To be so angry at how FAT my back and boobs are

[FatBack2023]

I'm raging.
I absolutely HATE my body shape.
I HATE how FAT my back gets when I gain weight.
And my neck.
And my chin.
And my abdomen.
And my BOOBS!! OMG. I'm carrying around 2 great pendulous gargantuan breasts that get more huge with every extra pound of weight I gain.
And I absolutely HATE how easily I gain weight. I put weight on thunderously fast compared to other people.
Why is this?
I basically have to sub exist on 1,200 cals a day to maintain my weight. If I go over this, my weight rapidly increases but it increases in an accelerated way. I put so much weight on so fast, it's completely disproportionate to the extra calories I eat. If I eat 2,000 cals a day for a few weeks, I gain 1 stone in weight. And my back, neck, chin, breasts and tummy BALLOON.
At the end of November, after maintaining my weight with 1,200 cals all year, the Christmas festivities began and I thought, I'm going to let myself go over 1,200 cals for the next month, and eat & drink Christmas things. So I've indulged. But I've carried on tracking (I use nutracheck) and I have stayed below 2,000 cals most days for the past month, but there have been days when I've gone up to 2,400. But interestingly, looking back at my tracking over the past month, on those days where I've gone above 2,000 cals a day, I've naturally eaten a lot less the following day without consciously thinking about it, back down to 1,500 or 1,200 for a day.
Anyway, over the past month, yes I've had mince pies. Yes I've had cake. Yes I've had trifle. Yes I've had biscuits. Wine. Roast dinners. I confess, I have indulged. But not all the time. And not everyday. I've also had home made vegetable soups and salads. And some days I've barely eaten anything. Some days I've had 1 meal only and tracked 800 cals for the whole day. I haven't just eaten Christmas foods all day every day. But yes I have had those foods over the past month. And still tracked every single thing.
And I have gained 18 POUNDS in weight in 1 month!!!!
And it's all gone on my back and boobs and chin and tummy.
I can literally grab handfuls of fat on my UPPER BACK!!
And my bra is too tight!!
And my chin has 2 pound of lard wobbling about under it when I talk!
And my tummy looks like I'm pregnant!!
But the worst thing of all is my back, it is covered in fat! My upper back fat rolls onto my lower back fat.
OMG. I look horrendous.
I feel horrendous.
Meanwhile my legs, bum, hips and arms remain completely unchanged, no extra ounce of fat anywhere on these areas.
I look like I've put a fatsuit onto my central body, like a fatsuit bodywarmer jacket, leaving my arms and legs as normal.
It's aging too....I look years older with all this extra weight.
Oh help.
How have I gained soooo much weight in only 1 month? I'm sure this isn't normal??
Why does it all go onto my back, boobs and tummy?
Why can't I eat the things other people eat??
Why have I put on 18 pounds in 1 month rather than just a few pounds?
I hate my body right now!!!
I'm 45, 5ft 7, and right now I weigh 15 stone.
1 month ago I weighed 13 stone 10.

I haven't been able to read every single post but I also wonder if Cushings should be considered. A characteristic is weight gain primarily on the face, abdomen and back but not arms and legs. You'd have 'moon face' and often a 'back hump'. You can get a hair strand test here https://www.cortigenix.com/our-cortisol-test/?gclid=CjwKCAiA-bmsBhAGEiwAoaQNmquaTg3RfsTKgotVr0S_k_RdDFTg28-di1b_Zu4tPwYb10FAcdbLFxoCrsEQAvD_BwE

Maybe check Cushings symptoms and see if any other fit?

A lot of people assume that fat is the same is dumb, and that fat people are obviously all unable to track food accurately or they lie. But even if you were miscalculating by 800kcal a day everyday for a month you shouldn't have gained this much weight.

The same people who witter on about 3500kcal deficit = 1lb loss seem unable to understand the opposite.

I gained 40lbs in ten weeks once. Apparently this means I ate an extra 1750 calories a day on top of my maintenance calories for the entire ten weeks. I know that I didn't do this.

You're just putting together words that do not make sense. There's no such thing as "gluconeogenesis resistance", whilst it is true that gluconeogenesis is regulated primarily by insulin, and in type 2 / metabolic syndrome sufferers it will be altered by excess insulin production, it cannot be triggered by eating protein, fibre or fats. Whilst some dietary fat is essential (at the very least, as a substrate for fat-soluble vitamins, and for essential fatty acids), if it is restricted as a part of keto diet, internal fat will be used instead.

@ExpatAl is it possible that you're confused? Gluconeogenesis doesn't occur in direct proportion to the amount of protein eaten. It occurs when the body needs glucose.

"A lot of people assume that fat is the same is dumb, and that fat people are obviously all unable to track food accurately or they lie. But even if you were miscalculating by 800kcal a day everyday for a month you shouldn't have gained this much weight."

I've been fat so know that feeling well.

But there's no getting away from numerous studies, also tv programmes supporting people through weight loss, demonstrating that many overweight people underestimate their calories. That seems to be the most common reason for 'unexplained' weight gain, with only a small proportion of fat people having a medical condition to account for it. Most of us know people in rl who 'never eat a thing' but really do. So lots of pp have naturally suggested this as a possibility, especially as op has already had her thyroid checked. That's not the same as assuming that fat people are dumb liars. I know that I was underestimating when I started counting calories so it is genuinely worth considering.

