To think a 9½ year old should be giving Christmas presents to mum and Dad

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At the very least, choosing something for them and another adult paying.

I was asking a child I know what they got their Mum and Dad for Christmas and he said "Nothing"... I was about surprised that he didn't even go Tina shop with the other parent and choose something he thought they might like.

My lad has always chosen something for his grandparents, cousin and aunty. Ever since he was about 2/3. So we'd go to the sweets section in the supermarket and he'd choose something for each person, we'd make sure he wrapped it up and most importantly was the one to hand the present over. And when he got older around 5-6, he would specifically look for something he thought they would like and I'd pay. And from around 8 he would use some of his own money to pay part of it, then from 11/12 he'd use just his money.

Was I too harsh? Or is it normal that 9year olds don't get presents for people?

Huh?

🙄

Rein what in??? I'm allowed to ask a fucking question.

Jesus Christ.

Not normal in our house, only Mothers and Fathers Day gifts would be considered normal coming from the kids and that is perfectly fine with us.

Gift giving is a minefield at the best of times, receiving can be worse. Mostly it is a waste of time and money for a gesture.

It only matters if people want to receive a gift. My family generally aren’t bothered. We exchange gifts but no one is bothered if we don’t and everyone just gets anything they want/need. To use the notion of love languages, ours are most definitely not gifts.

My kids are 4 and 8 and their dad always takes them to buy presents for me and vice versa. This year they used their pocket money to buy a small token gift for a friend. Said friend gave them a home decorated photo frame and pic of them all.
Eldest is autistic and not great about thinking about others so this is one way we gentle encourage him to put others first and exain the social act of gift giving.

My kids are well under 9 and enjoy choosing presents for us - usually do it online. Usually the approach we take is to ask them for ideas and then nudge them sensibly. E.g. my son wanted to get my DH a triceratops toy, I redirected this to triceratops socks.

As kids we never had the money or the adult input to buy presents. As an adult I have successfully pulled off Christmas where my loved ones received gifts. I don’t feel like my parents failed me in any way. I also can’t stand the exchange of useless stuff that takes place every year particularly if kids are let loose in B&M. DD buys things for her friends with her pocket money and it pains me to see what nonsense she chooses. Also, I’m an adult. I’m quite happy for the kids to be the focus of the gifts and to watch on with a glass of wine. Their time spending money and frantically searching for much wanted cuddly toys/ computer games and prams will come when I’m a granny 🤣.

Odd question and you're rather rude OP. Maybe work on that.

My nine year old would just have spent a lot of money buying a load of crap. It would have been a complete waste of money. Now he's an older teen he's buys for us but I definitely wouldn't want or expect it at 9. Where was yours getting 'his' money from at 11/12? It can still only be money you've given him.

You sound rather sanctimonious

This.

We never wanted our dc to buy presents as we always felt that Christmas was for them, not us. And when the kids were small frankly dh and I had enough to do and often agreed to not even buy each other presents to save the hassle, although they did always (with guidance to ensure Lego wasn’t an option) choose something for us and dgp’s on birthdays and Mother’s/Father’s Day that they either made or we would pay for. But as the dc became teenagers with their own money they started to take it upon themselves to get us something, and as they are more grown up now we genuinely love what they choose and look forward to seeing the surprise.

Perhaps kids learn to be kind by seeing kindness in action, not by being taken out to buy a load of random tat.

My 9 and 7 yr old choose gifts if we prompt them too, but I wouldn’t be getting them to buy for extended family. Just more excessive that we want, I like to keep gifts as minimal as possible as I have over buying/over receiving.

Honestly though I think each family does it differently. In a way I think it’d be better to offer them the option of making something or doing something nice for the person, celebrating with people is more than just gifts.

My sister is a single parent, so every birthday, Christmas and Mothers' day I ask her kids (now 4 and 7, but I've been doing it for a few years) what they want to get her and I buy it for them to give her. She ends up with the most random crap, but she absolutely loves it because they've thought about it and chosen it themselves. I think it's really important to get children to think about others from a young age, even if what they choose isn't necessarily what you'd want!

Perhaps kids learn to be kind by seeing kindness in action, not by being taken out to buy a load of random tat.

^oh my that sums it up so well

I agree. My son is 5 and for the last 2 years, he's chosen something for me and my husband for Christmas and birthdays. I think it's important that they learn to give others presents too especially when they get so much. He gives to his grandparents too.

being taken out to buy a load of random tat.

Well that would only happen if there’s no responsible adult involved …

The OP’s perfectly sensible and interesting question seems to be making a lot of people quite … testy!

No.

Okay, thanks.

My DC (8 and 10) will choose gifts for me and DH but not any other family members as there are many grandparents, great grandparents, aunties, uncles and cousins. However they do always make birthday and Christmas cards for their grandparents and great grandparents.

Nope. My daughter is 15 and this is the first year she has chosen something for me and her dad. My 13 year old may choose to make us a card or something at school etc but I wouldn't expect a present.

So you think a child of 9 who ‘probably’ hasn’t been taught, encouraged or facilitated by their parent to do this should have thought of and organised it by themselves?

No, that’s too young to have done all that themselves. Especially if living in a household where they haven’t had it modelled.

You’re aggressive to people who reply and judgey as hell about people who do Christmas differently.

No wonder you’ve put some people’s back up.

I have a very kind and thoughtful 9.5yo. I take him to the supermarket every Chris with a shopping list for the local food bank. He wants to give some of his Christmas money to homeless people. He writes lovely elaborate messages in Christmas cards for friends and family.

We’ve never done Christmas presents from kids to parents, just never been on my radar at all as a “thing”.

I don’t think it means anything at all, you’re overthinking it OP.

Many 9 year olds I know don't have any money(or very little) of their own, so wouldn't be in a position to buy presents for others unless money given to them for that reason.
Also, most of that age group still believe in Santa so expects Santa to dish up the goodies 😊