To be so angry at how FAT my back and boobs are

[FatBack2023]

I'm raging.
I absolutely HATE my body shape.
I HATE how FAT my back gets when I gain weight.
And my neck.
And my chin.
And my abdomen.
And my BOOBS!! OMG. I'm carrying around 2 great pendulous gargantuan breasts that get more huge with every extra pound of weight I gain.
And I absolutely HATE how easily I gain weight. I put weight on thunderously fast compared to other people.
Why is this?
I basically have to sub exist on 1,200 cals a day to maintain my weight. If I go over this, my weight rapidly increases but it increases in an accelerated way. I put so much weight on so fast, it's completely disproportionate to the extra calories I eat. If I eat 2,000 cals a day for a few weeks, I gain 1 stone in weight. And my back, neck, chin, breasts and tummy BALLOON.
At the end of November, after maintaining my weight with 1,200 cals all year, the Christmas festivities began and I thought, I'm going to let myself go over 1,200 cals for the next month, and eat & drink Christmas things. So I've indulged. But I've carried on tracking (I use nutracheck) and I have stayed below 2,000 cals most days for the past month, but there have been days when I've gone up to 2,400. But interestingly, looking back at my tracking over the past month, on those days where I've gone above 2,000 cals a day, I've naturally eaten a lot less the following day without consciously thinking about it, back down to 1,500 or 1,200 for a day.
Anyway, over the past month, yes I've had mince pies. Yes I've had cake. Yes I've had trifle. Yes I've had biscuits. Wine. Roast dinners. I confess, I have indulged. But not all the time. And not everyday. I've also had home made vegetable soups and salads. And some days I've barely eaten anything. Some days I've had 1 meal only and tracked 800 cals for the whole day. I haven't just eaten Christmas foods all day every day. But yes I have had those foods over the past month. And still tracked every single thing.
And I have gained 18 POUNDS in weight in 1 month!!!!
And it's all gone on my back and boobs and chin and tummy.
I can literally grab handfuls of fat on my UPPER BACK!!
And my bra is too tight!!
And my chin has 2 pound of lard wobbling about under it when I talk!
And my tummy looks like I'm pregnant!!
But the worst thing of all is my back, it is covered in fat! My upper back fat rolls onto my lower back fat.
OMG. I look horrendous.
I feel horrendous.
Meanwhile my legs, bum, hips and arms remain completely unchanged, no extra ounce of fat anywhere on these areas.
I look like I've put a fatsuit onto my central body, like a fatsuit bodywarmer jacket, leaving my arms and legs as normal.
It's aging too....I look years older with all this extra weight.
Oh help.
How have I gained soooo much weight in only 1 month? I'm sure this isn't normal??
Why does it all go onto my back, boobs and tummy?
Why can't I eat the things other people eat??
Why have I put on 18 pounds in 1 month rather than just a few pounds?
I hate my body right now!!!
I'm 45, 5ft 7, and right now I weigh 15 stone.
1 month ago I weighed 13 stone 10.

Aww I’m so sorry OP. I guess it’s just genetics. I know it sucks, I’m the same. I bet you have great legs though! It’s probably better if we hold off judging ourselves for the past month of indulgences. There’s February for that! 😳

At the end of November, after maintaining my weight... the Christmas festivities began and I thought, I'm going to let myself go over 1,200 cals for the next month, and eat & drink Christmas things. So I've indulged... I have stayed below 2,000 cals most days for the past month, but there have been days when I've gone up to 2,400. Anyway, over the past month, yes I've had mince pies. Yes I've had cake. Yes I've had trifle. Yes I've had biscuits. Wine. Roast dinners. I confess, I have indulged.
The fact that you started all this a month before Christmas would not have helped
I am unsure why you are surprised; do you exercise?

I could have written your post and I am also furious especially about my fat back.

Don’t forget that you’re heading into peri territory, that definitely doesn’t help.

I expect a lot of the weight on the scale is bloating and water retention from eating more salty and fatty things, rather than being true weight gain.