I think it ‘s obvious the extraneous ‘resistance’ wasn’t intentional.
I will try to put this simply. Obesity is accompanied by high blood sugar. High blood sugar leads to a host of medical challenges with metabolic syndrome, which in turn becomes insulin resistance, type 2 diabetes if action is not taken. Long term
obesity increases risk of NAFLD and liver is now in bad condition even if cirrhosis hasn’t occurred. More worrying is marked increased risk of dementia. Gluconeogenesis is just not a friend in this context and occurs even if there’s no nutritional intake. It’s elevated also with eating compared to healthy people. It’s not helpful for overweight people, as I said.

if anyone is obese and reading this take it seriously. Get professional help. Nobody will judge you. This time next year you will be celebrating a new healthy life.

everyone reading this, fat or thin, evaluate your fibre intake and google fibre content in veg and legumes. You should be aiming for 30g, with the bulk being viscous fibre.

Your posts are most informative! Thank you.

Sadly menopause, and thyroid issues in my case, can throw everything you mention above out the window.
OP I could have written your post. I can lose weight by sticking to 1200 calories a day and maintain my weight with 1400. This includes walking 3-5 miles a day and HIIT type workouts 5 times a week. Anything above 1400, and it's bloody hard not to go above, I gain weight and all on my back and around my middle. It's an age thing and a woman thing and it's frustrating! No advice sorry, just empathy. Oh and I've had many gp appointments and blood tests and nothing else is wrong.

Thanks for putting it simply, I will hand back my biomedical degree now that you have explained everything to me, clearly I was misled! Who really needs all this science schmience in the era of youtube nutritionists.

@zendeveloper thank you for keeping the misinformation in check. To be honest, I learnt what I understand (correctly or incorrectly) from youtube, I've watched countless clips about the metabolism and with no medical knowledge unless you count leaving cert biology! (ok, fair enough) it still didn't make sense to see gluconeogenesis presented as a bad thing for somebody trying to lose weight, and I don't think @ExpatAl has explained that yet. Why would that sabotage a diet?

I know this thread has had some very snippy posters on it and I don't want to contribute to that (honestly) but it is possible to get a basic understanding of the metabolism from youtube. Not disagreeing that high fibre is important. At one point, I got fairly obsessed and I did watch hours and hours of youtube videos and if something didn't make sense, I'd watch another one until I was understanding it ''at my level''.

It sabotages losing weight because it is elevated in an overweight person after eating compared to a normal weight healthy person. Elevated blood sugar is very unhealthy/harmful and makes weight loss hard. It’s also deeply frustrating for dieters who are really trying and just don’t understand why nothing happens.

But gluconeogenesis only occurs if there's no glucose available in the blood to send to the cells for energy. Eating too much means there is no shortage of glucose in the blood. The bit that makes you fat is if there is too much glucose in the blood over a long time makes you insensitive to Insulin. So more of it is produced. And that's what sends the message to store fat store fat store fat.

I'm so interested in everything you're saying.
I really feel this applies to me and that I have so much to learn about!
I almost feel hopeful........

We’re just going round in circles and I will not engage further. Everything I’ve written is easily found in research.
There is a mistaken view that obese are lazy when in fact they have a lot stacked against them. It is possible to lose though. Exercise to help steady sugar levels. At the very least march on the spot after eating.

Op, you’re tall and reasonably active. You are not eating enough calories. The fact you gain so rapidly when you have anything extra suggests sth going on with your insulin. I suggest chasing that up with your doc asap. If he/she bats you away with pointless suggestions that shows the challenge isn’t understood look elsewhere. It’s very heartening in difficult days to know how far you’ve come.

In the meantime I suggest a few things:

1. Using fitness pal or similar see the the amount of calories you should be eating and then the deficit you require for weight loss.

2. calculate the calories over a week. So eg, in the new regime the mince pie would be included in that weekly total and adjust your calorie intake elsewhere to stay within it.

3. consider intermittent fasting and make your biggest meal breaking the fast and the second, low or without simple carbs. It might be an idea to forego snacks but if you really need one have half an apple with chunk of cheddar or a few berries with very small bowl of Greek yogurt - that type of thing. The idea of 2 meals is to try to keep the insulin response quiet.

You could consider going very low cal keto 6-800 calories which will kickstart weight loss but most importantly help get blood sugar under control. Get a pile of keto sticks. It’s tough, can’t lie, but Jan would be a good month. It’s super effective at tackling visceral fat, waist size, blood sugar, blood pressure. Small piece of fish with broccoli, that type of thing. Then move on to intermittent fasting. Don’t forget to adjust your calorie intake weekly total to your lower weight.

The saddest and most concerning part of all this is how you feel about your body. You hate it. It's really hard to care for and nourish something that you hate. Other comments have focused on the physical but I'd suggest some CBT/talking therapy to explore your negative body image and how that may be leading to self-sabotage.
For info: I've lost 19lbs over December with intermittent fasting. I am 43, 5ft 9 and 18stone. I suffered with ED for years in my teens and twenties. Now I give love and gratitude to my body: it sounds odd but it really makes a difference.

I think that’s very true OP, and as I said in my first post above, you are a lot more than just your appearance. I’d still suggest a few weeks of “caring for yourself” eating to address any nutritional imbalances from the on:off pattern you have had, but also to remind yourself it is all fundamentally about self care. Sometimes a restrictive diet can feel like punishment for being overweight. Some nutritional eating will set you up for that stage and remind you that your body is just a thing you use to live your life and you are trying to position it work to optimally for the real you. Good luck - you will be in good company as the new year starts off!

I'm going to try and dig out a few good videos. I know I got properly obsessed at one point! But even if I don't remember all of the science, I still remember the decisions I made based on the science. Eg narrower eating "window". I dont do longer 36 hour fasts anymore as they can raise cortisol. So, this time last year I had 11 kilos to lose to get back in to normal range. Now I only have between 2 and 3 and they are the hardest. Omg. 1400 almost every day, 800 twice a week. I'll see how that goes. But one slip up, one mince pie and I put on a kilo! Maybe I should leave my body to medical science!!

Keep going Chanel!! You really are nearly there .