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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore my managers rude text?

395 replies

Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 07:26

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

OP posts:
Greydogs123 · 27/12/2023 07:30

Isn’t it a managers role to cover in a worst case scenario? You shouldn’t have gone into work ill in the first place because your manager now thinks you’re one of those people who can just work no matter what. You surely can’t be sacked for being off ill, so just ignore it.

DustyLee123 · 27/12/2023 07:30

Stop mentioning your daughter, YOU are off sick, you can’t work.

YoureALizardHarry11 · 27/12/2023 07:32

Can you speak to anyone higher up/ HR? To be honest, I’d be looking for another job ASAP. She sounds horrendous to work for with zero compassion. I’d be tempted to tell her to stick her job up her arse 🤣 but I know you probably aren’t in a position to do that!

Askforwisdom · 27/12/2023 07:32

If you're sick, you're sick. Surely getting cover is part of a manager's job! Would you consider leaving the job and getting something else. You arent a robot: you're a human being! Who is above your manager? What are you supposed to do! Can you get a sick note from your doctor? I'm so sorry you've been treated like this.

WashItTomorrow · 27/12/2023 07:33

Your daughter being sick is irrelevant. If you are sick, that’s a different matter, and the manager should source cover staff.

ilovesooty · 27/12/2023 07:33

You had no need to mention your daughter. You are too ill to come into work.

FuckOffTom · 27/12/2023 07:33

She sounds like a prize cunt

CeeceeBloomingdale · 27/12/2023 07:34

I think you made a mistake texting her the day before. You should have called or messaged on the day to say you're sick. Messaging the day before and talking about your DD muddies the waters.

ilovesooty · 27/12/2023 07:34

Askforwisdom · 27/12/2023 07:32

If you're sick, you're sick. Surely getting cover is part of a manager's job! Would you consider leaving the job and getting something else. You arent a robot: you're a human being! Who is above your manager? What are you supposed to do! Can you get a sick note from your doctor? I'm so sorry you've been treated like this.

She won't get a sick note :she hasn't been ill long enough. She needs to self certify.

Daylightsavingstime · 27/12/2023 07:35

Just text her back and say I am not well, my child is not well, I won't be in. This may leave you short staffed, but it is not my job to cover it. Will happily discuss with you when I'm back, I am now going back to bed.

Then ignore any further texts. There's nothing she can do!

KaySararSarar · 27/12/2023 07:35

I cannot imagine being spoken to like that by my manager - she’s the issue OP, not you - please remember that, it should ease your panic.

What’s the normal protocol for calling in sick? Do you usually have to arrange cover yourself?

Id have to match her energy and just screen shot the two messages I’d sent to try and arrange and just say, I tried. Happy to discuss with you when I’ve recovered enough to come back into work.

Birch101 · 27/12/2023 07:35

are you in the UK? Respond I'm ill and am self certifying for 7 days if I need to extend this further I will provide a GP note. You need to see your sickness absence policy as well to see what will trigger a disciplinary and how you are meant to notify illness

Newsenmum · 27/12/2023 07:36

I agree you need to explain that you are the one who is really sick. Manager can deal with the rest. Explain your symptoms if you need to.

Lunab18 · 27/12/2023 07:36

You need to go higher than this manager, to an area manager or HR. You do not have to put up with being treated like this.
I would reply to her that you are unwell and likely will not be in work tomorrow and will not return until you are recovered. Tell her you can self certify for up to 7 days. I’d also ask if you need to report your absence by phone rather than text to ensure you have followed your absence procedures.
please don’t put up with this bully. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

fruitypancake · 27/12/2023 07:36

What a cow she is , poor you OP, some ppl are such arseholes: definitely time for a new job

Londonrach1 · 27/12/2023 07:37

Stop mentioning your daughter. It is you who is sick. You making the water muddy. Call in sick for you only. If also be looking for another job. Hope you feeling better soon x

Cadenza12 · 27/12/2023 07:37

Have another couple of days off to recover. Reply saying that you are ill and have been since before Christmas. The way you are feeling you won't be back before Saturday at the earliest. Sign off and relax. It's her problem, it's what she's paid for. Hope you are feeling better soon.

Peachtails · 27/12/2023 07:37

You're too ill to work, make it clear to her you will not be going in and it is not your responsibility to find cover. Do you have contact details for HR or the area manager?

violetcuriosity · 27/12/2023 07:38

That gave me anxiety reading that, completely get why you're upset. Look for another job, life's too short.

Fraaahnces · 27/12/2023 07:38

“I informed you last night that I was too ill to come into work. I attempted to get my own cover on the app, but nobody responded. I gave reasonable notice and you contacted me on my sick day in an attempt to intimidate me into going in and risking my health further and that of the health of every staff member and member of the public I were to come into contact with.”

KingsleyBorder · 27/12/2023 07:38

Are you a single parent? She’s probably wondering why your child’s other parent can’t step up.

You should not have mentioned your daughter.
Was it not obvious to her that you were ill when working before Xmas?

Nicole1111 · 27/12/2023 07:40

Reply and say “As I said I won’t be in today because of sickness, with the added complication of my daughter being unwell. Please send me the number for HR. I need to check my contract as I hadn’t realised it was my responsibility to arrange sick cover for me.”

BingoMarieHeeler · 27/12/2023 07:40

I would just ignore her for several hours - you’re ill, therefore reasonable that you would be asleep and not on your phone.

She is crazy, and sounds like she’s on a power trip. No idea if it’s the done thing or not, would probably not end well if she finds out, but I’d want to complain about her to her manager 😄 she sounds very unprofessional and is failing at her role (is being a shit manager!).

LIZS · 27/12/2023 07:40

Presumably if you were scheduled to work you had childcare arranged. That may not now be possible but your dd is not the issue here.

Nitgel · 27/12/2023 07:41

I wouldn't have contacted my manager on boxing day tbh it's a pretty crappy thing to do on her own day off, that's probably why she's crabby.