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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Casual pre-arranged lunch.

214 replies

placemats · 28/12/2023 15:10

So this lunch today was arranged about 4 weeks ago and the brief was it was to be a snacking affair and a film after. We decided on what food to bring and what film to watch. It's three of us and we meet up regularly.

Anyway I set off but time has been delayed for arrival by 15 minutes and that's not a worry. I can take my time driving (and avoiding the potholes on the way). However, I missed the turning and got lost - it's a maze of roundabouts - texted to ask for a post code. 20 mins later sat waiting and still no reply, so I text I'm going home.

Halfway home I get a text with the post code so go back. Arrive and food is being put out onto the table and I put my food I've brought. Friend 1, not the host, says 'Oh did you bake that? We probably won't eat it so you can take it home.' To which I replied 'Yes that's a very good idea, in fact I'll take it home now.' And I left. (Forgot my handbag so had to go back).

Was I unreasonable?

OP posts:

GaudeteGaudete · 28/12/2023 18:55

These people don't give you the postcode in advance, and then are dismissive of the thing you baked and brought? The latter part was just rude.

I suspect that your reaction is based on more than just this time? If it is, not unreasonable and maybe it's not the friendships for you.

If it's all usually great and this is out of character from them, especially if you are the constantly-late, constantly-befuddled friend which can be quite wearing, and so stress was involved on all sides, then you may need to make peace to continue the friendship.

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 28/12/2023 18:57

Purplesilkpyjamas · 28/12/2023 18:50

I was alluding to how nasty you are in this thread. I very much doubt anyone who has your mindset has lots of friends. Probably people that don't want you to be unpleasant to them.

Show quote history

You are entitled to your opinion just as I am entitled to mine. The op behaved oddly imo and there was no need to flounce when she could have had a conversation. Her friends probably were bewildered wondering what on earth just happened as she didn't communicate at all.

How is your comment about my friends any less nasty than mine? I can assure you I have many good friends. We communicate if we have issues, which we rarely do, and don't flounce like toddlers.

Friedfriedplantain · 28/12/2023 18:57

estd1869 · 28/12/2023 15:24

OP i suspect you left, they look shocked at each other, then dissolved in to giggles, and then breathed a big sigh of relief and settled down to a nice afternoon together

Edited

Sounds like bad chick-lit.

Olive19741205 · 28/12/2023 19:00

Friend 1, not the host, says 'Oh did you bake that? We probably won't eat it so you can take it home.'

Why are people blatantly ignoring how extremely rude this comment is? If someone said that to me I'd feel like shit and probably want to go home too.

Riapia · 28/12/2023 19:01

Oh dear OP you have strayed onto the AIBU board.
Any views expressed on here are not necessarily those of the people that have posted them.
😉😁😁

Olive19741205 · 28/12/2023 19:08

estd1869 · 28/12/2023 16:17

good grief that is a little frightening!

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Frightening? What on earth has happened to Mumsnet. The amount of dramatic and exaggerated posting going on recently is weird. Are mothers never allowed to show any emotions other than happy clappy? Have we just to be robots at all times?

Fizzadora · 28/12/2023 19:09

Hatty65 · 28/12/2023 15:46

This is just bizarre. Every single person has basically told you how appallingly rude you were and this response suggests you think everyone posting is ridiculous and you are in the right.

I wouldn't ever bother with you again if I was one of your friends. I can't bear this sort of dramatic silliness.

Show quote history

I don't think the OP was being rude at all but her 'friends' certainly were, firstly by telling her to delay her arrival by 15 minutes when she was already on her way, Why would they do that, what difference would it make? Then none of them responded to her text message or phone calls for 20 minutes. How would that happen? I suppose it could be that all of them had their phones muted or were all busy in another room doing something else but it's a bit odd. Then finally one of them, the bloody awkward one, told OP her food contribution wasn't wanted.
How can so many of you think she was the rude one here?
I would have done exactly the same OP and I wouldn't contact any of them until I got an apology.

Finlesswonder · 28/12/2023 19:12

willWillSmithsmith · 28/12/2023 16:19

I’ve no idea but stropping from a friend’s house because they didn’t want to eat something I’d brought would be very weird behaviour to me (I’m 62 so not far off OP’s age). If a friend did that to me I’d be questioning our friendship as I’m not good around attention seeking drama llamas or people with short fuses.

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I'm surprised anyone as vindictive and sanctimonious actually has friends TBH

Olive19741205 · 28/12/2023 19:13

estd1869 · 28/12/2023 17:03

well that’s quite an about turn from how conveyed in the OP

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Are people supposed to put every single action, word and facial expression in their OPs now? I've seen people berated and told "Oh I couldn't read your OP, far too long". We can't win on here.

estd1869 · 28/12/2023 19:15

Olive19741205 · 28/12/2023 19:13

Are people supposed to put every single action, word and facial expression in their OPs now? I've seen people berated and told "Oh I couldn't read your OP, far too long". We can't win on here.

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profuse apologies
and
a goodbye embrace

You don’t think that’s relevant to the OP?!

Olive19741205 · 28/12/2023 19:19

BillionaireTea · 28/12/2023 17:30

The "diagnosis" is because OP is being so weird!
OP you were 35 mins late for lunch, and it was entirely your own fault. Getting lost and not having the correct address and forgetting how to use Google and making an odd judgement call to sit and wait. And then arrived and instead of apologising for being late,over absolutely nothing just stropped off again. They literally only said they couldn't eat your thing- there must be a reason you over reacted so violently.

