To be so angry at how FAT my back and boobs are

[FatBack2023]

I'm raging.
I absolutely HATE my body shape.
I HATE how FAT my back gets when I gain weight.
And my neck.
And my chin.
And my abdomen.
And my BOOBS!! OMG. I'm carrying around 2 great pendulous gargantuan breasts that get more huge with every extra pound of weight I gain.
And I absolutely HATE how easily I gain weight. I put weight on thunderously fast compared to other people.
Why is this?
I basically have to sub exist on 1,200 cals a day to maintain my weight. If I go over this, my weight rapidly increases but it increases in an accelerated way. I put so much weight on so fast, it's completely disproportionate to the extra calories I eat. If I eat 2,000 cals a day for a few weeks, I gain 1 stone in weight. And my back, neck, chin, breasts and tummy BALLOON.
At the end of November, after maintaining my weight with 1,200 cals all year, the Christmas festivities began and I thought, I'm going to let myself go over 1,200 cals for the next month, and eat & drink Christmas things. So I've indulged. But I've carried on tracking (I use nutracheck) and I have stayed below 2,000 cals most days for the past month, but there have been days when I've gone up to 2,400. But interestingly, looking back at my tracking over the past month, on those days where I've gone above 2,000 cals a day, I've naturally eaten a lot less the following day without consciously thinking about it, back down to 1,500 or 1,200 for a day.
Anyway, over the past month, yes I've had mince pies. Yes I've had cake. Yes I've had trifle. Yes I've had biscuits. Wine. Roast dinners. I confess, I have indulged. But not all the time. And not everyday. I've also had home made vegetable soups and salads. And some days I've barely eaten anything. Some days I've had 1 meal only and tracked 800 cals for the whole day. I haven't just eaten Christmas foods all day every day. But yes I have had those foods over the past month. And still tracked every single thing.
And I have gained 18 POUNDS in weight in 1 month!!!!
And it's all gone on my back and boobs and chin and tummy.
I can literally grab handfuls of fat on my UPPER BACK!!
And my bra is too tight!!
And my chin has 2 pound of lard wobbling about under it when I talk!
And my tummy looks like I'm pregnant!!
But the worst thing of all is my back, it is covered in fat! My upper back fat rolls onto my lower back fat.
OMG. I look horrendous.
I feel horrendous.
Meanwhile my legs, bum, hips and arms remain completely unchanged, no extra ounce of fat anywhere on these areas.
I look like I've put a fatsuit onto my central body, like a fatsuit bodywarmer jacket, leaving my arms and legs as normal.
It's aging too....I look years older with all this extra weight.
Oh help.
How have I gained soooo much weight in only 1 month? I'm sure this isn't normal??
Why does it all go onto my back, boobs and tummy?
Why can't I eat the things other people eat??
Why have I put on 18 pounds in 1 month rather than just a few pounds?
I hate my body right now!!!
I'm 45, 5ft 7, and right now I weigh 15 stone.
1 month ago I weighed 13 stone 10.

All of you sound like nutters, weighing and measuring legs! Just eat when you are hungry, preferably calorie dense nutrient rich less upf foods. No tracking required, your hormones do that if you listen to your body. I'm a Suze 12 at 11 stone, I can't imagine anyone below 10.5 stone looks in any way big.

These things are bollocks for some people - me included, I am similar to the op, 1500 would have me gaining weight- and I am accurate with calories thanks - I choose things that could not possibly be over calorie on as they are portioned as I get fed up with the insinuation that I am simply deluded or stupid. I could never eat anywhere near what these calculators say I can as I would balloon.

Honestly Christmas doesn't start one month before food wise for me. If it did I would early gain a stone minimum. The Christmas decorations etc can go up 3 weeks before but life carries on as normal eating and excersise wise until a couple of days before. In between Christmas and new year I eat healthy and work out to have a new year blow out.

I would say if you are eating such a low amount of calories it's probably a lack of excersise causing the weight gain. Do you walk daily? Work out? Do an activity like hike! These are important day to day activities to keep your weight under control.

Also please start the new year afresh don't beat yourself up, focus on healthy eating and excersise and the weight will drop off.

I could have written your post twice over the past decade. The first time occurred after an extremely stressful time when DD1 was a newborn. The stressful period only lasted about 10 days, but there was also extreme sleep deprivation in that. Despite no prior history of weight issues, I began PILING the weight on with no changes to eating or activity levels. It honestly defied logic. After about a year, I caught a serious gastro bug and was hospitalised. No one could believe that after 10 days of gastro, I had managed to lose the grand total of 100 grams. I ended up hearing about insulin resistance and demanded Metformin from my GP. I didn’t actually lose any weight for the first 4-months, but I stopped gaining weight and was able to eat more normally. Before that, I’d been sticking to about 800 calories in a desperate effort to slow the gain. After 4-months, the weight started falling off. It was still slow and steady, I lost 2.5 stones in about 1-year, which was a bit more than I was actually aiming for. I was able to maintain it without Metformin for another couple of years.

