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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Took the shine off my Christmas present

364 replies

notdoing · 27/12/2023 09:24

We had and family round for Christmas and Boxing Day and after hosting, finally got round to showing off my gift from DP.

Obviously I was really pleased as it was something I've wanted for a while, not cheap so I hadn't just bought it myself already, and I made that clear. As I'm showing them what I got, my very close friend gets out her phone, searches for the gift and buys herself the exact same thing. It's something you'd wear so I did comment but she made out like it was fine, we won't wear them at the same time etc and I didn't want to ruin the mood.

I just feel like it's not the done thing though and it really took the shine off it for me. I don't know if I'm being unreasonable or not but just honestly felt a bit gutted 😞

OP posts:
ButterflyOil · 27/12/2023 10:23

Gardeningtime · 27/12/2023 10:19

Why is she jealous? She liked it and could buy it without a second thought? Jealous is wanting something you can’t have.

Show quote history

Maybe it was less about the cost and more about it being a gift from OPs partner?

CorylusAgain · 27/12/2023 10:24

I might re-evaluate how I felt about my friend rather than re-evaluate how I felt about the gift.

followmyflow · 27/12/2023 10:25

i think it’s a very weird and inappropriate thing to do to be honest especially right there in front of you. however i would try not to get to cut up about it. it’s 2023, gifts aren’t unique bespoke things anymore 99% of the time, they’re mass produced and realistically thousands out there will have the same. strange and cringe thing for her to do but shouldn’t ruin the gift

Rainbow1901 · 27/12/2023 10:26

You could probably tell your friend that while it is flattering to copy you - she really should have faith in her own dress sense and develop her own style.
But that said the shops do make thousands of items in a multitude of sizes so she could have bought the item without being aware that you have one too.
But equally to order the said item in front of you is a bit odd to say the least but the difference is - that you know that the gift was bought for you with love and consideration by your DP and you can wear it knowing that too.

WandaWonder · 27/12/2023 10:27

I really wouldn't care I have what I like and I like it because I like it I don't care who has what I may have thought that as a child possibly but not since then

TenThousandSpoons · 27/12/2023 10:27

It definitely takes the shine off and is a weird thing to do, ordering one right in front of you as you show her your gift.

It sounds like something a spoilt tweenage girl would do when they couldn’t bear that their friend had something better than them. (“Daddy, I want one of those!” Except she has ordered it herself.)

Jagoda · 27/12/2023 10:27

I thought it might be a watch?

I wouldn’t do this, but I wouldn’t be upset if a close friend did it 🤷‍♀️

It would be silly to let it spoil your enjoyment of the present.

Original poster
notdoing · 27/12/2023 10:27

"You could probably tell your friend that while it is flattering to copy you - she really should have faith in her own dress sense and develop her own style."

She's got lovely things, always looks lovely. It's definitely not about copying my style!

OP posts:
nutster · 27/12/2023 10:28

ooh i bet you were so off with her for the rest of the day!! (yes yes you will deny this and she has no idea you were pissed off 🤔 )

SoUtterlyDoneIn · 27/12/2023 10:28

So, as you all chilled out a bit after the Christmas buzzing around and complimented each other on your nice presents...

...when it is your turn she allows it to be known that she has quickly knocked out an order for another one exactly like yours?

I can 100% see why that would be annoying and a massive faux pas. I can also see why someone might not realise how it came across.

If she absolutely hates your guts it could be deliberate. Most likely though it was thoughtless, even done thinking yours was just so lovely, and no bad vibes were intended at all. Especially since, if it is expensive and unique, she probably just spent some/all of some Christmas gift money on it.

I would definitely assume the latter until there's some evidence she truly meant it maliciously - we've all done things without fully realizing how it plays out in other people's thinking, every single one of us.

Probably thoughtlessness, maybe even seemed complimentary to mention it, initially.

burnoutbabe · 27/12/2023 10:31

If it was something like a statement bracelet and you are both wearing them at times. Mutual things would probably assume you bought them together as some sort of teenage best friend thing.

Rather than it being a nice gift from your husband

I'd find it weird.

Less so if it's same black handbag.

PonyPatter44 · 27/12/2023 10:31

Buying the same shoes as your friend is neither here nor there (it's basically how marketing works!). Its very gauche to whip out your phone and instantly buy the same luxury item there and then, so I'm not surprised you are feeling a bit taken aback.

Maybe just congratulate yourself on your enviable good taste, and let it go!

Cadenza12 · 27/12/2023 10:31

Imitation is the sincerest from of flattery. Truly odd behaviour, granted, but don't let this insecure friend spoil your gift. She has a problem, not you.