You have my sympathies though - the older I get the harder it is to maintain weight without living a totally Spartan lifestyle. The smallest indulgences tell, whereas when I was a teen and in my 20s I could eat like a king and still stay slim.

I’ve decided I’ll stop hating my body and start hating the societal expectation that a woman in her 40s will have the same figure as a woman in her 20s but it will take some work!

Well I have just put your height, age and weight into an app that calculates your maintenance calories, and chose 'no exercise at all' and it said you could eat 2143 calories per day without gaining weight.

I have always found it to very accurate and have successfully lost a lot of weight using it over the past year.

And 18lb of fat is 63000 extra calories.

So either you are underestimating your calories or you have a serious underlying medical issue and need to see your GP.

Do you weigh everything, count calories in everything including fruit and drinks?

I am not unsympathetic by the way. I've been overweight and know exactly how you feel. I also find it difficult to lose.

Get a personal trainer

I know you might have heard this before and this reply gets said a lot on Mumsnet these days, but the answer is strength training i.e. lifting weights. Building muscle helps your body composition - your figure will change. So yes, you'll still have fat on top if you eat more, but you'll look fitter and healthier... you'll probably look at yourself differently.

Your metabolism is being affected by your low calorie dieting. Read up on cutting out UPFs, intermittent fasting and cold water swimming seem to be the two best weight set point changing techniques.

What's the app @electriclight ?

Do you drink much water?
Do you sleep well?
Do you exercise?

These all help.

This op.

I put on weight like a demon too OP and so I have to hover around 1200 calories a day. I think that eating the Christmassy stuff for a MONTH is a bit much though and I would have piled on over a stone also.

I have relaxed my diet for 6 days and can feel a difference (and also feel much less well than I did eating healthily) so it's back to eating properly again for me now.

Can I ask where you are logging your calories? I need to get a handle on my diet.

as others have said.
Consistently calorie deficit has fooked your metabolic rate.
You don’t mention exercise?
walk and lift weights

I've put on a stone in the last few months due to eating carbs again. It sucks but quite frankly with rising food costs, a plate of pasta and sauce is cheaper than chicken and a load of veg. Makes me sad though!

No advice but I feel your annoyance!

I use the Forbes Health calorie counter but there are lots online, and I've found them all to be broadly in line with each other.

Nothing worked for me until I started counting every calorie going in.

Water, sleep, exercise, hormones, stress all play their part but very minor compared to calories consumed IME.

OP, it is rubbish isn't it. I've stood in changing rooms crying, avoided mirrors, hated my body. I'm sorry you are feeling like this.

Also, Christmas is 3 days!

I use myfitnesspal and I also usually fast from 8pm in the evening to 1pm the next day. I have also let this go for about a week and I just don't feel right at all.

OP at your height and weight your usual daily calorie intake of 1,200 is far too low - even if you have a very sedentary lifestyle.

Can you get to a GP as there may be an underlying issue which needs looking at.

I agree that with your height, age and weight only consuming 1200 calories is way too low. I wonder if there are any underlying health issues, maybe your thyroid?

Hence the famous Christmas song The Three Days Of Christmas

I agree 1200 is way too low to maintain at your height.

Your body needs more than that just to get through a day even if you don't move off the sofa.

This can't be explained by 'slow metabolism' and I think you need to keep an honest daily food diary, and see the GP if this doesn't shed any light on what's happening.

It’s lack of exercise. Make sure you are doing an hour of moderate to vigorous exercise every day and weight training at least twice a week. It won’t change overnight but by next Christmas you’ll see real change

Calories are not the enemy, @FatBack2023. Low calorie, low fat and ultra processed foods are the enemy. I would really encourage you to read this book if you don’t want to spend the rest of your life stuck in a yo-yo dieting cycle. I read this book (Why We Eat Too Much) at the beginning of this year and I’ve lost a stone by just following the advice. No calorie tracking apps in sight.