Unfortunately, I seemed to develop the same issue after my fourth child was born. I tried a lot of alternatives first, as I wasn’t quite as heavy as the last time, and I wasn’t gaining weight as rapidly. I then went back on Metformin. Similarly, it took around 4-months to actually start losing weight. I’ve now lost a bit over 1 stone in 6-months, and it’s all completely effortless. I’ve never had an issue with overeating or binge eating, but it’s simply amazing to just be able to eat like a normal person and not pack on weight by walking past the fridge door!!

I’m sorry OP I can totally get how demoralising that is.

Two things- you have to stop hating your body. If it works to keep you alive , gets you around, is able to hug your loved ones and can take you out to have fun then it’s worth learning to at least feel neutral about. Try to accept both the bits you think are good (legs) and those you might choose to be different were that feasible (torso shape) as being all part of the same body and all capable of being loved by the people who care about you as a single package.

Stop staring at it and pinching it and wishing it was different. You are you and whilst we can waste time wishing we were Cindy Crawford it won’t change a thing so better to stop it and just move those thoughts away.

Secondly you are either grossly underestimating your intake or something is wrong (thyroid, taking steroids etc) because if you just upped your average to around 2000 calories a day you cannot gain 18lb as per the comment above- that would require thousands and thousands of calories extra.

Do you actually log every single thing and include drinks and do you weight portions every single time? I used to assume 100g yoghurt was a bowlful when I’m effect it’s a couple of spoonfuls

And Im going to be dull and be another one who suggests you pick up the weights. Get strong! You will have a new found love for that back when it can haul heavy ass weights above your head. In the strength world small is not the goal, strong is. (Both those extra muscles do eat up a fair few extra calories at rest too).

A question for the medically trained:

Is 18 pounds, 63,000 calories for everyone or just for some?

I ask because I've known sick folks being assailed with all manner of cakes and calorific meals continue to lose weight and know two twins who, while spending a week away together attending a family funeral ate identically, the childless one stayed the same weight and the other (mother of three) put on half a stone.

Do those who respond to calories most strongly need to record their food intake more carefully (gluten, fat, protein ...) and reflect on food combinations and their impact to avoid sabotaging themselves?

The biggest impact on my figure has been adopting the 16:8 diet and eating whatever I feel like. No blood sugar fluctuations or excessive hunger pangs that characterised other diets. Two stone down over 18 months, with no anxiety.

So you ate and were merry for a whole month and you gained over a stone. It's hardly tales of the unexpected.

You don't have to go cold water swimming, just immersing yourself in cold water for 10 minutes a day will help. People sometimes use a clean wheelie bin. I've got a dedicated pod for times I don't go swimming (also handy for middle of the night dips in heatwaves!).

This article goes into it in more detail. It mentions cold showers, but personally I think they're the work of the devil! And if I'd tried them as a starter for immersion, I'd never have gone further.

I find immersion good for pain, inflammation and boosting my mood. My immune system seems no better, though.

Cold Water Therapy article

I can sympathise OP. When I was younger I just chose to eat healthy foods (with occasional treats) and led an active lifestyle without exercising - I naturally maintained at a healthy weight without any effort. However after having children and being in my 30s my metabolism completely changed and my old way of doing things just doesn’t work for my body. I tried massively cutting calories and walking a lot more, but it just did nothing for me and I didn’t lose weight. I hit 40 and started with a personal trainer who is also a nutritionist and it’s completely changed my lifestyle. She told me that I needed to count macros, not just calories - I needed to massively increase my protein, I was getting nowhere near enough. And I now do weights and body strength training 3 times a week. I now eat more calories than I was eating before! But the weight fell off me over the last 2 years- I’ve lost 3 stone and now a healthy weight and my body is the fittest I’ve ever been in my life!
I think the crux of it is that our bodies really change as we get older and we have to adapt with that. If you can afford it I would highly recommend doing a short block of sessions with a PT (6-8 sessions) and ask them to tailor a work out programme and eating plan specifically for your body. Then once you have learnt it you can continue the journey on your own. Honestly changed my life.

1lb of fat is 3500 calories.

Just to add, on the off chance it's relevant, I know someone with a rare condition that causes them to be unable to gain weight on their limbs, but easily gain weight on their tummy, etc. I wonder if it's worth a check-up at the GP - there could be anything (or nothing) going on, but best be safe

"These things are bollocks for some people - me included, I am similar to the op, 1500 would have me gaining weight- and I am accurate with calories thanks - I choose things that could not possibly be over calorie on as they are portioned as I get fed up with the insinuation that I am simply deluded or stupid. I could never eat anywhere near what these calculators say I can as I would balloon."

