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Original poster

Took the shine off my Christmas present

364 replies

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:24

We had and family round for Christmas and Boxing Day and after hosting, finally got round to showing off my gift from DP.

Obviously I was really pleased as it was something I've wanted for a while, not cheap so I hadn't just bought it myself already, and I made that clear. As I'm showing them what I got, my very close friend gets out her phone, searches for the gift and buys herself the exact same thing. It's something you'd wear so I did comment but she made out like it was fine, we won't wear them at the same time etc and I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I just feel like it's not the done thing though and it really took the shine off it for me. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not but just honestly felt a bit gutted 😞

OP posts:
HelloOhHell · 27/12/2023 09:39

what was the gift? Or are you more annoyed at the fact you friend has the ability to just whip out their phone and buy an item that is “not cheap” like it’s nothing?

cynan · 27/12/2023 09:39

What adult "shows off" their Christmas gift? I find that unreasonable. Are you put out that your friend could afford the item without it having to be a Christmas treat?

kwarr24 · 27/12/2023 09:39

I don't think your being unreasonable was a bit selfish to do that especially in front of you moments later, personally I wouldn't do that but seems a little jealous if you ask me. Had to try and one up you, but either way, I would just take it as a compliment, I'm sure you'll wear it better anyway! Wink

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 09:41

What was it? I can’t imagine showing off my Xmas gift to other adults, that’s toe curling. Unless it was an engagement ring, which is clearly wasn’t.

it seems whatever it was is easily available so you can’t have thought you’d be the only person with it. So not sure of the issue?

kwarr24 · 27/12/2023 09:41

cynan · 27/12/2023 09:39

What adult "shows off" their Christmas gift? I find that unreasonable. Are you put out that your friend could afford the item without it having to be a Christmas treat?

I think that's a bit unfair, I think it's completely okay to show off something your excited about it seems like she was showing off in a nice way because she was really happy about her gift - doesn't come down to money and even if it did it's unfair to comment as if she is jealous or couldn't afford it.

RowanMayfair · 27/12/2023 09:43

Don't be petty.

ChocolateTVandbaby · 27/12/2023 09:46

I also wonder whether you are annoyed she could simply afford it but also agree it's odd behaviour of her to do that. She coldly have waited until she got home if she wanted to order one for herself!

Deebee90 · 27/12/2023 09:46

My ex best friend used to do This and that’s why she’s no longer a best friend. I’m guessing it’s a bag or shoes. Next time don’t show them off I know it’s hard but this will keep happening.

Original poster
notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:47

Sorry, should've made it clearer. It's not about the money, I've more disposable income than she has. I just meant it's a bit of a treat, not something you'd buy everyday.

And yes I was showing it to my family, I think my mum said come on, let's have a look what X got you. Was nice to get a minute to sit down and chat about our gifts after 2 days cooking and hosting for everyone!

I really wasn't expecting my best friend to decide it's that nice that she must have exactly the same thing right there and then!

OP posts:
Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 09:47

Is it the financial thing, the fact you had to wait to get it for Xmas, and couldn’t afford to buy it for yourself, and she could just buy it then and there without a second thought? I can see why that was insensitive, although I guess you knew there was a difference in circumstances?

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 09:48

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:47

Sorry, should've made it clearer. It's not about the money, I've more disposable income than she has. I just meant it's a bit of a treat, not something you'd buy everyday.

And yes I was showing it to my family, I think my mum said come on, let's have a look what X got you. Was nice to get a minute to sit down and chat about our gifts after 2 days cooking and hosting for everyone!

I really wasn't expecting my best friend to decide it's that nice that she must have exactly the same thing right there and then!

Ok cross posted. If that’s the case, I’m not getting you at all

rookiemere · 27/12/2023 09:49

It is. bit of a compliment that she liked it so much she had to get one straight awy.

Candycurrantbun · 27/12/2023 09:49

It wouldn't bother me.

Original poster
notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:50

"Is it the financial thing, the fact you had to wait to get it for Xmas, and couldn’t afford to buy it for yourself, and she could just buy it then and there without a second thought? I can see why that was insensitive, although I guess you knew there was a difference in circumstances?"

No, that's not the case. I only mentioned the cost as it's not something either of us would just normally buy without a second thought.

OP posts:
ErrolTheRednosedDragon · 27/12/2023 09:50

I know they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I agree with the OP that this was tactless of her friend, and 'not the done thing'.

HelloOhHell · 27/12/2023 09:50

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:47

Sorry, should've made it clearer. It's not about the money, I've more disposable income than she has. I just meant it's a bit of a treat, not something you'd buy everyday.

And yes I was showing it to my family, I think my mum said come on, let's have a look what X got you. Was nice to get a minute to sit down and chat about our gifts after 2 days cooking and hosting for everyone!

I really wasn't expecting my best friend to decide it's that nice that she must have exactly the same thing right there and then!

🙄 right. it’s really not that deep

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 09:52

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:50

"Is it the financial thing, the fact you had to wait to get it for Xmas, and couldn’t afford to buy it for yourself, and she could just buy it then and there without a second thought? I can see why that was insensitive, although I guess you knew there was a difference in circumstances?"

No, that's not the case. I only mentioned the cost as it's not something either of us would just normally buy without a second thought.

Well she did. What was it? Your op specifically says you didn’t buy it as it was not cheap and you’ve wanted it for awhile, now it’s not about rhe money , but you are “gutted”

it’s not very clear what the issue is.

Original poster
notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:52

Maybe it's not that deep then but now do I need to check if she's wearing hers before we go anywhere? Or do you often see people wearing identical coats/shoes/bags?

OP posts:
Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 09:53

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:52

Maybe it's not that deep then but now do I need to check if she's wearing hers before we go anywhere? Or do you often see people wearing identical coats/shoes/bags?

It genuinely wouldn’t cross my mind.

Topee · 27/12/2023 09:53

Having the same bag or shoes as someone else wouldn’t bother me at all, but I do know someone who got the right hump as her friend had bought the same jumper as her.

Willywanker1 · 27/12/2023 09:54

What was it?

ChocolateTVandbaby · 27/12/2023 09:54

OP I would feel the same as you and I find it off that people thing you're being petty. She was the one to copy you so hopefully she won't wear them when you're together, which she suggested anyway.

Ragwort · 27/12/2023 09:55

Take it as a compliment.

But different people have different expectations around 'treats' and 'gifts' and you can't assume that everyone else's opinions are the same as your's. I was reading a thread on here about iPads as Christmas presents for DC and there was more than one comment saying an iPad shouldn't be a 'present' as DC need them for homework etc ... and a similar comment that if a bike is needed to get to school then it shouldn't be a present.... or that clothes shouldn't be presents ... personally I don't share those views.

No wonder gift giving is such a nightmare!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 27/12/2023 09:56

What is the thing? Would make it easier to answer

sunlovingcriminal · 27/12/2023 09:57

I'm with you @op and I get you on this. It was "your" Christmas treat, so to just have someone whip out their phone and buy something that you'd pegged as being unique and special for you is hard. It's not like them accidentally turning up in a matching outfit. Sometimes we like the idea (whether or not loads of other people in the country have the same thing), of having something special to ourselves.