuntySueDoesntGiveAShit · 30/12/2023 19:44

CatMadam · 30/12/2023 19:41

I think a lot of these commenters are lucky enough not to have toxic parents so are judging you through a lens that doesn’t apply to your situation. My dad was a narcissistic prick and would often rile me and my mum up then act shocked/like he was the victim when we would take the bait and get upset. It took me a long time to learn that ignoring his wee digs was the best course of action. I eventually went very low contact and it was very healing for me.

To those calling you immature/ a brat- having a toxic parent can often make adult children revert to childish behaviours, because their parents make them feel helpless and childlike.

Did you read the OP's first post? She was the one that started all this ! Her dad is probably sick to death of the drama .

Indi1906 · 30/12/2023 19:46

You sound like a dick imo, grow up. I was slightly younger than you when I went through a horrendous break up & I still would never have treated or spoken to either of my parents like you have been. Or my auntie Sue.

#teamdad

Bex5490 · 30/12/2023 19:46

#justiceforAuntySue

Bluevelvetsofa · 30/12/2023 19:47

You sound exactly like the type of adolescent that gives young people a bad name. Petulant, entitled, determined everyone else is wrong and you’re right.

How rude to ignore a relative, aside from the argument you had with your father. So yelling and shouting doesn’t get you what you want. Take yourself away from your parents house, get a job that pays enough to afford your own place, if you are the age you say you are.

dogvcat · 30/12/2023 19:47

Lilllypad11 · 30/12/2023 18:45

Oh yeah my dad said that. He said let us know where to leave your stuff because you’re pushing me to chuck you out this household. So I said no worries. I’ve booked a hotel for the next two nights.

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Your father is not being unfair, asking you to make an effort to speak to relatives invited for Christmas dinner, but you are so self centred that you would rather try to make it an unpleasant day for everyone.

Plus, your parents are subsiding you while you live with them, because you can’t afford to properly pay your way? However, you can afford to just book into a hotel for 2 nights!!

I’m not surprised, that 99% of the 387 mumsnetters who have voted, have said that you are being unreasonable. I’m also not surprised that, despite this, you still think you are right. People like you, never think they’re in the wrong, despite overwhelmingly being told they are!

Original poster
Lilllypad11 · 30/12/2023 19:51

Whattodo112222 · 30/12/2023 19:41

You seriously need to move out. Its toxic.

It’s my dad. It’s my dad who is the toxic one.

OP posts:
StinkyWizzleteets · 30/12/2023 19:51

CatMadam · 30/12/2023 19:41

I think a lot of these commenters are lucky enough not to have toxic parents so are judging you through a lens that doesn’t apply to your situation. My dad was a narcissistic prick and would often rile me and my mum up then act shocked/like he was the victim when we would take the bait and get upset. It took me a long time to learn that ignoring his wee digs was the best course of action. I eventually went very low contact and it was very healing for me.

To those calling you immature/ a brat- having a toxic parent can often make adult children revert to childish behaviours, because their parents make them feel helpless and childlike.

I grew up with very toxic parents (unlucky for me in two different homes so no escape) - I would never have dared speak to either of them like OP did. Children of narcissists don’t respond like OP did, generally they’re too scared to and just want to please and keep the peace. We found other outlets and ways of escape. We didn’t start the fights at all ffs.

CleanAsYouG0 · 30/12/2023 19:52

Hi OP, I think you maybe need a therapist to work together with you all as a family.

At the moment there are problems with conflict escalating, and you and your Dad could learn tips on how not to do that. You could google "How to avoid escalating and argument" to find out about that.

Also I think that you and your Dad have different ideas of what rights and responsibilities you have in your household. It would probably be good to get a therapist to work with you to figure out a position that you can agree on.

At the moment though, the most important thing is that you can both stop shouting and giving each other the silent treatment, and start communicating in words. It might be a start if you could communicate in writing, because you can't really shout of give the silent treatment in writing.

If you are ASD then you might find that you communicate far more articulately in writing, and it's possible that your Dad does too. It would also give you both time to consider your responses, which would help with things not escalating so quickly.

Good luck there. I think it's wonderful that you all try to look after each other.