I think that is fair enough, if you have found a way of eating and maintaining a healthy weight that works then why would you need to listen to anyone with a different viewpoint, certainly not some random on mn.

For me, the maths and calculators appeal and work. It takes emotion, feelings and guesswork out of the equation. That's what has worked for me anyway.

Wegovy. I've barely eaten all Christmas because no appetite. Lost 3kg in two weeks - on the lowest dosage. Well worth the money.

Peri menopausal/menopausal women do not need to eat like bloody birds. So sick of the promoting of shit fad diets. We need to be strong and healthy in this phase of our lives.

Eat wisely, focus on nutrition, complex carb, LOADS of filling veg, fruit, nuts grains, seeds. Legumes. Proteins! Less UPF. More home made/cooked where qe can. Life gets in the way!

There is no need to cut out any food groups at all. More water and then more water. Less alcohol or sugary drinks.

We DO need to fuel our bodies well and move them more. Whatever you enjoy that will help when we enjoy our exercise we want to do more. Yes strength/body weight exercise is important for our bones and muscle mass and there’s loads of ways to get that in too. St

But a walk is great, a Zumba class with friends. There is so much on you tube or apps these days we can find something we like. Start small and build up.

Whatever it is move more and eat more volume of lower calorie foods which tend to be veg which in turn is so good for us.

Im sorry to hear it OP. I saw a documentary for people with similar problems, who were asked to keep food diaries, and it turned out they were substantially underestimated the amount they were actually eating.

Big boobs is usually seen as a good thing, isn't it?

One of the downsides of if I lose too much weight is my boobs are like deflated water balloons.

So, think of these as one of the upsides of not being too skinny @FatBack2023

I feel your pain. Takes ages to lose a kilo but only a day to gain it. I have to under-eat (ie be hungry) just to maintain a lower overweight. Even when I lose weight it only comes off my already slim legs and face and leaves my stomach and boobs untouched. I end up giving up because my legs and face get too thin. The whole thing also makes me angry. I was naturally slim and in proportion for much of my life so I find it very difficult to accept what I see in the mirror :(

Seems pretty normal to me. I remember the year I decided that in December, I would eat whatever I fancied. I have thrown away the pictures of new year's eve. My friends didn't recognise me when I showed up for the party and I had to buy a kaftan from Wallis. I had gained I think 7kgs, which is a lot from a start of 63.. It's very easy to slightly underestimate calories consumed.

18*3500/30 = 2100 excess calories per day.
OP says she's only consuming 2000/day on her big eating days, and gains unless she only has 1200 kcal/day.

<shrug>. Maybe OP should sign up to have her special genetics tested, since it seems like her body holds solution to world hunger, so much less food required to sustain her body than other human beings need.

Wow, it has taken me all year to get from 70.5 kilos to 63! I had got down to 61.6 and relaxed a bit and was a bit pee'd off to have put on 1.4 kilos from (as I see it) just being less careful. I was still avoiding sugar, most refined/ high GI carbs. All I did was stop tracking everything, but the intention was to keep going but to just lose the 'obsessive' tracking, but as soon as I stop, the weight creeps back on. Reading about a 7 kilo weight gain like @Switcher describes puts it in to perspective. I'm still trying to get to my goal of 59 kilos and then maintain. That was so easy for me in my forties.
Good luck to everybody staring down the barrel of a big challenge.

I’m sorry you are feeling so down about your appearance OP. You are more than your looks ( a cliche, but it’s true) and you aren’t the the first person, and you won’t be the last, to have over-indulged over Christmas.

I suspect your are fighting against all sorts of background issues including peri. I do think it is worth seeing a gp and checking there aren’t other background issues too. However, beyond that, weight loss is just a tedious slog and I don’t think there is an easy way round that. There will no doubt be loads of January weight loss posts which may give you some support.

The only helpful thing I can think of suggesting that wont already be obvious or previously said is that , while your focus has been on over-consumption, I do wonder what types of food of you have been having? It is possible to over eat and still be malnourished in the sense of not consuming enough fibre and other useful things. If you have been indulging in treats then limiting calories the next day this is a possibility. There isn’t much nutrition in a Christmas mince pie! As a gentle start in the right direction, and a kind to yourself mindset, could you take a few weeks of forgetting ( within reason!) about calorie counting etc and focus instead on making sure everything you eat is truly nourishing. You won’t necessarily lose weight ( and you can even put weight on with too much healthy food) but generally speaking some avocado on brown toast or smoked salmon on rye with a twist of lemon or even a baked potato with spicy beans will nourish and satisfy you much better than the same amount of calories in a sugary mince pie. Lots of fibre will clean out your digestive tract. I quite enjoy slow cooked oats with a couple of chopped prunes and chopped almonds ( with the merest sprinkle of brown sugar if you must, but at least you are getting lots of nutrients with it). Also lots of water to make sure you are hydrated and flush out any water retention issues. Would it be worth a few weeks of eating to nourish and correct dietary imbalances before embarking on a more punishing weight loss regime? That way you know your body is well placed to resist nutritional cravings etc and you may just feel a lot better psychologically knowing you have at least been giving your body what it needs, rather than overindulging in things that aren’t good for it.
But please don’t hate yourself too much. Weight is an issue for so many in our society and there really are greater character failings .

