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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Took the shine off my Christmas present

364 replies

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:24

We had and family round for Christmas and Boxing Day and after hosting, finally got round to showing off my gift from DP.

Obviously I was really pleased as it was something I've wanted for a while, not cheap so I hadn't just bought it myself already, and I made that clear. As I'm showing them what I got, my very close friend gets out her phone, searches for the gift and buys herself the exact same thing. It's something you'd wear so I did comment but she made out like it was fine, we won't wear them at the same time etc and I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I just feel like it's not the done thing though and it really took the shine off it for me. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not but just honestly felt a bit gutted 😞

OP posts:
Watchkeys · 27/12/2023 09:57

What's she like as a friend generally? Is she Ms Considerate-Respectful, or has she given you this feeling at all?

Keep in mind that the gift is between you and the giver, and nothing can change that. Feeling like 'Oh, this gift is tainted now!' spoils that bond a bit, so do be aware of the boundaries to your friend's power to spoil things.

EdinaMonsoon · 27/12/2023 09:57

I think it’s strange for her to do this right after she saw your gift. Fair enough that she likes it and may subsequently have bought it later but somehow it does take the shine off of your experience in the moment for her to buy it right in front of you! It seems somewhat childish of her IMO. Like competitive teens who want the same as their friends.

Thingamebobwotsit · 27/12/2023 09:58

Yes it is a bit rude to do that in front of you on Boxing Day when you are hosting. And a bit odd.

However you can't stop her from doing it at another time and could still end up wearing the same thing. So probably not worth worrying about.

Like a PP I had a friend that used to do similar and I am no longer friends with them. Not because of the weird purchasing thing, but more about the lack of consideration for other people's feelings of which this was one sign.

CorylusAgain · 27/12/2023 09:59

It's an extremely odd thing for her to have done but I can't understand why it's affected you you deeply.
Might help if you actually say what it is. I assume some type of accessory? Matching coats or dresses would be weird but shoes or handbags not so much.
I can understand it being irritating perhaps but she's the unimaginative one by copying you. I would be baffled by her wanting g to be so unoriginal rather than gutted.

CharmedCult · 27/12/2023 09:59

I think it’s a really odd thing to do, right there and then in front of you.

Stupidliefromfriend · 27/12/2023 09:59

That is a really weird thing for your friend to do. Did your mum (or whoever else was there) comment?

TheSunIsOutAndTheSkyIsBlue · 27/12/2023 10:00

ErrolTheRednosedDragon · 27/12/2023 09:50

I know they say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but I agree with the OP that this was tactless of her friend, and 'not the done thing'.

This is so true. Imitation is just lazy people's way of not thinking for themselves. And then having a catchy little phrase to make it seem acceptable 🙄

YANBU.

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 10:01

ChocolateTVandbaby · 27/12/2023 09:54

OP I would feel the same as you and I find it off that people thing you're being petty. She was the one to copy you so hopefully she won't wear them when you're together, which she suggested anyway.

You find it off that people have a different opinion to you?

HelloOhHell · 27/12/2023 10:01

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:52

Maybe it's not that deep then but now do I need to check if she's wearing hers before we go anywhere? Or do you often see people wearing identical coats/shoes/bags?

You’ve still not told anyone what this “not cheap”, mystery item is but have managed to share the fact you have more of a disposable income than said friend. It’s not that deep

justhadenoughofitall · 27/12/2023 10:02

What a weird thing to do. Your friend clearly wanted to take attention away from you. She could've done it privately if she wanted or another time but she wanted you to KNOW she did it.

That is weird and narcissistic behaviour

Original poster
notdoing · 27/12/2023 10:03

"Did your mum (or whoever else was there) comment?"

Yes, she said "you're not actually ordering the same are you?" To which my friend replied, yes, it's fine, we just won't wear at the same time.

OP posts:
Intriguedbythis · 27/12/2023 10:03

I honestly wouldn’t care less if a friend did this. Would actually take it as a compliment! But then again, things like someone wearing the same thing just wouldn’t bother me at all and cannot imagine why anyone would feel jealous about it.

