Am i raising a brat??

[Mimikyuu]

My 10 year old (nearly 11) daughter argues with me all the time. I’m starting to think I’ve gone wrong somewhere or is this just normal for this age?

Example: tonight, she wants me to do her nails for her (I have gel paints and a uv lamp) for a party she’s going to tomorrow. I said yes that’s fine but in order to have time to do this I need to you to help me by tidying the living room while I’m sorting out the toddlers and putting them to bed. Que massive argument because she doesn’t want to do this so I’ve said no nails.

Since learning to cook (she goes to private lessons) she’s become very overly critical of anything I cook (I worked as a chef for a number of years so my cooking isn’t bad at all!). She makes comments about my food while we are eating and I tell her I think he’s being rude and just eat it or leave it.

My husband thinks I’m too soft, but I don’t think I am, I think Im being fair. We both had very strict upbringings, and here he hasn’t been effected by this I have and don’t want to repeat this sort of parenting with my kids.

Im just at a loss because she always such a lovely, pleasant girl and she mostly still is but she has become lazy and demanding recently and it’s making my life difficult. I don’t ask her for much, but I do tell her that as a person who lives in the house, she is also responsible for maintaining it, such as her bedroom and any little jobs I ask her to do.

Does this sound like normal 10 year old girl behavior or do I need to crack down a bit harder? Im on my own most evenings so it’s difficult as the toddlers are a fucking nightmare!

Honestly, she does sound spoilt, I personally would never allow a 10 year old to have gel nails, especillay not her own lamp. 10 us still a child not yet a teen.

It’s my lamp not hers.

She does sound like a brat, yes.

She’s boundary pushing, your requests are quite reasonable she’ll grow out of it, but keep doing what you’re doing.

Yes shes a brat. And seriously private cooking lessons??? Teach her yourself

You have the right approach, keep saying no when she refuses to help.

The comments about your food are very rude. Next time she does it tell her to leave her food and make toast for yourself.

Really would you say the same about any other private lesson like swimming, football, ballet etc??

This sounds like pretty normal boundary pushing. Just keep reinforcing the boundary - did you follow through and not do her nails?
What is the consequence for being rude about dinner? Can you model reframing it as more constructive discussion if she knows a bit about cooking? What would you have done differently Dd? There’s a difference between ‘I think this needs a little more seasoning’ and ‘yuck it’s horrible’

No, she’s not a brat. It sounds pretty much typical 11 yo behaviour.

No I’m not going to do her nails, but she is still tidying the living room so win win I guess!

She just has to make comments about everything I cook, I’ve told her it’s unnecessary. Just eat it or leave it.

You said you were a chef...so yes id say the same about swimming etc if you were a swimmer. Probably not football or other team stuff

I would remind her to treat other people as you would like to be treated yourself, I'm sure she wouldn't want anyone criticising food that she had cooked. I think 10 is a difficult age because they want to appear grown up but are still very much children. I think you were right to say to her that if she wants you to do things for her then she needs to help you, as long as you stick to your guns when she starts moaning.

Swimming is a life skill, most of the rest str done in teams. If you’re an ex chef it does seem pretentious.

God, what a lovely bunch you've got on here replying!

Don't listen OP, she does not sound like a brat at all! But it's normal to constantly worry about your parenting techniques etc when they are pushing us.

She's just testing the boundaries, as hard as it is, it's a very normal part of their development xx

One word - hormones!!!!

@Mimikyuu My son had private cooking lessons for quite a while, and has regular shellac at a salon… neither thing is at all unusual.

She sounds like my niece who is the same age- I think it’s a stage they go through. Just continue to have firm but fair boundaries and she will grow out of it.

I don’t have time to teach her how to cook, hence the lessons. Plus she gets to cook in a group of kids her age and she enjoys the social element.

Ime you have possibly another 5 or 6 years of Bad Attitude.. Explain if she wants the extras in life like expensive classes and gel nails it's give and take. You won't be disrespected if she wants these things to continue..
Results of cheek here have included over the years (2 dd's now 17 and 18) withdrawal of lifts, cash, money for treats, having mates round. Dd has been doing her own laundry since 14 due to her behaviour..

Not at all, normal boundary pushing and I think your push back and sticking to your hard lines is the best way to respond. Possibly with the food criticising I would maybe try to engage and turn it into a conversation (and does she ever help? maybe giving her the opportunity to might help engage her and minimise the rudeness at the table). Otherwise I think simply stating that she can eat what’s given or have toast is spot on.

weird comments re the cooking lessons - not pretentious at all? Great to encourage any interest your kids might have.

11 Yr olds aren't known for tact and can be brattish.
nails, you were spot on, followed through consequence
food, remove plate, breakfast is tomorrow, enjoy being hungry. That's the natural consequence.
Natural consequences every time with solid persistence.

No, it really doesn’t. There is nothing pretentious about helping your children to follow their interests.

Also, dance and swimming are regularly done on a one to one basis (no idea about football because mine into it). Gymnastics would also often have one to one coaching, or in pairs if they are in a pairs routine.

Sounds like perfectly normal boundary pushing with possible a spattering or hormones at that age. Robust and consistent boundaries with natural consequences will be fine. For example, don't help me tidy up isn't time to do nails, therefore no nails. Don't like my food, don't eat the food, be hungry or have a simple sandwich for tea instead. Alongside modelling how to talk through difficulties, speaking to her with respect and setting out clear expectations about how she should speak to you.

Sounds normal -she will grow out of it your dealing with it the right way x

She sounds very preteen to me, I wouldn't be overly concerned.

Continue to impose your boundaries and stick to them. There will be many more arguments to come in afraid, the joys of teenage girls.

Pick your battles. In 10 years time she will be your best friend. My daughter wouldn't do chores and still doesn't even in her own house!