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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Took the shine off my Christmas present

364 replies

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:24

We had and family round for Christmas and Boxing Day and after hosting, finally got round to showing off my gift from DP.

Obviously I was really pleased as it was something I've wanted for a while, not cheap so I hadn't just bought it myself already, and I made that clear. As I'm showing them what I got, my very close friend gets out her phone, searches for the gift and buys herself the exact same thing. It's something you'd wear so I did comment but she made out like it was fine, we won't wear them at the same time etc and I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I just feel like it's not the done thing though and it really took the shine off it for me. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not but just honestly felt a bit gutted 😞

OP posts:
Sennelier1 · 28/12/2023 18:47

I think your friend should check with you if you are going out wearing that particular gift, not the other way around. She is the copy-cat, not you. And if you see her with it while you are wearing yours, say loud enough for the company to hear "you really had to have what I have now don't you, you couldn't choose your own [handbag] then? How old are you anyway? Like.... 8?"

anon666 · 28/12/2023 18:47

It's very greedy of her to belittle your present by visibly buying it on a whim. I suspect it's unintentional but very thoughtless if it was a real treat.

It'd be even worse if she got it cheaper in the sale 😫

Atethehalloweenchocs · 28/12/2023 18:53

Its weird of your friend to do it that way. And to buy something you know it identical is massive pain in the neck.

Shellbe88 · 28/12/2023 18:59

I don’t think I’d mind. Take it as a huge compliment that she wanted it. It was clearly a lovely present and I’d be chuffed to match my best mate even as a grown adult 🤣🤣🤣

Wexone · 28/12/2023 19:15

I totally get ya. my mother does this the whole Time when my sis buys anything for her house. she has bought the same bar stools, Delph and patio set to name a few in the past two years that my sis has..my sis actually has stopped telling her anything now. she has just got new decking and the running joke over Xmas was how long before my mother starts suggesting it for her house - and she will be requesting exactly what my sis has. I caught her taking photos of my newly decorated bathroom one time and her bathroom tye exact same style as mine - good now I have sold that house. I think she was even more rude to order them straight in front of you and your guests. I would be reducing contact a bit and jeep quiet about a few things
I do have a friend (who also used to work with) that has similar taste to me and we have turned up at work and days out in same top or shoes. but that is juts coincidence. this is just weird

Frisate · 28/12/2023 19:20

I can relate to how you feel OP, I think most people would feel the same in that situation. Your friends’ behaviour was really bizarre, I’m sorry it happened.

OldPerson · 28/12/2023 19:27

Who are your friends? Just how do you get a gift and suddenly you're discussing where from and someone else is clicking "buy"? You all deserve each other. Because you all sound materialistic and wanting to showcase to each other.

fetchacloth · 28/12/2023 19:54

I would be more flattered than a annoyed but it's strange behaviour.

GrannyHelen1 · 28/12/2023 20:27

It's a compliment - she must really like it or she wouldn't have bought herself one. Relax and get over it.

Ilovecleaning · 28/12/2023 22:12

cynan · 27/12/2023 09:39

What adult "shows off" their Christmas gift? I find that unreasonable. Are you put out that your friend could afford the item without it having to be a Christmas treat?

FFS. Loads of people ‘show off’ their presents. Bit of a nasty take on the post. Why? 🤷‍♀️

Ilovecleaning · 28/12/2023 22:14

Your friend is absolutely pathetic. How old is she? 12? She doesn’t sound much a close friend to me. Big baby.

Waitresstime · 28/12/2023 22:27

I don’t think it’s bad to show off a gift!! I can’t understand why anyone would think so either . I also think you’re perfectly reasonable to feel put out !! She’s pretty selfish to do that tbh!

Cuttysark4321 · 28/12/2023 23:02

I'm not sure id give this a second thought, nevermind posting on mumsnet about it. Are you quite young OP? Presents matter less when you get a bit older.

Original poster
notdoing · 28/12/2023 23:53

"Are you quite young OP?"

Haha, if only. No, we're not young and for all those thinking it's odd to show your mum a gift you've been given when she asks to see it, I can't relate. Not sure what you think I should've said to her! No mum, I'm an adult, you can't see my gift 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
notdoing · 28/12/2023 23:56

"Because you all sound materialistic and wanting to showcase to each other."

Really? Have you read my updates? I didn't thrust my gifts in their face the minute they came in the door. In fact we'd spent Christmas (with me hosting for everyone) eating, laughing, playing games and chatting way before this happened.

OP posts:
Dibbydoos · 29/12/2023 00:01

@notdoing Your friend is a dork, who does that?

Showing your present off isn't wrong either, my DD bought me a designer bag and I've showed it to everyone, not cos it's a brand but it's just perfect for what I needed!

Don't let you're dork of a mate put you off your lovely present and wear it when you want to.

MissingMoominMamma · 29/12/2023 00:21

Ths was crass of her.

FourthToeOnTheRight · 29/12/2023 00:25

YABU. No idea why you’d be bothered by this. I’d think it was a compliment.

FourthToeOnTheRight · 29/12/2023 00:27

There are far more things to be bothered about in life, this isn’t one of them!

Let it go…..

Diggerdriverless · 29/12/2023 01:09

I think it was odd, and rather rude, of your friend. Perhaps she has always liked this item too but you hadn't realised? Regardless, you had yours first and it was a gift while she has had to buy for herself.

JMSA · 29/12/2023 01:15

I'd take it as a compliment! However it was a bit crass of the friend to order it there and then. I'd at least have waited until getting home Grin

Noseybookworm · 29/12/2023 01:28

notdoing · 27/12/2023 10:15

"What is the gift?"

Sorry, I don't want to say. She uses MN occasionally and as pps have said, it's not worth falling out about. I do think she'd make a big thing about me having shared this on here even though it's completely anonymous.

I suppose I need to consider why that is, just like I'm wondering why she ordered herself the same thing there and then, despite others in the room being a bit taken aback and saying as much at the time.

The fact is, it's not something either of us would just buy every day, it was special enough that I went and got it to show them and they wanted to see. She also apparently agreed it would be odd if we wore it at the same time.

Don't you think she'd recognise the scenario from your description even without saying what the gift is?!

Sally20099 · 29/12/2023 07:11

I totally understand your feelings - I think it’s poor form on behalf of your friend. As for all the comments on here asking what kind of adult “shows off” her gifts I can’t believe what I was reading. Half the country shows off everything on Facebook or Insta, so getting excited about something new in front of family and friends is absolutely normal. Ignore the haters.

Ilovecleaning · 29/12/2023 07:13

GrannyHelen1 · 28/12/2023 20:27

It's a compliment - she must really like it or she wouldn't have bought herself one. Relax and get over it.

No. Not a compliment, it’s one-up-manship.

Ilovecleaning · 29/12/2023 07:28

Hi, OP. I sympathise with you having to deal with your scene-stealing, grandstanding friend and I have a question:
Has she done this kind of thing before? Has the incident made you look at her differently or reassess your relationship? I notice even your mum commented on it. Do you think your friend might be a bit toxic and you’re only just realising?
ok, that’s more than one question! 😊

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