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Original poster

To ignore my managers rude text?

395 replies

Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 07:26

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

OP posts:
Hayliebells · 27/12/2023 08:06

Stop with the personal WhatsApp’s, it wasn’t wise to send her a message on Boxing Day. You must have a procedure for notifying managers of illness, which I’m guessing doesn’t include messaging them via WhatsApp when they’re on holiday, so make sure you follow the actual procedure in all communications to her. Even if you think it makes life more difficult to just call/message in the morning etc, that’s not your problem, you just need to make sure they can’t pick fault with your behaviour at all. Stop mentioning your daughter, you can’t work because it’s you that’s ill, not her. I’d screenshot all her messages, then send them to HR. I’d let them know that either they deal with her unacceptable behaviour, or you’ll be handing your notice in, with a view to persuing them for a constructive dismissal claim.

dishyrishi · 27/12/2023 08:06

Couple of things here, from a manager who arranges cover, but who is also a mum:

1 - as soon as you mention a sick child people assume that's the reason, unless it is the reason, don't mention it

2 - calling in sick the day before always causes this reaction, she will think "how can you know 24 hours ahead" that you'll still be sick tomorrow

3 - always leave the call until last min, most contracts say at least an hour before start time, go with that, it's her job to find you cover, not yours

TempyBrennan · 27/12/2023 08:06

You can self certify for a week OP, enjoy your week off.

when you’re feeling better, raise a grievance with HR, send them screen shots and then look for another role.

PixiKitKat · 27/12/2023 08:07

I'm glad I don't work retail anymore, too many managers act like this and it made the job awful. Getting sick time off was always a nightmare!
I'd look for another job if I were you, that manager is always going to be awful like that.

festivepains · 27/12/2023 08:07

By mentioning your daughter you've made it sound like you're sick but would be able to manage if it weren't for your daughter also being sick. It's muddied the waters

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 27/12/2023 08:08

Your daughter being ill is neither here nor there and it was a big mistake to mention it.

You reply you couldn't find cover and are too ill yourself to work.

Catsknowbest · 27/12/2023 08:10

So sorry you're being treated like this but as others have said focus on the fact that you aren't well, no need to reiterate re your daughter as much as that is adding to your stress. Screenshot everything and take this higher up as soon as you feel well enough to contact HR.

YireosDodeAver · 27/12/2023 08:10

Don't ignore the text. Your behaviour so far looks too similar to a hingover staff member lying in order to get an extra day of holiday. You need to provide more complete information so that it's clear this isn't the case, or you'll be triggering disciplinary procedures.

DrunkenElephant · 27/12/2023 08:11

“As stated in my message, I am too sick to work. On top of that, my daughter has a sickness bug which I would like to avoid passing on to other staff members and customers. I have notified you as early as possible and attempted to arrange cover and been unsuccessful, I am happy to have a meeting with you but will be recording this/bringing a colleague as I would then like to discuss the cover policy/text message exchange further with HR/regional manager”

Your boss is a dick.

Debtfreegoals · 27/12/2023 08:14

I’d be so angry if I were you. I’d probably report it higher up.

festivepains · 27/12/2023 08:14

DrunkenElephant · 27/12/2023 08:11

“As stated in my message, I am too sick to work. On top of that, my daughter has a sickness bug which I would like to avoid passing on to other staff members and customers. I have notified you as early as possible and attempted to arrange cover and been unsuccessful, I am happy to have a meeting with you but will be recording this/bringing a colleague as I would then like to discuss the cover policy/text message exchange further with HR/regional manager”

Your boss is a dick.

On top of that, my daughter has a sickness bug which I would like to avoid passing on to other staff members and customers.

NO! The daughter is irrelevant here. That's what's made it worse.

If OP is too sick to work then she is too sick to work. If she needs dependants leave then that's different.

ohdamnitjanet · 27/12/2023 08:16

Lunab18 · 27/12/2023 07:36

You need to go higher than this manager, to an area manager or HR. You do not have to put up with being treated like this.
I would reply to her that you are unwell and likely will not be in work tomorrow and will not return until you are recovered. Tell her you can self certify for up to 7 days. I’d also ask if you need to report your absence by phone rather than text to ensure you have followed your absence procedures.
please don’t put up with this bully. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

All this. You must speak to HR or her line manager, you do not have to be spoken to like this and you do not have to arrange cover if you are sick, suppose you were in hospital? Would she still expect you to do this? Also talk to ACAS and join a Union. She’s only another person and will carry on bullying you if you let her. I agree with the other posters about not mentioning your daughter, it’s not relevant and she obviously won’t have any sympathy.

Original poster
Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 08:16

I am a single parent. Manager is aware of situation with ex partner and unfortunately he does not help me. So if my daughter’s sick then I have to stay off to care for her. Usually my dad will look after her when I’m working and school holidays but he’s in his 70’s and immune compromised.

thought I was doing the right thing giving plenty of notice, as if I’d left it till this morning, it would of been even worse and she would of been furious that I didn’t get in contact earlier. I shouldn’t have gone in sick previously, but you are made to feel terrible and so guilty for being ill.

