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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Took the shine off my Christmas present

364 replies

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:24

We had and family round for Christmas and Boxing Day and after hosting, finally got round to showing off my gift from DP.

Obviously I was really pleased as it was something I've wanted for a while, not cheap so I hadn't just bought it myself already, and I made that clear. As I'm showing them what I got, my very close friend gets out her phone, searches for the gift and buys herself the exact same thing. It's something you'd wear so I did comment but she made out like it was fine, we won't wear them at the same time etc and I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I just feel like it's not the done thing though and it really took the shine off it for me. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not but just honestly felt a bit gutted 😞

OP posts:
Marblessolveeverything · 27/12/2023 10:14

I'm sorry but I don't see the problem 😕.

Unless it is customised it will be mass produced and available to anyone who wants.

CiaraLiara · 27/12/2023 10:15

What a weirdo (your friend). She probably also got it on the sale!!!

Original poster
notdoing · 27/12/2023 10:15

"What is the gift?"

Sorry, I don't want to say. She uses MN occasionally and as pps have said, it's not worth falling out about. I do think she'd make a big thing about me having shared this on here even though it's completely anonymous.

I suppose I need to consider why that is, just like I'm wondering why she ordered herself the same thing there and then, despite others in the room being a bit taken aback and saying as much at the time.

The fact is, it's not something either of us would just buy every day, it was special enough that I went and got it to show them and they wanted to see. She also apparently agreed it would be odd if we wore it at the same time.

OP posts:
WashItTomorrow · 27/12/2023 10:16

I’m with you, OP. That is very poor behaviour from the friend.

TheRealLilyMunster · 27/12/2023 10:16

CalistoNoSolo · 27/12/2023 10:13

It doesn't matter. 🙄

Show quote history

Aren't you just a tiny bit curious? 😁

CorylusAgain · 27/12/2023 10:17

It's a nice enough thing for everyone I was showing to be saying "oh it's lovely" and passing around to look at. Hence, it felt a bit special, until suddenly it wasn't
But it remains special. It was bought for you by your dh and everyone admired it. Your friend's odd action in buying herself one doesn't actually change that. If she'd slagged the item off or made a nasty comment, that could have spoiled the moment. But she's simply shown herself to be odd.

Calabou · 27/12/2023 10:17

If you somehow know how much disposable income your friend has, and you have more, why is it important that you waited for it as a gift if could have been bought whenever?
I don't think it's really a weird thing for her to do, but if it's a mass-produced item she was able to find and purchase very quickly, you'll likely come across quite a few people wearing it anyway.

queenMab99 · 27/12/2023 10:18

It doesn't matter what it is, or how much it cost, your friend was just rude.

missmollygreen · 27/12/2023 10:18

I would take it as a compliment.

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 10:18

I do kind of get the op. As much as I think passing round a Xmas gift for folks to look at is cringe, (and I’d get it more if this was a financial circumstance thing) .i do find it odd that the friend did this, but then it something clearly they both could easily afford, as the friend didn’t give it a second thought and the op says she’s wealthier than her friend, so she could easily also afford, maybe the friend didn’t realise ir was so special to the op. Weird all round in my book.

Alwaysdieting · 27/12/2023 10:18

Yep im with you op. I would be pissed off too. She sounds jealous so I would rethink my friendship. I know it has spoilt your present and thats a shame because you have wanted it for a while. I think she is a bit of a cow ordering it right in front of you.
I never understand people.

LaurieStrode · 27/12/2023 10:19

ChocolateTVandbaby · 27/12/2023 09:54

OP I would feel the same as you and I find it off that people thing you're being petty. She was the one to copy you so hopefully she won't wear them when you're together, which she suggested anyway.

Agree, she was obnoxious.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 27/12/2023 10:19

You don't want to say what it is and it isn't because she might see the thread-it's easily outing on its own without saying what the gift was...
Anyway, yes it was odd and I'd also have felt irritated by it, she's not a good friend and you might want to give that some thought.

NonPlayerCharacter · 27/12/2023 10:19

Yes, that's antisocial and weird. If she wanted it she should have bought it later, in private, and been careful not to wear it when she knew she'd be seeing you.