Ulysees · 27/12/2023 10:31

notdoing · 27/12/2023 10:27

"You could probably tell your friend that while it is flattering to copy you - she really should have faith in her own dress sense and develop her own style."

She's got lovely things, always looks lovely. It's definitely not about copying my style!

I think you missed the point there op?

Does this friend have a partner/DH?

Lindjam · 27/12/2023 10:32

Handbag probably. In which case it’s extremely unlikely there won’t be other people with the same bag when you are out and about with it. Plus, nobody will even notice.

Whilst I agree it was a little odd for friend to order it immediately, I would write that off as enthusiasm and I definitely wouldn’t be cross with her.

Life is too short to get uptight about 💩 like this OP. Let it go and enjoy your gift.

Calabou · 27/12/2023 10:32

TitaniasAss · 27/12/2023 10:21

Well it's kind of obvious which MNetters happily copy their friends' purchases, which is kind bizarre behaviour for adults. 😁

OP, it's not a huge deal I suppose, but it just wasn't very nice of her. If a friend of mine has something new and lovely, I'll compliment them on it but I wouldn't dream of reaching for my phone to buy the identical item, because I'm not 13.

Is it? A coworker asked where I got my trousers (we're both tall and like certain styles) and I sent her the link to the exact item. I didn't sit with a face on when she wore them to work, I thought it was nice someone else thought my clothes looked good and that she now has somewhere else to find clothes that won't be far too short on her.
It's odd to assume that anyone who asks where a friend got something and buys it is "13". The OP, if she isn't a remote worker, may well come across various colleagues and clients/customers wearing the exact same item.

BetterWithPockets · 27/12/2023 10:33

Haven’t read all the posts here, OP, but some, and all your updates — and I’d be miffed too. As another poster has said, not worth falling out over but it’s a bit weird of your friend.
Also, to the posters complaining the OP hasn’t revealed what the item is — she doesn’t have to! I hate this MN thing where people demand information…

ZeldaFighter · 27/12/2023 10:34

I think that's really rude and inappropriate, possibly with some very unpleasant psychological motivations underneath. If someone was showing me their new puppy / Lego/ bracelet, I would not get my phone out and get myself one in front of them!!! How rude and disrespectful! YANBU

How you go forwards is up to you. Only 1 friend got me thoughtful gifts this year but I will not fall out, just not put so much time and effort in next year for them. How you proceed depends on your current relationship.

betterangels · 27/12/2023 10:35

cynan · 27/12/2023 09:39

What adult "shows off" their Christmas gift? I find that unreasonable. Are you put out that your friend could afford the item without it having to be a Christmas treat?

I mean, this is what it sounds like to me too. Just enjoy your gift.

Original poster
notdoing · 27/12/2023 10:35

"Does this friend have a partner/DH?"

Yes she does and he treats her well.

For all those saying there will be lots of people also with the same item, yes there will, but none of my friends or family already had it and I've only seen one other person wearing it whilst out and about!

OP posts:
TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 27/12/2023 10:36

It seems to me, its less about having the same thing and more about the fact she bought it while you were showing yours off. It is a bit thoughtless by your friend, and clearly your DM thought the same. I think if you can try to let it go, she probably doesn't realise that she's upset you as she seemed more focused on you both not wearing it at the same time, rather than taking the shine off your Christmas present. You speak about your friend as if she is a lovely person so I'm sure you agree that it wasn't an intentional shitty thing, just didn't think.

Whothatbe · 27/12/2023 10:36

On the one hand it's very annoying and petty. Don't copy me, some things are nicer because you just have it. You sourced it and loved it. Then someone else shows up in it , it's annoying.
On the other hand , in a months time you won't care.
But yes- very annoying.

FestiveHackathon · 27/12/2023 10:36

Was it something distinctive like this cape?

https://www.wolfandbadger.com/uk/the-silver-feather-cape/

KezzaMucklowe · 27/12/2023 10:37

It really wouldn't bother me but obviously from this thread I can see that it would bother quite a few people do I don't think yabu.
Unless it's a bag in which case no one would even notice that anyway.
Op, I know you don't want to say what the item is incase your friend is on here but I'm sure she will be able to figure out it is her from this regardless.

guineverehadgreeneyes · 27/12/2023 10:38

I'd have found it a bit off that she ordered it there and then in front of you and everyone else.

Whatever the item is, she could have waited until she got home. Or she could have waited a few days and then said, she really liked your gift and would you mind if she ordered one, too, knowing that you'd probably say no, you would not mind.

But to whip out her phone after your mum had asked to have a look at your gift and order one for herself, there and then, is thoughtless and rude.

I would try not to let it spoil my enjoyment of a nice gift but it would certainly colour my view of her, in the future.