Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

is my new partner starting to get abit weird about money and assets

638 replies

smilingeleanor · 29/12/2023 19:27

Name changed as some of this might be abit outing. My DH passed away unexpectedly over 4 years ago and I have been seeing my partner for about 9 months. Wasn't looking and still not sure I'm that ready but we met at a work conference thing and it's been fun and easy ....ish until more recently

I have 5 children - 4 living at home, eldest DD24 lives with boyfriend, adult DD20 at university, DS19 working full time and then DS14 at secondary and DD9 in primary school. New partner has 2 sons also both 14 who live mainly with their mum - all amicable.

There's been a few things of late concerning me - Started when i was having new flooring laid and he asked how I could afford it on my salary (we both earn about the same - we do the same sort of role so everyone knows the salary bands). He's hinted before about my house early on and I kinda had to say well my husband died but he's been angling for more info since. Life insurance paid off the mortgage plus a payment & death in service. I've mostly invested this and use my salary for the bills - but no mortgage or debts means salary goes further

anyhow I just laughed the flooring question off - but over xmas we got in a convo about a summer holiday. I was inviting adult DD who wanted to go and he overheard me say it was my treat - he was already wanting to go and would be paying himself but he then said can his boys come - fine by me they are nice lads and seem to get on on with mine but he sort made a joke about me paying for them as a treat. I nipped that straight away and said he'd have to pay for them as i couldn't and he got a bit narky saying well my sons and daughter who both work could pay for themselves freeing up that money

he later apologised but tried to say i do t get it as obviously have no mortgage or debt

anyhow - we've had another set to today. Having a NYE get together- DD and her boyf coming and will use the guest bedroom (her old room) as they always do. He seemed to think his boys would be there and has told them this - they don't want to sleep on air bed in my son's room or in the living room apparently.

He also says i'm closed off and secretive about my financial situation and doesn't get why

Im just abit fed up now - i dont want drama and i will not get into conversations about what i have invested and where. Although he did admit to looking up the market value of my house!

OP posts:
ChaToilLeam · 29/12/2023 19:28

Sounds like a potential cocklodger!

BitchImTheSecretIngredient · 29/12/2023 19:29

Throw this one back OP

Sarvanga38 · 29/12/2023 19:29

God OP, this isn’t going to get any better, is it? You’re only nine months in, cut him loose!

Toooldtoworry · 29/12/2023 19:30

Definitely get rid.

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 19:30

Oh god op this is bad, that’s appalling he tried to get his kids a free holiday on you. He’s now eying up your money and assets for him and his.

get out and fast.

BorisIsACuntWaffle · 29/12/2023 19:31

Run the fuckaway

EmmaEmerald · 29/12/2023 19:31

ChaToilLeam · 29/12/2023 19:28

Sounds like a potential cocklodger!

This.

underneaththeash · 29/12/2023 19:31

Also don’t call your boyfriend your partner. Gives him more allowance to ask about your finances.

MikMak · 29/12/2023 19:32

Nope, bad news.

Catza · 29/12/2023 19:33

Ever wanted to lose 12st in the new year? This is your chance. Throw the whole man away.
Seriously, this is weird and inappropriate behaviour. He has no business looking up the value of your house or dictating that your children work to "free up the funds". I suggest you don't engage with work colleagues in the future. This is going to be a major clusterfuck when you break up.

Leeds2 · 29/12/2023 19:33

He doesn't sound in any way attractive!

Where does/did he think that his sons would be sleeping?

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 19:33

I can’t believe he even looked at rhe value of your house. He’s on the take op, he wants your money and assets. As said, get out and fast.

Trieditall · 29/12/2023 19:33

It’s none of his business!

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 29/12/2023 19:34

I’d throw this one back in the sea.

He thinks you should be prioritising his children over your children. That’s a red flag even if you chose to ignore all the other ones.

Starlightstarbright2 · 29/12/2023 19:34

It would be a red flag to me .

He is interested in your money . Your kids would rather have their Dad than the money - he doesn’t get that .

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 19:35

Starlightstarbright2 · 29/12/2023 19:34

It would be a red flag to me .

He is interested in your money . Your kids would rather have their Dad than the money - he doesn’t get that .

What? He wants the money, it’s nothing to do with her kids. He’s with her to get her money and house.

MondayBags678 · 29/12/2023 19:35

No! Run!!!!
please don’t ignore your alarm bells,
what you have put sounds very suspicious and I think you should walk away while you can

Dora26 · 29/12/2023 19:36

Run.For.The.Hills.

more red flags than a communist convention. Yes really!

GabriellaMontez · 29/12/2023 19:36

So where do his sons expect to sleep? Surely not your daughters room...?

I'd be inclined to be very straight. Let him know you've clocked him. "You seem very interested in my finances, we're not married or even living together... I'm not sure why you think it's any of your business".

I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. Once.

Jf20 · 29/12/2023 19:36

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 29/12/2023 19:34

I’d throw this one back in the sea.

He thinks you should be prioritising his children over your children. That’s a red flag even if you chose to ignore all the other ones.

Yes, because he’s trying to take over the house. Next he will be proposing and wanting his name on the deeds, and to have access to her funds, he just wants to know how much she’s worth before deciding if it’s worth it.

doomday · 29/12/2023 19:36

Keep him at a very firm distance and as a boyfriend only to protect your children.
You are basically a golden goose so be careful.

TitaniasAss · 29/12/2023 19:36

I woudn't give him the time of day OP. Not for another minute. He's after something.

DisforDarkChocolate · 29/12/2023 19:37

He's definitely seeing you as a means of financial security. Deeply problematic. I'd be breaking it off now.

MintJulia · 29/12/2023 19:37

I'd say he sees you as a financial opportunity. You're doing well to bat his hints away.

If he doesn't take the hint and mind his own business, I'd cut him lose

nettie434 · 29/12/2023 19:38

He is definitely coming across as being far too interested in your financial situation.