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 10:19

Alwaysdieting · 27/12/2023 10:18

Yep im with you op. I would be pissed off too. She sounds jealous so I would rethink my friendship. I know it has spoilt your present and thats a shame because you have wanted it for a while. I think she is a bit of a cow ordering it right in front of you.
I never understand people.

Why is she jealous? She liked it and could buy it without a second thought? Jealous is wanting something you can’t have.

jhy · 27/12/2023 10:20

Why not take it as a compliment that she loved it just as much as you?

flawlessandfearless · 27/12/2023 10:20

notdoing · 27/12/2023 10:15

"What is the gift?"

Sorry, I don't want to say. She uses MN occasionally and as pps have said, it's not worth falling out about. I do think she'd make a big thing about me having shared this on here even though it's completely anonymous.

I suppose I need to consider why that is, just like I'm wondering why she ordered herself the same thing there and then, despite others in the room being a bit taken aback and saying as much at the time.

The fact is, it's not something either of us would just buy every day, it was special enough that I went and got it to show them and they wanted to see. She also apparently agreed it would be odd if we wore it at the same time.

If she's on here and reads this, she'll know it's you without naming the item.

I don't see the big deal really, she liked the item and bought it. It is kind of a compliment.

I have the same dress as a friend so we'll check in if we're going somewhere we might wear it.

It only takes the shine off if you let it and honestly it's a bit precious.

flawlessandfearless · 27/12/2023 10:21

NonPlayerCharacter · 27/12/2023 10:19

Yes, that's antisocial and weird. If she wanted it she should have bought it later, in private, and been careful not to wear it when she knew she'd be seeing you.

Yeah, I probably wouldn't have said there and then tbf.

Mirrormeback · 27/12/2023 10:21

Some very weird comments on here

Of course it's a bloody weird thing for her to do OP right in front of you and your family

That is very much not a normal thing to do

TitaniasAss · 27/12/2023 10:21

Well it's kind of obvious which MNetters happily copy their friends' purchases, which is kind bizarre behaviour for adults. 😁

OP, it's not a huge deal I suppose, but it just wasn't very nice of her. If a friend of mine has something new and lovely, I'll compliment them on it but I wouldn't dream of reaching for my phone to buy the identical item, because I'm not 13.

Mirabai · 27/12/2023 10:21

Sorry, I don't want to say. She uses MN occasionally and as pps have said, it's not worth falling out about. I do think she'd make a big thing about me having shared this on here even though it's completely anonymous

She’ll know immediately if she reads the thread so you’d better delete it.

Original poster
notdoing · 27/12/2023 10:22

"I have the same dress as a friend so we'll check in if we're going somewhere we might wear it."

I'm assuming that your friend wasn't showing you the dress and saying how pleased and excited she'd been to open this gift when you whipped out your phone and ordered it?

OP posts:
Purplewarrior · 27/12/2023 10:22

I’m assuming this is a handbag.

I agree that you are looking far too deeply at it. It really wouldn’t matter if you did wear them at the same time, 99% of people won’t notice.

Don’t let this take the shine off it for you, it’s a complete non event.

NoSquirrels · 27/12/2023 10:22

notdoing · 27/12/2023 10:15

"What is the gift?"

Sorry, I don't want to say. She uses MN occasionally and as pps have said, it's not worth falling out about. I do think she'd make a big thing about me having shared this on here even though it's completely anonymous.

I suppose I need to consider why that is, just like I'm wondering why she ordered herself the same thing there and then, despite others in the room being a bit taken aback and saying as much at the time.

The fact is, it's not something either of us would just buy every day, it was special enough that I went and got it to show them and they wanted to see. She also apparently agreed it would be odd if we wore it at the same time.

If she sees this thread she'll know it’s about her anyway, despite not saying what the gift is. But that’s up to you, we don’t necessarily need to know. Regardless of what it is, yes it’s a bit odd.

Grammarnut · 27/12/2023 10:23

She was rude. Wait till she gets home and do it. Honestly, no manners!