To be so angry at how FAT my back and boobs are

[FatBack2023]

I'm raging.
I absolutely HATE my body shape.
I HATE how FAT my back gets when I gain weight.
And my neck.
And my chin.
And my abdomen.
And my BOOBS!! OMG. I'm carrying around 2 great pendulous gargantuan breasts that get more huge with every extra pound of weight I gain.
And I absolutely HATE how easily I gain weight. I put weight on thunderously fast compared to other people.
Why is this?
I basically have to sub exist on 1,200 cals a day to maintain my weight. If I go over this, my weight rapidly increases but it increases in an accelerated way. I put so much weight on so fast, it's completely disproportionate to the extra calories I eat. If I eat 2,000 cals a day for a few weeks, I gain 1 stone in weight. And my back, neck, chin, breasts and tummy BALLOON.
At the end of November, after maintaining my weight with 1,200 cals all year, the Christmas festivities began and I thought, I'm going to let myself go over 1,200 cals for the next month, and eat & drink Christmas things. So I've indulged. But I've carried on tracking (I use nutracheck) and I have stayed below 2,000 cals most days for the past month, but there have been days when I've gone up to 2,400. But interestingly, looking back at my tracking over the past month, on those days where I've gone above 2,000 cals a day, I've naturally eaten a lot less the following day without consciously thinking about it, back down to 1,500 or 1,200 for a day.
Anyway, over the past month, yes I've had mince pies. Yes I've had cake. Yes I've had trifle. Yes I've had biscuits. Wine. Roast dinners. I confess, I have indulged. But not all the time. And not everyday. I've also had home made vegetable soups and salads. And some days I've barely eaten anything. Some days I've had 1 meal only and tracked 800 cals for the whole day. I haven't just eaten Christmas foods all day every day. But yes I have had those foods over the past month. And still tracked every single thing.
And I have gained 18 POUNDS in weight in 1 month!!!!
And it's all gone on my back and boobs and chin and tummy.
I can literally grab handfuls of fat on my UPPER BACK!!
And my bra is too tight!!
And my chin has 2 pound of lard wobbling about under it when I talk!
And my tummy looks like I'm pregnant!!
But the worst thing of all is my back, it is covered in fat! My upper back fat rolls onto my lower back fat.
OMG. I look horrendous.
I feel horrendous.
Meanwhile my legs, bum, hips and arms remain completely unchanged, no extra ounce of fat anywhere on these areas.
I look like I've put a fatsuit onto my central body, like a fatsuit bodywarmer jacket, leaving my arms and legs as normal.
It's aging too....I look years older with all this extra weight.
Oh help.
How have I gained soooo much weight in only 1 month? I'm sure this isn't normal??
Why does it all go onto my back, boobs and tummy?
Why can't I eat the things other people eat??
Why have I put on 18 pounds in 1 month rather than just a few pounds?
I hate my body right now!!!
I'm 45, 5ft 7, and right now I weigh 15 stone.
1 month ago I weighed 13 stone 10.

Haven't read all the comments so it may have been recommended already but I would strongly recommend you get your thyroid levels checked out. Won't bore you with the details but I've had mine removed, so have done a lot of reading around the subject and some doctors opine that peri/menopausal women should be taking thyroid replacement drugs on low dose as standard to counteract the fact that the levels drop naturally.
It's easy to be unaware of how much our hormone levels affect us.

I really sympathize with you, especially if you really enjoy food. I will
also second the strength training to control weight-muscle burns calories much more efficiently. And you feel great after a session!

If OP has spent the last month eating a ton of carbs after a period of restriction, she may well also be carrying an extra 5-6lb water weight.

I walk everyday and l am 55 years old , size 10 and never been on a diet. I eat what l like. People don't exercise enough, esp if weather not good. No one in my family is overweight we are all active. Make exercise fun. Sedentary lifestyle is making the nation obese.

@MyBlueDiary

As I understand the science here, excess calories are mostly stored as fat. Only a few 100g stored can be as glycogen, with which comes 2x water. So, 400g glycogen => 800g water = 1200g total or ~2.5lb, but that is a total, not a gain.

I also could have written your post OP.
It's SO frustrating and sadly when you hit the menopause it gets even worse 😞
Unfortunately it's genetics - every single member of my family is the same, on both sides, so no hope really.
I just grin and bear it and try and keep myself fit. It's getting harder though.🙄

If I'd started eating Xmas treats a month before I'd have put on the same, it's a slippery slope. I've had a few meals out and absolutely scoffed myself silly the last 3 days and I've put on 3 lbs. Back on track from tomorrow .

It's 3-4g water for every 1g glycogen (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glycogen) plus the 400g figure is an average based on a 70kg person whereas OP is closer to 95kg. (Plus of course not all water stored in the body is bound to glycogen.) It's really unsafe to assume that 18lb on the scales is 18lb fat and start multiplying up to work out an amount of excess calories.

Could you say which App it is please? 😊

Glycogen is stored in the muscle tissue though, and this has not changed during the last month.
Having said that, there are many other ways water weight is carried, hydration of glycogen is just a part of it. Eating more salt than usual (this might not be immediately obvious - but all the sausage, cheese, even desserts are quite salty!), drinking alcohol and being sedentary can easily lead to +2-3kg water retention.