I also genuinely wonder if there was a short term reason like low blood sugar or a longer term reason like mood changes associated with an illness.

And you are so irritable with all of us when we suggest there might be another reason. Why's that?

Stop making things up! You totally invented this bit And then arrived and instead of apologising for being late,over absolutely nothing just stropped off again

When in reality Friend 1, not the host, says 'Oh did you bake that? We probably won't eat it so you can take it home.

I'd have left too. The person who said it wasn't even hosting. How dare she.

UsingChangeofName · 28/12/2023 19:19

YABU.
Really odd behaviour.
Odd not to have had the address before setting off.
Odd reaction in going home.
But ridiculous in the flounce / reaction when you got there.
I 'heard' the comment about your food as being a bit of a clumsy comment meaning 'looks like we've all over catered here, you could probably take that home (to use elsewhere / freeze) if you want' and not anything nasty. But even if it had been something ruder (which I doubt) you could have said "Rude" and sat down to lunch.

Olive19741205 · 28/12/2023 19:23

ChedderGorgeous · 28/12/2023 17:42

"Probably did overreact "?! You went full mental. You were late because you didn't check the address (weird in itself ) and then had a temper tantrum because your late, soggy bottomed fruitcake was rejected because lunch had finished.

Show quote history

What part of . Friend 1, not the host, says 'Oh did you bake that? We probably won't eat it so you can take it home.' To which I replied 'Yes that's a very good idea, in fact I'll take it home now.' And I left. is "full mental"? Once again, what's going on with the dramatic and over exaggerated posts on Mumsnet recently?

TravelInHope · 28/12/2023 19:24

Yay! That showed them! Bastards, the lot of them. Go non-contact now.

Wolfpa · 28/12/2023 19:25

You overreacted but good friends will understand that it was one of those days

LinnieM · 28/12/2023 19:27

Friend 1, not the host, says 'Oh did you bake that? We probably won't eat it so you can take it home.'

No! Did she really say that?! That is so incredibly rude wow. Why did she actually say that though? Was she trying to say, ‘you’re late, we don’t want this as it isn’t fresh anymore’ or something like that?

Whatever the reason is, she has absolutely no manners. I don’t think you overreacted at all. I’m laughing at you having to go back for your bag though😂🤭 I would have been pissed with myself!

Olive19741205 · 28/12/2023 19:28

sandrapinchedmysandwich · 28/12/2023 18:57

How is your comment about my friends any less nasty than mine? I can assure you I have many good friends. We communicate if we have issues, which we rarely do, and don't flounce like toddlers.

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It's my opinion too that your posts were particularly nasty on this thread.

Ramalangadingdong · 28/12/2023 19:29

EmpatheticAgain · 28/12/2023 17:45

late, soggy bottomed fruitcake

That’s the Christmas spirit! 👍🏼

Op, I think you should put that on a T Shirt:

"Late, soggy/saggybottomed fruitcake" I'll get on in solidarity (we seniors have to stick together!) Wear it with pride. hahaha.

Olive19741205 · 28/12/2023 19:31

estd1869 · 28/12/2023 19:15

profuse apologies
and
a goodbye embrace

You don’t think that’s relevant to the OP?!

Show quote history

No not really but then I always read ALL of an OPs posts when I'm on a thread.

Silvers11 · 28/12/2023 19:32

Bambooshoot · 28/12/2023 16:58

So why leave? Why not just say “Oh bugger, I’ve been an idiot, I can see that now, just had a nightmare journey, I am so, so sorry, I was horrible, can I still join you?” We’ve all had times when temper got the best of us, and friends would usually be the first to forgive and see the funny side if you explain, and let them know you were being freakishly unreasonable. Sounds like you either didn’t want to stay, or didn’t want to admit you were wrong?

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I'm wondering this too. We've all lost our tempers on occasion, especially when we are stressed, so I understand that bit. Friend 1 was a bit rude ( but there may have been context, which you didn't hang around to find out - but as you had to go back, I don't know why you didn't just say something like the above and stay?

CatMadam · 28/12/2023 19:32

The nasty wee comments you’re getting here are far more of an overreaction than your response to a stressful situation, topped with your friend being quite rude to you, was, imo!

Noseybookworm · 28/12/2023 19:37

Gosh, you sound like hard work to be honest! Bet they were glad that you left and all had a nice lunch together 😂

Olive19741205 · 28/12/2023 19:37

CatMadam · 28/12/2023 19:32

The nasty wee comments you’re getting here are far more of an overreaction than your response to a stressful situation, topped with your friend being quite rude to you, was, imo!

Agreed. This is one of the most bizarre threads I've read on here. The replies are absolutely vile. Dramatised with bits added on, OP being told she has dementia etc. And they have the cheek to call OP a drama queen. I've never seen as many dramatic posts on a thread 😂

Blinkityblonk · 28/12/2023 19:38

FYI, OP, you can get a postcode from the address by typing it into Google. I wouldn't be put out by 20 min delay in texting, but it is irritating when you are waiting.

The remark could have been mean, or just a way of saying we've got tonnes of food here already.

Never mind, all done now, onto the next. Don't dwell on it further.

brentwoods · 28/12/2023 19:39

placemats · 28/12/2023 15:59

I'd message or phone and simply say you were tired, hungry, stressed, took offence at the remark about taking your food home and very sorry about it now.

Sound advice @Stupidliefromfriend Thank you.

Well done OP. You've taken all the criticism in stride, including the very inappropriate suggestion of early onset dementia. 🤐

Your food offering sounds lovely and I'm sorry the day didn't go the way you had hoped.

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