Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore my managers rude text?

395 replies

Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 07:26

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

OP posts:
Strawberryjams · 27/12/2023 09:16

MikeRafone · 27/12/2023 08:23

Go to the meeting with a pad and pen

note everything the manager says

don’t engage apart from to ask questions, what is the meeting? Are you allowed to bring someone with you?

tell her only that you will make notes and will be seeking advise. If she asks you anything - I was I’ll and unable to attend work end it there but make any notes on her replies

then reiterate you’ll be seeking advice

dont get drawn into making excuses you couldn’t find anyone to cover your shift or your dd was unwell etc

i was I’ll and unable to attend work, gave you notice of this

jyst repeat those few things

i was I’ll and unable to attend

let her talk as much as she want, jot it all down

This is spot on advice follow it @Anon1359

Floooooof · 27/12/2023 09:17

SaffronSpice · 27/12/2023 09:14

Yes, you weren’t sick so should not have called in sick. You should have used (unpaid) dependents leave and then if necessary annual leave or parental leave.

https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

Show quote history

Saying I called in sick was the wrong wording. I told them my son had had an accident and I needed to take him to hospital. Point is OPs daughter is also unwell and I do think it's relevant. OP was giving her manager the whole picture and I don't see what's wrong with that. She shouldn't have to play games to get her manager to believe her (assuming she hasn't given the manager any reason not to in the past)

FleetwoodMacAttack · 27/12/2023 09:17

Why mention your daughter being off sick? You are ill.

and the dad should be stepping up. Have you been to court or similar to agree custody etc?

perfectstorm · 27/12/2023 09:19

PlipPlopChoo · 27/12/2023 08:53

Why did you contact your manager?

If that is the policy then fine. But I would have thought it makes more sense to phone up the place of work on the day you are due in to report your sickness. If your manager is on leave then it makes no sense to contact them.

This is retail. If you only call in on the morning of the day you are due in, how can they arrange cover in advance? It's the worst possible approach to take as it guarantees they will be short staffed. In some workplaces, that would mean they literally could not open at all.

And my husband was a manager in retail 20 years ago. He was on call at all times - on one occasion he had a 3 am call because a car had mounted the pavement and crashed through the front of one of the shops! It's not unusual for the manager to be accessible. That's why certain companies pay the managers quite well - the 24/7 responsibility.

OP, after 12 years you have full employment rights. The manager has no right to bully you for being unwell, and she and not you is the one paid to sort the rota. You have given her notice of your absence and she had no right to demand a staff member sort cover. Ask, fine. Hold you responsible, not fine. That is literally part of her job description, not yours, no?

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 27/12/2023 09:20

Nicole1111 · 27/12/2023 07:40

Reply and say “As I said I won’t be in today because of sickness, with the added complication of my daughter being unwell. Please send me the number for HR. I need to check my contract as I hadn’t realised it was my responsibility to arrange sick cover for me.”

This exactly.

perfectstorm · 27/12/2023 09:21

FleetwoodMacAttack · 27/12/2023 09:17

Why mention your daughter being off sick? You are ill.

and the dad should be stepping up. Have you been to court or similar to agree custody etc?

Court orders can't make parents take children at all - let alone to provide cover when the other parent is unwell.

The courts are only useful where one parent restricts contact and the other parent is unhappy with this. They won't force a useless parent to step up.

Morechocmorechoc · 27/12/2023 09:22

You need to find another job. Also going in sick and spreading it before Christmas however horrid you're boss is, is not justifiable. Look at your dad, some of us have kids like that, it is unkind at all times, but esp before Christmas.

She is totally unreasonable, I would get a doctors note as she will be hard work by the sound of it.l, when doctor asks say how long you've been ill for and they made you go in, now you need a note.

xyz111 · 27/12/2023 09:23

I'd certainly be looking for a new job asap!!! No one needs to feel scared about going into work. I've been there, and leaving was the best thing I ever did.

