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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore my managers rude text?

395 replies

Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 07:26

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 27/12/2023 08:27

rwalker · 27/12/2023 07:59

I think any sickness after a bank holiday and especially Christmas looks suspicious

@rwalker yes, I agree

Unfortunately, you see it all the time on here. Something coming up that you don't fancy? No problem, just say you're unwell

So, rightly or wrongly, the manager nay be sceptical (but her tone is still unacceptable, and agree not OP's responsibility to find cover)

Octowussy · 27/12/2023 08:27

dishyrishi · 27/12/2023 08:22

I'm going to be unpopular here, but as you don't seem to be too sick to Mumsnet, and you have mentioned your daughter so frequently, I'd say it's questionable that you're too sick to work.

This doesn't take away the fact your boss' reaction was off, but always best to be honest, when honest about not being able to leave a sick child most people would understand.

Yes, the "too sick to mumsnet" is unpopular because surely you can see the difference between the energy it takes to work in retail (stacking shelves, manual handling, on your feet for long hours etc.) and typing a post and replying to comments from the comfort of your bed.

pmama · 27/12/2023 08:27

I agree - do not mention daughter. Answer that 'Sorry, I have a terrible cough and high temperature. I cannot come to work today and tomorrow as I need some time to recover. If I would not feel any better the day after tomorrow, I will call my GP for an appointment.' This is showing that you are sick, and you are really doing anything to get better.

Zanatdy · 27/12/2023 08:29

Disgusting behaviour from a manager. Agree in stop mentioning your daughter, you’re not going in as you’re sick. I’d make that clear in my response to the manager that it doesn’t matter if someone can watch her as you are too sick to work. I’m a manager and I wouldn’t dream of sending a message like that. Also it’s her job to find cover - that’s why she’s paid a manager wage

TwilightSkies · 27/12/2023 08:30

I'm going to be unpopular here, but as you don't seem to be too sick to Mumsnet, and you have mentioned your daughter so frequently, I'd say it's questionable that you're too sick to work.

It’s other posters that have mentioned her daughter so frequently! Not OP!

So because OP can go on Mumsnet she must be lying about being sick 😂 do you feel that way about the people on the cancer threads ffs?

TrashedSofa · 27/12/2023 08:30

CeeceeBloomingdale · 27/12/2023 07:34

I think you made a mistake texting her the day before. You should have called or messaged on the day to say you're sick. Messaging the day before and talking about your DD muddies the waters.

Yeah, she's an arsehole but you didn't help yourself there OP. You're ill. That was all that needed to be said, you overcomplicated the situation.

I understand your point about trying to give her plenty of notice, and if she wasn't an arsehole that would've been a sensible thing to do. But she is. So next time you have to take sick leave, report that morning/start of the shift then turn your phone off or temporarily block her number. Getting cover is her job.

Gazelda · 27/12/2023 08:31

pmama · 27/12/2023 08:27

I agree - do not mention daughter. Answer that 'Sorry, I have a terrible cough and high temperature. I cannot come to work today and tomorrow as I need some time to recover. If I would not feel any better the day after tomorrow, I will call my GP for an appointment.' This is showing that you are sick, and you are really doing anything to get better.

This is a good response. Firm, fair, informative and with an appropriate actions.

dishyrishi · 27/12/2023 08:31

But Octowussy, she's done it all wrong, it's absolutely muddied the waters, on a text, without much context.

The manager has two points to base things on, her sickness superseded by her daughters, neither is wrong, but an employer needs clarity as to the "why" you are off, they employ her not her daughter, and neither do they employ her to look after her daughter, sick pay and dependent pay (if she's lucky enough) are entirely different.

Coconutter24 · 27/12/2023 08:31

WashItTomorrow · 27/12/2023 08:21

Well, she doesn’t. It’s not ridiculous at all.

Show quote history

Op does have a right to be off for a dependent, look in the employment rights act 1996. Any employee can legally have time off to look after a dependent

Loopylou7219 · 27/12/2023 08:31

Cannot believe some of these responses. It's so sad and disappointing so many of you are colluding with this totally unprofessional, nasty behaviour from OP's boss and placing the blame on her.

OP is clearly anxious about being off due to a toxic work environment which implies RETAIL is more important than well-being/recovering from sickness, so what OP mentioned her daughter was ill, if anything it provides further context! No wonder we have such a problem with mental health when people think this is an acceptable response from a manager in regard to sickness.

OP keep a record of her responses and speak to HR when you're better. Agreed that next time, don't send a personal message, just follow the procedures as laid out re reporting sickness.

Dishwashersaurous · 27/12/2023 08:31

By mentioning your daughter you've confused the situation.

You need to follow whatever the business process is for reporting in sick.

So call, email, form etc.

And then ignore all.other messages.

Just follow the formal procedure

2Hot2Handle · 27/12/2023 08:35

I wouldn’t ignore the message, as you’ll stress about it all day, as you’ve said. Text back and say that you reached out to the team for her (your line manager) to ask if someone could cover, but you haven’t had any responses, unfortunately.

Then say “I’m so sorry I couldn’t do more than this, but I am seriously very ill. I have had laryngitis since Christmas Eve (or whenever you got ill) and worked through it, but was then ill over Christmas. It has since gotten worse, not better and unfortunately I’m just too ill to work. I’m sorry this leaves you short staffed. I’ll come and see you when I’m back in”. Then leave it at that. Consider getting a dr appointment to get an official diagnosis. Then rest up and work on preparing a defense for when you’re back in. If you rarely take time off and have been there for 12 years, I would definitely point this out when back in. Are you part of a union? They could potentially help advise you, if your manager gets nasty, but I doubt she will. You can’t help being sick!

