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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Casual pre-arranged lunch.

214 replies

placemats · 28/12/2023 15:10

So this lunch today was arranged about 4 weeks ago and the brief was it was to be a snacking affair and a film after. We decided on what food to bring and what film to watch. It's three of us and we meet up regularly.

Anyway I set off but time has been delayed for arrival by 15 minutes and that's not a worry. I can take my time driving (and avoiding the potholes on the way). However, I missed the turning and got lost - it's a maze of roundabouts - texted to ask for a post code. 20 mins later sat waiting and still no reply, so I text I'm going home.

Halfway home I get a text with the post code so go back. Arrive and food is being put out onto the table and I put my food I've brought. Friend 1, not the host, says 'Oh did you bake that? We probably won't eat it so you can take it home.' To which I replied 'Yes that's a very good idea, in fact I'll take it home now.' And I left. (Forgot my handbag so had to go back).

Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 28/12/2023 15:49

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 28/12/2023 15:35

Didn't know flouncing was still a thing at 63 tbh...

I haven't flounced in many a year (decade!). I might take it up again in my 50s 😁

porridgeisbae · 28/12/2023 15:51

What was the issue?

Yes it'd been a bit annoying but more hastle to go back than stay for the thingy.

They told you not to waste your food- surely that's a good thing. Unless they often claim your baking is awful or something.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/12/2023 15:52

If this is not a reverse then you behaved like a total dick. But you can probably blame it on perimenopause or something Grin

Ulysees · 28/12/2023 15:52

This reply has been deleted

The OP has privacy concerns, so we've agreed to take this down now.

Exactly. Sounds so weird. You can Google map it.

KrisAkabusi · 28/12/2023 15:52

You overreacted and your responses here aren't normal behaviour either. You're reacting badly to very minor things.

Original poster
placemats · 28/12/2023 15:53

porridgeisbae · 28/12/2023 15:51

What was the issue?

Yes it'd been a bit annoying but more hastle to go back than stay for the thingy.

They told you not to waste your food- surely that's a good thing. Unless they often claim your baking is awful or something.

The thing is, they love coming over to my house and it is fun. They eat everything I make. Friend 1's hosting is along the lines of, now don't eat everything as I want to make this last.

OP posts:
Greenpolkadot · 28/12/2023 15:56

Your friend was rude about your food but that seems the only problem.
Have you spoke to either of them since ?

Viviennemary · 28/12/2023 15:56

It was cheeky of your friend to make the comment about your cake. Do you have any idea why she said that.

Stupidliefromfriend · 28/12/2023 15:56

Listen you really do owe them (but particularly the host) an apology. Even if it was a casual lunch it takes work, cleaning up etc.

The 15 minute delay is irrelevant. You (got lost and) were the one who was late.

Her remark about bringing your baked food home is weird and depending on context either rude or clumsily expressed. She could have been sneering or she could have genuinely been saying to save it for your own family as she had provided plenty of food.

So I don't think they did anything wrong while you left them waiting, then stormed out and put the host to lots of wasted effort.

I don't think it's crime of the century but they deserve an apology.

I'd message or phone and simply say you were tired, hungry, stressed, took offence at the remark about taking your food home and very sorry about it now.

Original poster
placemats · 28/12/2023 15:57

Yes, I should have googled it. Yes, I should have asked for the post code beforehand. I could be sitting right now having an afternoon with my friends (it was set up by me for a particular reason and we do enjoy each other's company).

I just felt slighted and yeah probably overreacted. Nothing I can do about that now.

OP posts:
Justcallmebebes · 28/12/2023 15:58

GalileoHumpkins · 28/12/2023 15:39

You were stressed and hangry, the rude comment about your baking pushed you over the edge, I wouldn't worry about it.

This. There's some nasty comments on this thread but things happen, sometimes the smallest of things, that push us over the edge and this is a particularly stressful time of the year

PegasusReturns · 28/12/2023 15:58

Did you feel slighted by the comment about your food or the fact that they’d started laying out food before you got there?

porridgeisbae · 28/12/2023 15:58

@placemats She helped you not to waste your food. That's not a bad thing.

Bookworm1111 · 28/12/2023 15:59

I just felt slighted and yeah probably overreacted. Nothing I can do about that now.

Yes there is. You can call them and apologise for spoiling their afternoon as well as your own.

Original poster
placemats · 28/12/2023 15:59

I'd message or phone and simply say you were tired, hungry, stressed, took offence at the remark about taking your food home and very sorry about it now.

Sound advice @Stupidliefromfriend Thank you.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/12/2023 15:59

Nothing I can do about that now.

You could call them and say "Sorry guys, I don't know what came over me! It's been a mental week and I lost the plot there."

Wristfolds · 28/12/2023 15:59

The only reason I wouldn’t say it was horrifically rude is because it’s a completely bizarre reaction?!

On that basis if you say you misheard/were hangry or suddenly had a fever you can probably gloss over most of this but it was a really odd reaction unless you have history with friend 2?

Justcallmebebes · 28/12/2023 15:59

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/12/2023 15:52

If this is not a reverse then you behaved like a total dick. But you can probably blame it on perimenopause or something Grin

OP is 63 so doubtful perimenopause, but well done for the ageist, misogynistic comment

Miyagi99 · 28/12/2023 16:00

By the way OP, you can certainly have dementia at 63, early onset Alzheimer’s begins in your 40s and 50s and is always diagnosed under 65.

porridgeisbae · 28/12/2023 16:00

If you'd still wanted to eat some of the thing you could still have had it. Just say 'I'll have a bit' and put it out.

Hangry/knackered is probably the issue. I would maybe suggest msging them and saying 'sorry about that, I'm all burnt out after xmas.'

estd1869 · 28/12/2023 16:00

the alternative was that you placed it on the table

the other two didn’t touch it
you were the only one

you felt hurt.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/12/2023 16:01

OP is 63 so doubtful perimenopause, but well done for the ageist, misogynistic comment

Has someone else been having a difficult week?

Finlesswonder · 28/12/2023 16:03

Guess I'm a minority but I think the 2 friends sound like abaolute dicks and I would have stropped off too

willWillSmithsmith · 28/12/2023 16:03

placemats · 28/12/2023 15:28

How old are you?

Show quote history

Ok, it’s you. You are the problem and yes I bet your friends relaxed more after you’d gone. You sound odd and dare I say, that MN favourite - hard work. If this is real of course. So many odd threads on MN it’s hard to believe them all.

DarkDarkNight · 28/12/2023 16:04

You were a bit unreasonable I think. Turning back because you didn’t get an instant answer is odd. Maybe they weren’t tied to their phones at that time. Your friend was a bit blunt about the food you brought but again I think walking out was an overreaction.