SausageTeeth · 27/12/2023 09:29

I’m surprised at how many people think a sick child is reason to take a day off. Unfortunately it’s not, if you know in advance - otherwise it’s emergency care of dependants. (Bastard rules, but them’s it.)
Personally, I think both the OP and the manager are unreasonable and unprofessional here.
But ALWAYS, ALWAYS follow the company’s sickness reporting policy. I doubt that it includes WhatsApp, but even if it does, message on the day, at the appointed time. (I’ve worked in companies where failure to follow policy has resulted in loss of payment of all but statutory sick pay for that day.)
If you are ill yourself, don’t ever mention your kids. Treat all sickness reporting as professional communication.
This holds true for even the loveliest of managers. If you know your manager is a dick, then follow policy to the letter. You won’t get far complaining about a manager’s message if you yourself didn’t follow the reporting policy (and on a bank holiday when the business is closed.)
In this case, the OP shouldn’t have WhatsApped the day before, or mentioned her child. The manager shouldn’t have replied how she did (if at all) - nasty and unnecessary.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 27/12/2023 09:29

I'd make a short, factual and assertive response.

"I'm off because I'm unwell. I made it clear on Boxing day i would not be able to work my shift and I did as you requested by trying to find cover. I apologise for the inconvenience but I cannot do anymore and as you've said, we will discuss this when I return."

Before your return to work, I'd recommend reading the staff handbook on policies around sick absences and in that return to work I'd expect to be able to make clear that you followed the policy as per the handbook and not get drawn into an discussion.

I'd suggest keeping a log on her behaviour for the next 3 months and if she carries on being arsey I'd plan a meeting with her to discuss the examples which show a pattern of behaviour, leading up to grievance if she makes life difficult. People like her usually change their tune when its flagged to their own management.

Mumtime2 · 27/12/2023 09:31

Your boss was informed and to bad if it was in her day off...a manager is responsible to cover you.
Mentioning your child's sick is a " no, no" comments are pathetic...your a parent you have to take time to care for a sick child. We have 5 days parental leave so does the UK not?
However you word it or time delivering your message is all part of managing her team so note this.
Take a buddy along to this meeting and take no crap.
It's a job not a lifestyle tell the cow! Jk

Original poster
Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 09:32

The usual policy is to ring an hour before our shift. I would have been due in at 10 today so would need to ring at 9. I just thought to ring at 9 after Christmas would be too short notice to get anyone to come in.

i probably shouldnt have messaged her and rang the store directly but no one ever ever answers the phone and she was meant to be in work anyway so didn’t realise I would be disturbing her.

Saying that I have just rang the store phone anyway to cover my back and just to say I’m really unwell to her but no one answered.

i will message her to say ‘Hi name sorry to message you again I did try to ring the shop to speak to you but no one answered. I definitely wont be in today I am really unwell and i need to rest. Thank you’

does that sound ok?

OP posts:
irishmurdoch · 27/12/2023 09:33

LIZS · 27/12/2023 07:40

Presumably if you were scheduled to work you had childcare arranged. That may not now be possible but your dd is not the issue here.

Depending on the kind of childcare, it may not take sick children.

MidgeFragnets · 27/12/2023 09:37

rwalker · 27/12/2023 07:59

I think any sickness after a bank holiday and especially Christmas looks suspicious

It might do to some people, but what would you expect them to do if they are genuinely ill?

There are two reasons she can't work:

Her daughter is ill and she cannot find childcare and can't leave her home alone whilst she works

She is too ill to work.

Both are reasons to not work. The day they fall on is irrelevant. It's putting two and two together and coming up with 26. It is just suspicion with no proof.

I think she should just take screenshots and go to HR. Ot might piss her manager off, but she can just keep gathering the evidence can't she? Her manager doesn't have the skills to be a manager.

The only thing I would say is probably not the best idea to text and on boxing day. Just call in on the day. There are times I've tried to do similar things to make being off less worse (like when kids are sick and i cant send them to nursery and tried to cover work tasks at the same time) and now I just follow the policy because it is never well received.

Catsknowbest · 27/12/2023 09:37

topnoddy · 27/12/2023 08:36

Why does nearly everyone on here think that everywhere has HR ?