CatamaranViper · 27/12/2023 08:35

OP you've done the best you can in the situation. They can't force you to come in when you're ill. You're entitled to dependent leave and you're entitled to call in sick.
Providing you've followed their procedure properly then they can't discipline you.

Read your contract and sickness policy and basically quote it back to them.

Coconutter24 · 27/12/2023 08:35

I completely understand you wanting to call in earlier to give notice but by texting your manager on her day off you’ve probably annoyed her cos she was now thinking about work instead of enjoying her time off. You say you messaged her cos she was supposed to be in work, if that’s the case you should of directly called the retail store you work at then a manager or team leader who was working could of dealt with it and that would of been ok to do on the morning of your shift. Hope you both feel well soon

Loopylou7219 · 27/12/2023 08:36

KingsleyBorder · 27/12/2023 08:24

Same way child is looked after when OP is working @Loopylou7219 ? It’s the school holidays.

Edited

School holidays and sickness are different things. Why on earth should someone else look after your child when they're ill? So parents aren't allowed to care for their sick children during the school holidays? Another ridiculous comment 👏

topnoddy · 27/12/2023 08:36

Lunab18 · 27/12/2023 07:36

You need to go higher than this manager, to an area manager or HR. You do not have to put up with being treated like this.
I would reply to her that you are unwell and likely will not be in work tomorrow and will not return until you are recovered. Tell her you can self certify for up to 7 days. I’d also ask if you need to report your absence by phone rather than text to ensure you have followed your absence procedures.
please don’t put up with this bully. Hope you’re feeling better soon.

Why does nearly everyone on here think that everywhere has HR ?

Snowforabit · 27/12/2023 08:38

Please look after yourself OP, you struggled on and now paying the price. Don’t give your arse of a manager a second thought.

KingsleyBorder · 27/12/2023 08:39

Loopylou7219 · 27/12/2023 08:31

Cannot believe some of these responses. It's so sad and disappointing so many of you are colluding with this totally unprofessional, nasty behaviour from OP's boss and placing the blame on her.

OP is clearly anxious about being off due to a toxic work environment which implies RETAIL is more important than well-being/recovering from sickness, so what OP mentioned her daughter was ill, if anything it provides further context! No wonder we have such a problem with mental health when people think this is an acceptable response from a manager in regard to sickness.

OP keep a record of her responses and speak to HR when you're better. Agreed that next time, don't send a personal message, just follow the procedures as laid out re reporting sickness.

Nobody is saying that it is acceptable for the manager to respond as she has done.
Nobody is saying OP must work while sick.

What people are saying is that OP had a perfectly valid reason to have a day off work due to her own sickness. By mentioning her child being unwell OP is giving the manager reason to suspect that her own sickness is not the real reason. That was unwise.

Beautiful3 · 27/12/2023 08:40

Talk to hr about her. It's not on at all.

MsPavlichenko · 27/12/2023 08:42

The best thing you can do is join a union. In the short term try to forget about her, and get better. You are entitled to be off sick ( I agree about not mentioning your DD, that’s not why you are off ). If you think you need longer message today and say so, you can self certify for a week. Then mute your manager if it’s helpful. Again, join a union.

ParsnipAndPoppy · 27/12/2023 08:43

KingsleyBorder · 27/12/2023 08:39

Nobody is saying that it is acceptable for the manager to respond as she has done.
Nobody is saying OP must work while sick.

What people are saying is that OP had a perfectly valid reason to have a day off work due to her own sickness. By mentioning her child being unwell OP is giving the manager reason to suspect that her own sickness is not the real reason. That was unwise.

Show quote history

Completely agree with this

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 27/12/2023 08:44

Nitgel · 27/12/2023 07:41

I wouldn't have contacted my manager on boxing day tbh it's a pretty crappy thing to do on her own day off, that's probably why she's crabby.

I would have thought a manager would rather be contacted by a staff member not being able to work on her day off rather than be informed the following morning just before the working day started!!!

OP, it's not up to you to find cover when you are off sick - surely that is what a manager is paid to do. I would be pointing that out - and also look for a new job, she sounds useless and very unpleasant.

Floooooof · 27/12/2023 08:44

Is it an express type store? I work in one and have never heard of anyone having to arrange their own cover before. We are supposed to notify the store ASAP so that cover can be found. We would be expected to contact the store rather than the manage directly so that who ever is covering her can sort it. Also I'm not sure why people are saying your daughter being ill is irrelevant? What are single parents supposed to do?

Do you call in sick often op? If not and there's no other reason for her to be annoyed with you then I'd consider making a complaint to HR

Loopylou7219 · 27/12/2023 08:45

KingsleyBorder · 27/12/2023 08:39

Nobody is saying that it is acceptable for the manager to respond as she has done.
Nobody is saying OP must work while sick.

What people are saying is that OP had a perfectly valid reason to have a day off work due to her own sickness. By mentioning her child being unwell OP is giving the manager reason to suspect that her own sickness is not the real reason. That was unwise.

Show quote history

Erm, I think some of the comments are saying exactly that!

"By mentioning her child being unwell OP is giving the manager reason to suspect that her own sickness is not the real reason. That was unwise."

Or maybe OPs manager could just show some basic respect for her and believe her when she says she is not well, regardless of if she has mentioned her daughter or not. Why do some managers fail to accept sometimes we get ill not everyone calling in sick is trying to pull a fast one for God's sake

violetcuriosity · 27/12/2023 08:45

Regardless of whether she should of shouldn't have said about the child being ill- she does have 4 weeks unpaid parental leave too. Manager hasn't got a leg to stand on with her responses. Saying that, it must be pure shit being a manager in retail during the Xmas period.