Am i raising a brat??

[Mimikyuu]

My 10 year old (nearly 11) daughter argues with me all the time. I’m starting to think I’ve gone wrong somewhere or is this just normal for this age?

Example: tonight, she wants me to do her nails for her (I have gel paints and a uv lamp) for a party she’s going to tomorrow. I said yes that’s fine but in order to have time to do this I need to you to help me by tidying the living room while I’m sorting out the toddlers and putting them to bed. Que massive argument because she doesn’t want to do this so I’ve said no nails.

Since learning to cook (she goes to private lessons) she’s become very overly critical of anything I cook (I worked as a chef for a number of years so my cooking isn’t bad at all!). She makes comments about my food while we are eating and I tell her I think he’s being rude and just eat it or leave it.

My husband thinks I’m too soft, but I don’t think I am, I think Im being fair. We both had very strict upbringings, and here he hasn’t been effected by this I have and don’t want to repeat this sort of parenting with my kids.

Im just at a loss because she always such a lovely, pleasant girl and she mostly still is but she has become lazy and demanding recently and it’s making my life difficult. I don’t ask her for much, but I do tell her that as a person who lives in the house, she is also responsible for maintaining it, such as her bedroom and any little jobs I ask her to do.

Does this sound like normal 10 year old girl behavior or do I need to crack down a bit harder? Im on my own most evenings so it’s difficult as the toddlers are a fucking nightmare!

Hormones. Hormones. Hormones

My dd is 10 and fml she has been an utter shitbag this week. Obnoxiously back chatting. Refusing to do simple tasks I.e clear her presents off my lounge floor and up to her bedroom, has spoken to me like shit on her shoe, had massive meltdowns when something on an arts and crafts thing wasn't going her way etc.

She is shattered after a long and busy school term but honestly the Hormones are an absolute bitch.

She hasn't started her periods yet but judging by the teenage attitude, meltdowns and tears for no reason I am guessing it won't be long.

Top and bottom...its perfectly normal!!!

@Summasolstice i don't want to argue on this thread tbh. There are very pressing issues with UV cured nail polishes but it isn't the UV, I can assure you.

i don't want to argue on this thread tbh. There are very pressing issues with UV cured nail polishes but it isn't the UV, I can assure you

oh I feel totally assured by a random asserting this. Thanks

Don't rise to her - no tidying, no nails - no debate.

Don't like the food - don't eat it, her choice - no debate.

Never enter into the debate - thems the rules etc.

Be firm, walk way, get her Dad to re affirm.

Does she get enough 1:1 time with you? Could she be struggling with the amount of time she perceives the toddler gets (obviously they need the time as they need a lot of help).

Children definitely need firm boundaries, but along with this maybe try and organise time every week where the two of you can do something undisturbed by your husband and other children. It might be her way of trying to get your attention.

Are you referring to the possibility of allergies?

That's mean. Fine to point out a risk but wait do you feed your kid cake? Are you trying to give them diabetes?

@Mimikyuu Congrats OP on a nice thread. 😊❤️At least something some of us can relate to, as opposed to the many self-pitying threads where people made wrong choices in life and are now stuck.

As my mother would say, I caused her no bother growing up- true. But even I would struggle at 11 not to comment (aka show off) my cooking skills at home whilst attending clearly well structured cooking lessons. I probably wouldn't do it in a way that would annoy anyone as I was and remain a respectful person. Why not ask her to cook with you, or cook one item or her own meals sometimes? Do you ask her?

I loved reading and would impress my family with my reading skills. I also liked baking, so I liked being asked to bake as somehow I had a flair for baking although I don't like sweet things- my 2 older sis and mum were absolutely good cooks (and the family chef), so they were hesitant to let me cook them bad food, so I wasn't allowed to experiment with cooking much. But I enjoyed every moment when I was able to, especially when it was just me and cousins at the farm.

I cannot comment on nails though as I am proper old fashioned and, won't even have small kids in tights, inner shorts, having tummy out, makeup, lipsticks etc etc. I see people's kids in that, and despair.

Good luck @Mimikyuu . Yes, I hated tidying up 'after my own mess' too, but luckily others were on hand. The irony was, I hate messy places (to this day), so would move myself to the newly tidied area much to my sister's dismay. I did struggle as an adult to keep my place tidy (couldn't employ someone to do it for confidentiality of my also demanding job); so I would ring my eldest sis, almost in tears, for tips and encouragement. Eventually, I learnt to keep each item in its place and use 15 mins each day or so, to do so, as opposed to waiting for the weekend to do a massive tidying up, which also just left me overwhelmed and unable to get started. Also, a colleague in her late 50s once said to me, none likes tidying up, but we all have to do it. It stuck with me. Now my home looks like a show room, as I tidy up as I go. I was lucky my DH has the same standards of tidiness as me, and was encouraged kids would mimic me, and it all worked out well for me. I am quiet and at times reserved too, so was worried about loud kids- I was advised that they would mimic me and they do. :-)

Well maybe try phrasing it helpfully, not facetiously. As if she is trying to harm her.

perhaps She can afford a cleaner.