Also she was supposed to be working Boxing Day, that’s why I messaged her, didn’t realise she had ended up taking it off

OP posts:
TheGreatestAtuin · 27/12/2023 08:17

Please report your manager to HR. Raise a grievance. Her behaviour is entirely inappropriate. You have evidence of this now that you can provide as part of the grievance.

Although as other posters have said, I'd be interested to know what your companies policy for reporting sickness is and if you've actually followed it? Using personal messages to report sickness absence seems a bit strange. What does your company policy/handbook say? That's the only thing I can see that you might have done "wrong" here (i.e. not following the absence policy).

But either way your manager is an unprofessional twat and needs to be dealt with by HR/a higher up manager ASAP.

festivepains · 27/12/2023 08:19

Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 08:16

I am a single parent. Manager is aware of situation with ex partner and unfortunately he does not help me. So if my daughter’s sick then I have to stay off to care for her. Usually my dad will look after her when I’m working and school holidays but he’s in his 70’s and immune compromised.

thought I was doing the right thing giving plenty of notice, as if I’d left it till this morning, it would of been even worse and she would of been furious that I didn’t get in contact earlier. I shouldn’t have gone in sick previously, but you are made to feel terrible and so guilty for being ill.

Also she was supposed to be working Boxing Day, that’s why I messaged her, didn’t realise she had ended up taking it off

Are you too sick to work? That is what matters.

If you are not too sick to work but your daughter is too ill for your childcare arrangements then you will need to use emergancy dependents leave.

Loopylou7219 · 27/12/2023 08:20

glasslightly · 27/12/2023 07:46

Honestly, whilst I wouldn’t have responded in the way you did. I’d be pretty annoyed by your text. First reading it, it strongly suggests you’re off becauce of your daughter - which you don’t have a right to do. Second you’ve emailed me on my day off making this something I have to deal with rather than waiting till the morning.

Sorry: doesn't have the right to be off with her daughter? What on earth are you talking about. Should her child look after herself all day? Ridiculous comment.

WashItTomorrow · 27/12/2023 08:21

Loopylou7219 · 27/12/2023 08:20

Sorry: doesn't have the right to be off with her daughter? What on earth are you talking about. Should her child look after herself all day? Ridiculous comment.

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Well, she doesn’t. It’s not ridiculous at all.

DrunkenElephant · 27/12/2023 08:21

festivepains · 27/12/2023 08:14

On top of that, my daughter has a sickness bug which I would like to avoid passing on to other staff members and customers.

NO! The daughter is irrelevant here. That's what's made it worse.

If OP is too sick to work then she is too sick to work. If she needs dependants leave then that's different.

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Yes I agree, but the Op has already mentioned her daughter and should clarify why she did that so it doesn’t just look like she’s off to care for her daughter!

dishyrishi · 27/12/2023 08:22

I'm going to be unpopular here, but as you don't seem to be too sick to Mumsnet, and you have mentioned your daughter so frequently, I'd say it's questionable that you're too sick to work.

This doesn't take away the fact your boss' reaction was off, but always best to be honest, when honest about not being able to leave a sick child most people would understand.

MikeRafone · 27/12/2023 08:23

Go to the meeting with a pad and pen

note everything the manager says

don’t engage apart from to ask questions, what is the meeting? Are you allowed to bring someone with you?

tell her only that you will make notes and will be seeking advise. If she asks you anything - I was I’ll and unable to attend work end it there but make any notes on her replies

then reiterate you’ll be seeking advice

dont get drawn into making excuses you couldn’t find anyone to cover your shift or your dd was unwell etc

i was I’ll and unable to attend work, gave you notice of this

jyst repeat those few things

i was I’ll and unable to attend

let her talk as much as she want, jot it all down

rainbowstardrops · 27/12/2023 08:24

Your manager sounds absolutely awful! You're sick. Your child is sick. You asked for cover. What else are you supposed to do?!

icelollycraving · 27/12/2023 08:24

I’m a retail manager. Check your policy for sickness reporting because messages aren’t sufficient for me, I need a call. I always overstaff on 27th as experience has taught me someone may go sick. Did she notice you were unwell last week? Is it standard to cover your own absence?
I think she sounds like she’d benefit from people management training. I would email and cc HR, saying as per your previous messages, you are too ill to work, you tried to get cover and will not be in for today’s shift or potentially until *. You tried via the app to request cover but had no reply and are too unwell to call the team individually. I’d mention that you regret messaging during her time with family but wanted to give her the heads up.
Not all retail managers are arses but some, like lots of professions, don’t have the people skills or the training to manage people well. There are lots of retail jobs out there. Going by the opening times, I assume a small supermarket or a bakery? Get looking for a new job, but not today. Just rest up and turn your phone off.

Loopylou7219 · 27/12/2023 08:24

WashItTomorrow · 27/12/2023 08:21

Well, she doesn’t. It’s not ridiculous at all.

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A parent doesn't have the right to be off with her child if they're ill? Explain please

KingsleyBorder · 27/12/2023 08:24

Same way child is looked after when OP is working @Loopylou7219 ? It’s the school holidays.

festivepains · 27/12/2023 08:25

DrunkenElephant · 27/12/2023 08:21

Yes I agree, but the Op has already mentioned her daughter and should clarify why she did that so it doesn’t just look like she’s off to care for her daughter!

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Ah see I feel that mentioning the daughters sick bug does just that.