Casual pre-arranged lunch.

[placemats]

So this lunch today was arranged about 4 weeks ago and the brief was it was to be a snacking affair and a film after. We decided on what food to bring and what film to watch. It's three of us and we meet up regularly.

Anyway I set off but time has been delayed for arrival by 15 minutes and that's not a worry. I can take my time driving (and avoiding the potholes on the way). However, I missed the turning and got lost - it's a maze of roundabouts - texted to ask for a post code. 20 mins later sat waiting and still no reply, so I text I'm going home.

Halfway home I get a text with the post code so go back. Arrive and food is being put out onto the table and I put my food I've brought. Friend 1, not the host, says 'Oh did you bake that? We probably won't eat it so you can take it home.' To which I replied 'Yes that's a very good idea, in fact I'll take it home now.' And I left. (Forgot my handbag so had to go back).

Was I unreasonable?

I'm not saying this to be combative and I'm reflecting from the perspective of your peer group @placemats I think it speaks volumes if you've mellowed a lot since having young DC.

From a potential friend's point of view I think you were remiss in not having a postcode in your sat nav and further remiss in heading for home because no one got back to you within 20 minutes via message. You could have called them rather than assume they were glued to their phones for messages when they were assembling the meal. To turn around at that point seems like a stroppy over reaction.

Friend's comment about probably not eating what you'd contributed could've been brushed aside with an easy going 'well, I've brought it now, so we'll see'
Regardless of if they were rude, and I think more context is needed to decide, that was easily dealt with.

A far more sensible and adult response would've been to go back in for your handbag and say 'Well, obviously I'm frustrated and hangry, sorry about that, shall we eat/can someone get me a drink?' or whatever and settle down. But it sounds like you've learned that, so hopefully it's not a friendship group spoiled.

Flowers and a note to your host sounds like a good way to go. Onwards and upwards for the New Year.

I don't see any boundaries in the scenario you've described. Why on earth should OP send flowers? That's just bizarre. I wouldn't allow anyone to speak to me like the way OP was spoken to. All the people focusing on the driving directions, I don't think this is what particularly made OP leave. It was the way the person, not even hosting spoke to her.

Some truly vile and goady comments on this thread. MN at its worst.

@Olive19741205 the OP has said she’s sending a card and flowers, her decision, not my suggestion. They had already hugged and made up and OP says she felt terrible. So what’s bizarre about kindness amongst friends, repairing a minor disagreement and moving forward?

The driving scenario just demonstrated how she was feeling when she arrived, which gave rise to how she responded to the comment, which may, or might not have been rudely meant. None of us were there to detect nuance, nor do we know the personalities involved or exactly how everyone came across in the moment.

As for boundaries, I clearly said about knocking back the third person’s chippy comment, which seems far more in proportion than flouncing out of the host’s event.

So you like a drip of really relevant info?

okey dokey

Why on earth should OP send flowers? That's just bizarre

@Olive19741205 you should have addressed this to the Op, given it was her suggestion but you won’t because for some unfathomable reason your head is wedged up the OP’s virtual arse!

Yeah - except I know someone who behaves like this! They won't miss you OP so maybe time to examine your own behaviour and have some humility.

It feels as if you were looking for an excuse not to go.

You turned around to go home just because they didn't reply to your texts straight away.

You actually went home because of a fairly mild comment from a friend.

You hugged and she apologised when you went back for your bag, but still went home.

If you are good friends and enjoy spending time together as you say I am sure it can be sorted and hope you are ok now.

From your friends perspective, you texted 15 minutes late, after which point they had probably already done coffees and were probably hungry.

You waited just 5 minutes longer than youd kept them waiting to say you were going home.

You didnt have the foresight to ask for an postcode or put the address in Google maps.

And turned up almost an hour late, at which point people are hungry (hence the comment about not needing your food contribution because they've probably snacked by then but not told you that so you arent made to feel bad and they waited for you before putting the full spread out, hence not needing more/your food)

And then you flounce.

You were flustered but also so rude. Perhaps a grovelling group apology text, thanks to the host for being so gracious and an offer to host with a joke about not getting lost that way might smooth things over.

I do have experience of Alzheimer’s unfortunately (its main symptom being dementia by the way) and some of the early symptoms can include this sort of behaviour and it’s better to suggest that as a possibility than ignore as so many families and sufferers do at first.

Update:

Have spoken to the host and she agreed with me. She said she would probably have done the same thing - she's 45. We've agreed to meet up in the new year and have put it past us. It was an unfortunate series of events.

We're meeting up in neutral places like cafés and restaurants.

None of that happened. It's just your interpretation which is frankly quite skewered.

Which part is skewed?

The part about you being late, not having a postcode researching the address in Google or you being almost an hour late?

@placemats Admiration for you. I'd have wanted to do the same but haven't got the balls (or the baked goods). Glad you sorted it, but the non-hosting friend is a bitch. Why did she reject your food?