Show quote history

I believe she said it was a large company? So it should have

TrashedSofa · 27/12/2023 09:39

People being ill over Christmas is phenomenally common, in any case. It's D and V season.

Balloonhearts · 27/12/2023 09:39

I would literally reply Finding cover is a managers job. You are a manager. Manage.

TheRealLilyMunster · 27/12/2023 09:39

glasslightly · 27/12/2023 07:46

Honestly, whilst I wouldn’t have responded in the way you did. I’d be pretty annoyed by your text. First reading it, it strongly suggests you’re off becauce of your daughter - which you don’t have a right to do. Second you’ve emailed me on my day off making this something I have to deal with rather than waiting till the morning.

If the OP is in the UK she does have the right to time off to deal with an emergency involving a dependant - this includes looking after your sick child if other care cannot be arranged.

SaffronSpice · 27/12/2023 09:41

Her daughter is ill and she cannot find childcare and can't leave her home alone whilst she works

She is too ill to work.

Both are reasons to not work. The day they fall on is irrelevant.

Her daughter being ill would be dependent’s leave in order to try and find another carer. If there are no others the annual leave or parental leave. Only annual leave would be paid (unless she has a generous employer)

OP being too ill to work is all that matters here.

MaryHinges · 27/12/2023 09:41

Long term you need to go to HR and tell them what you've said here about her attitude since she started and the impact it is having on staff morale. Honestly, stop mentioning your daughter. It doesn't matter that you're a single parent or your dad can't help. What matters is this gets logged on your record as sickness, not as you taking the day off because nobody could look after your daughter. If this goes further with HR they will need to know that you personally were on sick leave and couldn't work. Please listen and stop mentioning your daughter and focus on you being off sick.

MidgeFragnets · 27/12/2023 09:42

irishmurdoch · 27/12/2023 09:33

Depending on the kind of childcare, it may not take sick children.

Show quote history

I find it baffling that people think there is a magic cupboard that sick children can go in so you can keep working when the school or nursery send them home sick 😂I've sent my kids in with all sorts of colds, but there are times when they really can't go in. COVID was an utter nightmare as you suddenly couldn't even send them in with a cold.

MidgeFragnets · 27/12/2023 09:44

SaffronSpice · 27/12/2023 09:41

Her daughter is ill and she cannot find childcare and can't leave her home alone whilst she works

She is too ill to work.

Both are reasons to not work. The day they fall on is irrelevant.

Her daughter being ill would be dependent’s leave in order to try and find another carer. If there are no others the annual leave or parental leave. Only annual leave would be paid (unless she has a generous employer)

OP being too ill to work is all that matters here.

I know that. The same applies to me - I take leave for kids illnesses. It's still a reason not to work, it's a different type of leave, but sounds like manager is unhappy about any leave.

The OP said she was ill too.

cosmicfig · 27/12/2023 09:45

Her treatment of you is totally unacceptable! You need to speak to her higher ups, go completely over her head and ignore her for now. She is being abusive.

MaryHinges · 27/12/2023 09:46

MidgeFragnets · 27/12/2023 09:37

It might do to some people, but what would you expect them to do if they are genuinely ill?

There are two reasons she can't work:

Her daughter is ill and she cannot find childcare and can't leave her home alone whilst she works

She is too ill to work.

Both are reasons to not work. The day they fall on is irrelevant. It's putting two and two together and coming up with 26. It is just suspicion with no proof.

I think she should just take screenshots and go to HR. Ot might piss her manager off, but she can just keep gathering the evidence can't she? Her manager doesn't have the skills to be a manager.

The only thing I would say is probably not the best idea to text and on boxing day. Just call in on the day. There are times I've tried to do similar things to make being off less worse (like when kids are sick and i cant send them to nursery and tried to cover work tasks at the same time) and now I just follow the policy because it is never well received.

Show quote history

Yes, but only one of those reasons will be logged as sick leave. The other (particularly with a manager like this who is likely to cause trouble) could be put down as unauthorized leave. That's why OP needs to keep the focus on herself being too ill to work.

Thereislightattheendofthetunnel · 27/12/2023 09:48

I would go to my gp to ask for sick leave