Took the shine off my Christmas present

[notdoing]

We had and family round for Christmas and Boxing Day and after hosting, finally got round to showing off my gift from DP.

Obviously I was really pleased as it was something I've wanted for a while, not cheap so I hadn't just bought it myself already, and I made that clear. As I'm showing them what I got, my very close friend gets out her phone, searches for the gift and buys herself the exact same thing. It's something you'd wear so I did comment but she made out like it was fine, we won't wear them at the same time etc and I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I just feel like it's not the done thing though and it really took the shine off it for me. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not but just honestly felt a bit gutted 😞

I completely understand OP, your friend was bang out of order. But if she uses Mumsnet she'll get this is you.
I also find it odd to show people your presents.

Surely pissing on her parade is saying it is shit or something, not saying that’s so good I will get one myself?

I thought this post would be about your DH buying you a gift like a piece of jewellery that you literally took the shine off of it and damaged it.

I don’t think it’s odd that your friend bought the same thing if she liked it, I think that’s quite common and how trends are set. What I do think is odd is how your friend openly made such an enormous display of letting you and everyone else know they’ve bought it as soon as they did. To me that’s just being grossly arrogant and done for no other reason than to be attention seeking. She could have bought it resisted the urge to have to tell everyone about it. I think that’s just about being polite and having basic manners. Does she usually struggle when the attention is not focused on or around her?

I think the most important thing to take away from this is that you really loved your gift and that your DH has put his thought, love and effort into buying you a gift that you like. You can’t put a price on having a loving, thoughtful partner.

It's very rude to be a guest in someone's home and to get your phone out to do some shopping!

It's a bit weird of your friend. You're right, it's not really the done thing.

I think the context is important, too.

It really does depend on whether there is any likelihood she has dark personality issues and/or hates you. If so, then you having a moment of something nice and some compliments will have been torment for her and she has taken out her phone and ordered the same thing to "fix" the sensation. Would work regardless of whether she told anyone.

My choice would be to assume innocent thoughtlessness and act accordingly, that's probably the path that's best for you and everyone else. Then if there are any red flags drop the assumption.

I suspect the gift is something ubiquitous like a Kate Spade bag. You cannot ban other people from owning the same thing!! Honestly, nobody will notice.

Seriously OP, friend had dodgy timing but aside from that, you would be very foolish to let this affect your friendship or your enjoyment of your present, which clearly means a lot to you.

For your own sake, just forget about it.

It sounds like odd behaviour to me.Even if I saw a friend with something I liked, I'd not sit there and instantly buy the same thing because that's a bit weird.

Obviously some people will have the same things or similar items and people might be inspired by seeing something from a friend, but buying the same item within a few hours if a friend showing you a present is weird.

Is it Uggs?

shudder

TBF OP I'm either or with this one and while I do understand that there will be others out there with a similar item there are also times when you just want something for yourself that no one around you has.

This made me laugh so hard! I was just telling my husband about this and then started reading this post to him! Haha

@notdoing
I think 🤔 i get it,

Its the fact that your friend was insenistive,
she made something speacial to you seem
Cheap,!
like it was nothing speacial in the first place,

It was just small fries 🍟 😕

not nice of her .!

like look what i can do,

I don't even have to wait for it like you did as a gift from someone,

Your friend is massively insecure around you , so feels she has to prove herself worthy feel better about herself,
Cause you earn more than her.

Any other examples where she has done wtf shitty 😒 things to make a points to you then you can tell us about then?

she does sound like she could be a bit jealous of you too.

I think you need to widen your social circle and distance yourself from this one,
as its something that will allways happen when you associate with this friend,

It's unpleasant behaviour !

not everyone gets it but i do

send i wouldn't like it that much either.

No, it’s doing anything that ruins someone’s pleasure.

Friend might not have meant it to be fair, but it’s the same effect. Friend might be clueless to social norms, or might have insecurities, or maybe wants to be just like her buddy and dress just like her. Who knows. Whichever was OP’s enjoyment has been dulled.

Typo mistake send word *

Why are you posting those weird links?

I get it OP, the item was something you’d wanted for a while, it was treat and now it doesn’t seem so special, she’s taken the pleasure out of knowing your DH had done something nice for you with just a few clicks on a button. Her comparison was the thief of your joy.

I have a friend who seemed to like my taste in clothes, shoes etc. hairstyle and then it escalated to buying the same sofas as me but she took it too far when she sold her house and bought one exactly the same as mine after we’d moved away. The builders had the same style house in different towns. She stayed in the same area we’d moved away thankfully. I’m fond of her but it was becoming, ridiculous, seeing two forty year old woman out on the school run wearing identical clothing. She could see me walking up the road towards school, and ‘just happened” to walk out of the door wearing the same clothes as me. The hairstyle was a bad move, she didn’t suit it, we have different face shapes, mine is heart shaped and l have small features, hers is long with broader features and a Pixie cut wasn’t her best idea. She cried for a week over it.
We’ve since moved house and town and so far she’s stayed put.

She could have waited until she got home and then ordered it.

People who copy others are just lazy or have a mental ago of 12? She’s like a child who goes to her mum and says she wants the same Barbie bag her friends got at school.

Don’t get your stuff out in future when she’s there.

I’m a bit astounded at how few people here get it. It’s okay to want to feel special, OP, and that the thing you were given was special and thoughtful and just for you. I think women (and mothers in particular) have to give so much of themselves away for the sake of other people, and it’s nice to be able to have something entirely for you that makes you feel seen and loved. Your friend doing what she did took the shine off because all of a sudden that moment doesn’t feel like it’s just for you. You’ve had to budge over and ‘share’.

TBH, I would be questioning the integrity of the friend. If she really wanted it she could have bought it later, at home, and kept it to herself. Instead she made a huge display of getting it right there in front of you. It wasn’t about money, unless she feels insecure regarding her own money, it was about deliberately positioning herself next to you to show that she could have something like that too. Sounds like jealousy to me. Unfortunately, jealousy to the point where she’s happy to make you feel like shit to make herself feel better. I don’t think I would consider her a friend.

On the bright side, she can’t remove the gesture and intention your partner meant in giving you the gift. Try to hold onto that side.

But you’re definitely not being unreasonable.

I think she’ll recognise this post as being about her whether you mention the specific item or not op!

I think it's rude to get on your phone and go internet shopping when you have guests round. I also think it's courteous to ask a friend who owns something if they'd mind you buying the same thing. I would expect anyone to say yes, but it's nice to check anyway. A friend of mine has a bag I love and if I were to seriously think about buying it I'd probably just check with her first.

That said...try not to let it spoil your enjoyment of your gift. It is not worth it!

And yes it was odd to order the same item! Does she usually try to copy you?

For Daffodilsandtulips

I understand.

My BIL has done this to me. We don’t have much money though, BIL and SIL do.

I got a Barbour coat a few years ago, after wanting one for years. After he saw it, he left my house and bought my SIL one.

Our children are the same age, he’d come to our house, see a toy we had bought for his birthday and he’d immediately go online and buy it.

Bloody annoying.