ClottedCreamScone · 27/12/2023 10:05

i agree that was weird and rude of her. Fine for her to buy the same thing but she didn’t need to do so right in your face like that. It‘s just an odd thing to do.

AgathaX · 27/12/2023 10:07

I think it's be a bit annoyed at this. Tell her you get first choice on wearing it if you're both out together.
Really not worth getting too upset over though.

lapsedbookworm · 27/12/2023 10:07

I agree with you op, it's really bad form. Particularly ordering it in front of you but in any event I find it weird when people deliberately buy the same clothing etc as a friend.

ActDottie · 27/12/2023 10:07

cynan · 27/12/2023 09:39

What adult "shows off" their Christmas gift? I find that unreasonable. Are you put out that your friend could afford the item without it having to be a Christmas treat?

This i fee like I missed out on an important part of Christmas Day because I didn’t show off my gifts????

Goddessonahighway · 27/12/2023 10:08

Don't let it put you off wearing it. I often end up wearing similar outfits to my friend or sister. Same taste. We notice and laugh about it, but I'm sure no one else pays much attention. If you think there's something malicious behind it, you'd be playing into her hands not wearing it.

Original poster
notdoing · 27/12/2023 10:08

"You’ve still not told anyone what this “not cheap”, mystery item is but have managed to share the fact you have more of a disposable income than said friend. It’s not that deep"

No, not the case at all. I was giving context in that, it's not a cheap pair of gloves or whatever that you'd just pick up without a second thought.

And then I had to clarify that this wasn't a difference in financial circumstances issue because I hadn't made it clear enough and pps were understandably focusing on that.

It's a nice enough thing for everyone I was showing to be saying "oh it's lovely" and passing around to look at. Hence, it felt a bit special, until suddenly it wasn't.

OP posts:
AgathaX · 27/12/2023 10:08

I think you should tell us what the item is.

ClottedCreamScone · 27/12/2023 10:08

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 10:01

You find it off that people have a different opinion to you?

Show quote history

No. Behave. That’s not what she said. She said, quite specifically, that she thinks it’s off that in relation to this issue, people are calling OP petty. That doesn’t mean she thinks, in general, that it’s off for people to have different opinions to her.

Cant bear this falsely naive, deliberate misrepresentation that mumsnet is bloody plagued with.

Createausername1970 · 27/12/2023 10:10

There is nothing wrong with showing a gift to other people? Fairly normal I would have thought.

And I would have been miffed if someone immediately bought one the same. Would take away some of the pleasure. I understand.

It's not worth falling out about, its a compliment really, just a little bit mis-timed. But I might not show her my new shiny things straight away next time.

TheRealLilyMunster · 27/12/2023 10:11

notdoing · 27/12/2023 10:08

"You’ve still not told anyone what this “not cheap”, mystery item is but have managed to share the fact you have more of a disposable income than said friend. It’s not that deep"

No, not the case at all. I was giving context in that, it's not a cheap pair of gloves or whatever that you'd just pick up without a second thought.

And then I had to clarify that this wasn't a difference in financial circumstances issue because I hadn't made it clear enough and pps were understandably focusing on that.

It's a nice enough thing for everyone I was showing to be saying "oh it's lovely" and passing around to look at. Hence, it felt a bit special, until suddenly it wasn't.

@notdoing but you've still dodged the question. What is the gift?

taylorswift1989 · 27/12/2023 10:11

Your 'friend' sounds like a bitch. She didn't like the attention being on you, you being happy, you having a lovely gift. So she ruined the moment and made sure it became all about her.

CalistoNoSolo · 27/12/2023 10:12

Of course its a weird thing to do. I can't believe everyone is minimising it. I might not be pissed off, but I'd definitely think my friend was a bit dim and unimaginative if she bought the exact thing that had been gifted to me. Does your friend envy you in other ways?

CalistoNoSolo · 27/12/2023 10:13

TheRealLilyMunster · 27/12/2023 10:11

@notdoing but you've still dodged the question. What is the gift?

Show quote history

It doesn't matter. 🙄