I've found that if I eat 1200 calories a day ( and I'm still 3 and a half stone overweight after losing 2st 4) I actually don't lose weight. If I have several days a week where I eat 1600 and then go back to 1200 I lose weight- slowly but maybe 1 and a half lbs a week.eating a bit more several days a week but still at 'normal' levels seems to kick start my metabolism - and I'm 62

Just looking at numbers...

18 pounds is 8172g. This weight gain is stored almost completely as fat. Each gram of fat is 9 calories.

That is 73,000 calories.

Averaged over 30 days, that is 2450 calories stored per day.

I think something must be wrong with your numbers.

to all those who disbelieve all the sudden weigh gain and inability to lose weight - it can be down to medical issues, not always obvious ones. After I had my daughter, and the stress of my ex husband had gone, I suddenly jumped in weight a huge amount. I mean huge - 3 stone in 3 months. I went from someone who was always a size 8-10 to a size 14-16. second pregnancy bumped things up again, and throw in perimenopause and off we go. Turned out I had primary lymphodema as well - the doctor ran every test known to man after the first weight gain and all was good. Even now all is apparently 'good' but like OP, weight on my belly, back/ boobs/chin and arms/legs all seem fine. I went to weight watchers at one point and managed to get down to 9.5 stone which I maintained for about 6 months, but once I hit 10 stone 'BOOM' massive rapid wright gain. I went back to weight watchers but the things I had done previously didnt work - I weighed and tracked religiously for A YEAR and at the end of the year I had lost 3lbs. I tried Keto. I tried food replacements. I tried Dax Moy, I tried Noom, and recently I tried another one, which was after a long long time of just ignoring things. This time, as with the other more recent I lost almost a stone, and then plateaued. I cannot get below 12 stone, wheras I know I need to be a couple of stone below that. I dont drink. I dont snack, I dont eat crisps or cakes. Most food is prepared from fresh ingredients and I use very little sugar or processed ingredients

I do know menopause is over now and that played havoc. I know that fat deposits in lymphodema are not the same as fat deposits in most peoples skin. I know that lymphodema is an inflammatory condition and Ive developed / have a whole bunch of inflammatory connective tissue issues, and at times when Ive been very stressed, everything flares up and my weight jumps rapidly - much more rapidly than just calories in. Most studies on weight are not done on women - we are far far too complex with our hormones. And even where we lay down fat is different, not only from men, but at different points in our lives.

Im afraid I have no answer. But just wanted to say, its not nearly as simple as some people are saying.

OP, I'm a similar age to you and like you can gain a large amount while feeling I'm only deviating slightly from normal. The things that I find hard are perimenopause and how differently I need to eat from the rest of my family to avoid gaining (Dh is 6'5", DS similar, both sporty so it's not surprising but it's hard to have to eat such a restricted diet and STILL being the fat one when surrounded by people eating vast quantities of whatever they want).

I would recommend the following-

• get a full blood count and thyroid test done at your GP
• for me, simple carbs make me gain a huge amount. There are good science-based reasons for this (I'd recommend reading Giles Yeo) so ignore anyone who tells you that all calories are equal
• ditto alcohol sadly
• On the plus side, protein, veg and healthy fats like olive oil are great and less likely to lead to over-eating because they fill you up and don't fuck up your blood sugar
• Cut out the UPF
• Would you consider stopping counting cals and switching to a different way of eating instead-veg, protein, healthy fat, some fruit and wholegrains but not too much (base your meals around the veg rather than eg a bowl of pasta). Think about what's nourishing rather than what's low cal. That can help you break out of the diet/binge mindset.
• weights, yoga, walking

But I'm afraid fundamentally it's about accepting reality- that you can gain a large amount in a short time and if you don't want to do that, you need to change how you eat. That's why it's frustrating when people pop up on threads like this to say X or Y is not possible, or that they know better than you what you have eaten. Figures like 3500 cals/lb are only ever averages and, as a perimenopausal woman with a history of calorie restriction, you are not average. For me, just accepting that some other people can eat a lot more than me without gaining weight was a turning point.