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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Casual pre-arranged lunch.

214 replies

placemats · 28/12/2023 15:10

So this lunch today was arranged about 4 weeks ago and the brief was it was to be a snacking affair and a film after. We decided on what food to bring and what film to watch. It's three of us and we meet up regularly.

Anyway I set off but time has been delayed for arrival by 15 minutes and that's not a worry. I can take my time driving (and avoiding the potholes on the way). However, I missed the turning and got lost - it's a maze of roundabouts - texted to ask for a post code. 20 mins later sat waiting and still no reply, so I text I'm going home.

Halfway home I get a text with the post code so go back. Arrive and food is being put out onto the table and I put my food I've brought. Friend 1, not the host, says 'Oh did you bake that? We probably won't eat it so you can take it home.' To which I replied 'Yes that's a very good idea, in fact I'll take it home now.' And I left. (Forgot my handbag so had to go back).

Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
CiaraLiara · 28/12/2023 16:22

You flounced theatrically and then had to return for your handbag?? Oh OP, the humiliation...

Schoolchoicesucks · 28/12/2023 16:22

You overreacted. Sounds like you had the hump when they didn't provide you with the postcode as soon as you required it (were either of them driving?). And so you arrived already in a bad mood. Still, it's been your loss. If you are friends then do apologise for the hangry overreaction. I'm struggling to see what the friends did wrong apart from one slightly awkward remark about food.

Allwelcone · 28/12/2023 16:23

Sometimes we lose our temper when stressed!

I've been so stressed I told a friend to eff off once after I arrived knackered, hot and bothered and she wouldn't move so i cd squeeze past and sit down, instead saying "ooh you do look stressed".
Luckily everyone laughed and I apologised immediately.

andHelenknowsimmiserablenow · 28/12/2023 16:27

Finlesswonder · 28/12/2023 16:04

They ignored her calls asking for help.

They told her to shove the food she had spent time baking.

How on earth is the OP rude?

They probably just didn't see her messages. If OP had been to that address several times they wouldn't have expected her to get lost on the way.
They may have also been saying that there was enough pre prepared food, so save your dish for yourself, not to be nasty.
What was the reaction from them when you went back for your handbag? @placemats did they try to get you to change your mind?

Justcallmebebes · 28/12/2023 16:31

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/12/2023 16:01

OP is 63 so doubtful perimenopause, but well done for the ageist, misogynistic comment

Has someone else been having a difficult week?

Patronising much? And no, not particularly, thanks

TempyBrennan · 28/12/2023 16:38

Bizarre response by you OP.

  • you were late then didn’t get an immediate response so huffed and went home, and when you finally arrived were told you could keep hold of your food as they had enough and stormed out.
EmpatheticAgain · 28/12/2023 16:38

The food comment probably came out wrong. They were there before you and had already discussed that they had doubles or already enough of some things. This way you could take it home and save it. But you stormed off before they could explain.

GalileoHumpkins · 28/12/2023 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

daisychain01 · 28/12/2023 16:43

Here's a molehill ===>>>

but here, have this mountain instead ====>. Made just for you.

estd1869 · 28/12/2023 16:43

frightening to think the op has mellowed and was more quick tempered when she had younger children!!!

itisgettinghardto · 28/12/2023 16:45

It's the going back for the handbag that tickled me. Flouncing somewhat diminished there! What did they say/do when you returned?

diddl · 28/12/2023 16:47

I'd probably apologise to the host.

Other friend sounds really rude.

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 28/12/2023 16:47

Going home with a complete homemade food item sounds like a win to me...

Thriving30 · 28/12/2023 16:48

Are you an anxious person? The reason I ask is because the driving home after not getting a reply/getting lost is something I'd do if I'm feeling particularly anxious and panicking, because I hate being late for things, I'd rather not turn up than turn up late. But your second reaction I think was a bit OTT

RicherThanYews · 28/12/2023 16:48

I'd be hurt if I brought something homemade to a meet up with friends and the immediate response was oh we probably won't eat that so take it home, how rude. Was there any other context Op? I would have left too tbh.

starfishmummy · 28/12/2023 16:49

It all seems rather odd. I'm older than the OP and would have used Google maps in sat nav mode of I'd got lost.

Amd maybe the food thing was odd but maybe there was a simple explanation - but as the op took umbrage and flounced straight out, she'll never know.

Christmassss · 28/12/2023 16:49

Forgot the directions, forgot the bag, changes in mood…just saying.

Original poster
placemats · 28/12/2023 16:50

Host wanted me to stay and kept apologising. I told her she shouldn't be apologising. We exchanged hugs when I got my handbag and she understood. Felt terrible leaving her to be honest.

I'm sending her a card and flowers.

OP posts:
dayswithaY · 28/12/2023 16:53

You got stressed on the journey, then your stress turned into indignation because they didn’t text you back. An ill-judged comment just tipped you over the edge and you stormed off.

The only person you hurt was yourself, they probably laughed.

Work on yourself a bit or there will be more days like this.

HelpMeGetThrough · 28/12/2023 16:53

Santaisscouringindeedfornewjob · 28/12/2023 15:35

Didn't know flouncing was still a thing at 63 tbh...

The OP failed at that too....

(Forgot my handbag so had to go back).

Original poster
placemats · 28/12/2023 16:54

Last post in response to those who asked about what happened when I went back for my handbag.

OP posts:
Grumpynan · 28/12/2023 16:56

RicherThanYews · 28/12/2023 16:48

I'd be hurt if I brought something homemade to a meet up with friends and the immediate response was oh we probably won't eat that so take it home, how rude. Was there any other context Op? I would have left too tbh.

Me too, that’s so rude, hardly on the table and told nobody will want it, I can imagine it said with a sneer but that could be just the way I read it.

I would have left too

TellySavalashairbrush · 28/12/2023 16:56

I'd have been a bit peeved about the cake remark, but certainly would not have flounced out. Although this may be due to the fact that after all that driving around I'd have been desperate for a wee and then a cup of coffee. No amount of irritation would have deterred me from meeting those needs.

MILTOBE · 28/12/2023 16:58

Don't go sending flowers and a card. It's not that big a deal.

They were rude - you were late and they didn't check their phones to see whether you needed help.

The one who said she wouldn't need your cake was rude, too. Who made her queen of the world?

Bambooshoot · 28/12/2023 16:58

placemats · 28/12/2023 16:50

Host wanted me to stay and kept apologising. I told her she shouldn't be apologising. We exchanged hugs when I got my handbag and she understood. Felt terrible leaving her to be honest.

I'm sending her a card and flowers.

So why leave? Why not just say “Oh bugger, I’ve been an idiot, I can see that now, just had a nightmare journey, I am so, so sorry, I was horrible, can I still join you?” We’ve all had times when temper got the best of us, and friends would usually be the first to forgive and see the funny side if you explain, and let them know you were being freakishly unreasonable. Sounds like you either didn’t want to stay, or didn’t want to admit you were wrong?