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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Casual pre-arranged lunch.

214 replies

placemats · 28/12/2023 15:10

So this lunch today was arranged about 4 weeks ago and the brief was it was to be a snacking affair and a film after. We decided on what food to bring and what film to watch. It's three of us and we meet up regularly.

Anyway I set off but time has been delayed for arrival by 15 minutes and that's not a worry. I can take my time driving (and avoiding the potholes on the way). However, I missed the turning and got lost - it's a maze of roundabouts - texted to ask for a post code. 20 mins later sat waiting and still no reply, so I text I'm going home.

Halfway home I get a text with the post code so go back. Arrive and food is being put out onto the table and I put my food I've brought. Friend 1, not the host, says 'Oh did you bake that? We probably won't eat it so you can take it home.' To which I replied 'Yes that's a very good idea, in fact I'll take it home now.' And I left. (Forgot my handbag so had to go back).

Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:
Serene135 · 28/12/2023 16:59

I don’t think the OP was that rude to be honest. I think the friend was ruder. OP brought some food for them to share (like the other two probably did) and when she arrived she was told it wasn’t needed and that she should take it home. Now that is rude! I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall though OP when you went back for your handbag 😂. If they are real friends then I’m sure it will blow over 💐

Christmassss · 28/12/2023 17:01

Did you actually want to go OP, did you eat breakfast? Maybe it was a blood sugar thing.

Tomatoblush · 28/12/2023 17:02

I’m another one who may have done the same OP.
Sometimes a very thoughtless comment just sends you over the top when you’ve been stressing about getting there etc.
Id have been hurt that my food wasn't needed. There was no need of that comment.

Original poster
placemats · 28/12/2023 17:02

Stop trying to diagnose me @Christmassss

Stop!

OP posts:
estd1869 · 28/12/2023 17:03

placemats · 28/12/2023 16:50

Host wanted me to stay and kept apologising. I told her she shouldn't be apologising. We exchanged hugs when I got my handbag and she understood. Felt terrible leaving her to be honest.

I'm sending her a card and flowers.

well that’s quite an about turn from how conveyed in the OP

NearlyMonday · 28/12/2023 17:03

If they are real friends then I’m sure it will blow over 💐

I agree. You had a bit of a strop OP, the world won't end!

estd1869 · 28/12/2023 17:04

placemats · 28/12/2023 16:54

Last post in response to those who asked about what happened when I went back for my handbag.

and you didn’t think relevant to mention op that when you went back she apologised profusely and you hugged each other? 😂

EmpatheticAgain · 28/12/2023 17:05

Christmassss · 28/12/2023 16:49

Forgot the directions, forgot the bag, changes in mood…just saying.

Oh ffs, just stop will you..

Cakeandcardio · 28/12/2023 17:05

What did you bake / bring? And why did they say they wouldn't eat it. That's very rude behaviour from them.

Isitthathardtobekind · 28/12/2023 17:08

Some very rude people on this thread. Not sure it’s really needed.

Original poster
placemats · 28/12/2023 17:08

I certainly know her address now. Although... @Christmassss may well be diagnosing me again.

OP posts:
Original poster
placemats · 28/12/2023 17:10

Cakeandcardio · 28/12/2023 17:05

What did you bake / bring? And why did they say they wouldn't eat it. That's very rude behaviour from them.

It was a brie and cranberry ring puff pastry. We had agreed it was good to bring.

OP posts:
Beeinalily · 28/12/2023 17:11

Can we come and help you eat your baked goods OP, please?

TheYearOfSmallThings · 28/12/2023 17:11

Justcallmebebes · 28/12/2023 16:31

Patronising much? And no, not particularly, thanks

Show quote history

Just a natural ray of sunshine then Wink

Original poster
placemats · 28/12/2023 17:12

Beeinalily · 28/12/2023 17:11

Can we come and help you eat your baked goods OP, please?

Thanks 😊

OP posts:
butterpuffed · 28/12/2023 17:13

This thread started off with OP's overreaction and so called 'rudeness' but has well and truly been overtaken in both by many MNers' replies .

Charlize43 · 28/12/2023 17:16

YABU - It seems a bit abrupt to have flounced off before finding out what was going down. Maybe it was just a throwaway comment...

Sorethroatandearache · 28/12/2023 17:22

Total overreaction

Ladyj84 · 28/12/2023 17:26

Texts don't always go straight thru so that was a bit odd you expected a super quick reply plus not everyone sits with there phone every second and your reaction well grow up uncalled for

LaurieStrode · 28/12/2023 17:28

Serene135 · 28/12/2023 16:59

I don’t think the OP was that rude to be honest. I think the friend was ruder. OP brought some food for them to share (like the other two probably did) and when she arrived she was told it wasn’t needed and that she should take it home. Now that is rude! I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall though OP when you went back for your handbag 😂. If they are real friends then I’m sure it will blow over 💐

Exactly.

What sort of insensitive clod tells someone the minute they walk in that their contribution is unwanted and they should "just take it home." I'd have told them to fuck off as well.

BillionaireTea · 28/12/2023 17:30

The "diagnosis" is because OP is being so weird!
OP you were 35 mins late for lunch, and it was entirely your own fault. Getting lost and not having the correct address and forgetting how to use Google and making an odd judgement call to sit and wait. And then arrived and instead of apologising for being late,over absolutely nothing just stropped off again. They literally only said they couldn't eat your thing- there must be a reason you over reacted so violently.

I also genuinely wonder if there was a short term reason like low blood sugar or a longer term reason like mood changes associated with an illness.

And you are so irritable with all of us when we suggest there might be another reason. Why's that?

EmpatheticAgain · 28/12/2023 17:36

@BillionaireTea sometimes you can just be in a crappy mood and need to hear that you can see their point and it will be fine. Or be upset because you know inside you were wrong too and it’s not a good feeling.

Goatymum · 28/12/2023 17:38

Very odd behaviour from you!
Friends get lost coming to mine and have never flounced off afterwards - granted I don’t tell them to take food home, but we don’t always eat what people bring depending on what we’ve made/have in etc. I certainly wouldn’t go home after I’d just had a stressful journey to get somewhere.

ChedderGorgeous · 28/12/2023 17:42

placemats · 28/12/2023 15:22

I've been many times, usually accompanied. Have probably been to too many events over the last few weeks.

We are all friends. Yes, I probably did overreact. I was just fed up and hungry. Anyway took the car for a wash, didn't have to queue either. It'll blow over.

"Probably did overreact "?! You went full mental. You were late because you didn't check the address (weird in itself ) and then had a temper tantrum because your late, soggy bottomed fruitcake was rejected because lunch had finished.

EmpatheticAgain · 28/12/2023 17:45

late, soggy bottomed fruitcake

That’s the Christmas spirit! 👍🏼