OP, all the weight going to your stomach and torso would indicate some sort of insulin/blood sugar related issue, you need to specifically manage your carbs and sugar intake. I was in your shoes and have lost 12” off my waist in about 8 months. I have PCOS and it all goes on my waist. x

Sorry but if I ate 2000 calories a day I would be the size of a house.

@MyBlueDiary

Have you misunderstood the word 'part' in that wikipedia article?

Parts are not grams. You need to scale by molecular weight.

thats because thats how your body reacts though. I always thought that. I got to age 38 before everything changed drastically. I was still as active fit as before. more so perhaps as I took my baby out daily and cycled with her on a bike when old enough. Didnt stop the weird sudden massive weight gain.
same happened with my mother - she gained 5 stone when pregnant with me and went from being a size 12 (she's 5ft 10) to a size 22. has been dieting ever since.

I was always overweight 5ft 3 11 stone then went into a deep depression in may and lost all the weight and am now 9stone.
I wouldn’t wish my depression on anyone but isn’t it strange how the body works I mean I virtually lost my appetite over night and it’s not returned. I tried everything before and could never loose it.

I have just come back from a funeral of a neighbour. 40 year old beautiful woman. Life is short. Either embrace the way your body works or do something about it. The words you use to describe your body are so sad and angry. It works, appreciate it. Seriously life really is too short. We all worry about shite, yet our ability to do something about it could be gone in a heartbeat.

@Mumsanetta has it. I have the audiobook of “Why we eat too much” and it’s a game changer. Completely fascinating stuff, too.

I do appreciate there is HEAPS of conflicting health and diet advice out there, though, which makes it even harder to know what to do. Add the quirks of each individual’s physiology and it’s actually tricky to throw out hard and fast rules - although Mumsnet loves to do that (“eat less, move more” anyone?)

I am no Rosie Huntingdon-Whitely and have gained a stone in the last couple of years, through depression and stress. However, I have now basically knocked booze on the head. I do not eat until I feel very hungry. I skip breakfast most days. I try to eat slowly and mindfully. And I lift twice a week with a PT (forced to do this to strengthen the pelvis and spine and increase flex in my hips, to stop my weak lower back going out). I may also be in peri too as my periods are all over the place ATM, having previously been regular.

Same @DewHopper same. I maintain at 1400 and start to put back on weight if I go up to 1500. I am in my 50s but I get it. I'm not railing against it. I was aiming for 800s today, just had 90 grams of tuna, two eggs, 70 grams of peas with a bit of soy sauce. I'm not hungry but I ate 3 walnuts! Now that's 800. Day 1 was easy. Did a standing abs workout too. I know it'svaleays easy the first day, and I'm not planning to do 800 every day.

I night listen to that book recommended upthread, I've been avoiding refined foods as much as I can all year but I might get a few shocks. Like is soya yogurt ultra processed.

I disagree that the problem is not exercising enough, you cannot out run a bad diet, and a lot of foods we think of as being normal staples are very high in calories but don't satiate us. I'm always walking as I don't drive. It's what I eat that matters.

I think people who recommend intuitive eating underestimate how greatly hunger can vary from person to person.

Have you asked your GP about Orlistat? It’s worked wonders for me, I had diet control, worked out 4/5 times a week and this is the on
y thing that’s kickstarted the weight loss

I think in fact people over-estimate how much lots of things can vary from person to person, and actually even from one period of the same person’s life to another period of their life. Body chemistry is complicated. There are hormones and metabolic factors, differences in body shape and fat storage patterns, underlying conditions… and on it goes. Being lucky shouldn’t give people licence to be judgmental.

I'd be surprised at 18 pounds in a month. That is a LOT of weight to gain in a short amount of time.

It doesn't make sense from what you've said it takes on average 3000 excess calories to gain 1lb of fat so if that is all fat gain you'd have had to have 1800 extra calories a day!

I'll guess that's it is not all fat gain and it'll soon drop off once you go back to eating normally.

An allergic reaction - exacerbated by my GP recommending something that made it worse - resulted in me adding more than a stone of water in ten days. We should not assume that all excess weight is fat.

@41quid That was my point.

OP was talking about fat. I was pointing out how difficult it would be to gain that amount of fat in such a short space of time with her calorie intake - so likely something else.

@slaybell I went to the US in October and ate around 2500 calories a day for 10 days and drank a few wines every night - I was suprised that I actually only put 3 to 4 pounds on as it felt like I had eaten a lot as normally eat around 1600 - 18lbs isa lot !

Have you read 'why we eat (too much) by Andrew Jenkinson.

It challenges the idea that calories in = pounds on, because the research demonstrates that there is a discrepancy between the increase in calories human eat and the amount of weight they SHOULD have point on for those additional calories.

Once you understand that, it starts to raise big questions about the diet and food industry generally.

There are a number of writers who are saying similar things in recent years and the science does seem to be backing up the point.

Eating less might make you put on MORE weight rather than lose it.