To ignore my managers rude text?

[Anon1359]

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

Report her to HR, she's out of line! Hope you and your daughter feel better soon!

Agree with others, you shouldn't mention your daughter - they just assume you are staying off because of her. Don't muddy the water, YOU are ill, you are staying off because YOU are ill, nothing to do with daughter, leave her out of it!

This was so triggering for me . I worked in retail in exactly this situation . It made me have anxiety for life which I’m now medicated for.
I totally feel for you, the tears of frustration the fact you tried your best and in doing this buggered up your own Christmas and made yourself worse.

i left in the end with four weeks holiday owing so I rang the area manager and said I’m leaving as of today . They were totally shocked as they knew nothing about this treatment.

so get signed off for two weeks because that’s how long you will take to get better.

then either have a private word with your manager . Strongly stating you are a human and are fallible. Ask for an apology for the treatment you were given and an assurance that the situation will not arise again , if you are sick you are sick .

or : contact area manager or/and h r and discuss with it with them . Explain that your treatment was cruel and unacceptable.

then look for a different job . However lots of these shift based customer facing jobs always run on not enough staff.

I’m sending you huge hugs and love and strength to tell them to F off and respect you.

just to add my people pleasing stopped five years ago when I had a stroke after putting so much pressure on myself to please others and push through ill health. I’m now wheelchair bound .

don’t be me .❤️

Invoking parental leave policy and calling off sick for oneself are two different things. OP needs to be honest with her employer.

She's a nasty bully. Try and look for another job.

Maybe complain to HR too, or, confront her directly - it may be fear behind all the moods and commands of not coping well in her job.

What company is this?

It's not how it works and she is horrid . With my company ( big high street retailer ) they have a policy that you call and speak to a manager the day you are sick . I would never text anyone the day before and if they are short staffed then so be it .

They run their business to tight budgets and that's their choice !

They cannot sack you or give you a disciplinary for being poorly so just make sure you know the company rules and stick to them .

It's not your job to get cover for sickness , it's theirs!

Self certify for 7 days and then take stress leave until you can find a new job. Don't kill yourself for a job that will replace you in a heartbeat.

For me texting is the biggest issue. What is your company’s sickness policy? I have worked in retail 20 years and texting in has not been acceptable in any of the stores I have worked.
it isn’t your responsibility to cover your shifts for sickness but you should have called on the day. As others have said, stop mentioning your daughter. You are sick so that’s the reason you aren’t going to work.

This is the perfect response.

Absolutely shocking behaviour from a manager. It is literally their job to manage rotas and staffing, not yours. And staff sickness is part of that. If they can't cover staff sickness during the winter they aren't managing their staffing levels very well. If possible, I'd look for another job.

I know this isn’t the point of the thread but I really believe all shops should remain closed over Christmas. No need at all to be open Boxing Day or New Years Day. It’s just pure greed on the part of retailers.
What happened to people enjoying being with their family and doing simple things like going for a walk and playing games?

I've worked retail management and your boss is a bullying cow. Mentioning your daughter probably confused the issue though. I'd clarify that YOU now have caught a contagious D&V bug FROM Dd hence the sick message for yourself and leave her out of it in future.

Wrt to calling ahead, I personally never minded this. Both my senior manager and I liked the advanced notice so would proceed to get cover on this basis whilst asking the employee to call in on the day as per procedure for a check in but I guess some people do not like it. I tried it myself when sick and found the hard way that no good deed goes unpunished by some managers. Often the same ones that then get nasty because they are trying at 8:45 to find staff to come in for 9 and have to resort to bullying. OP you also mentioned you messaged your manager as when you last checked she was down to work- I'd also make this point clear. You did NOT intentionally disturb her leave. Based on your previous with her, screenshots of everything and be prepared to involve your union or ACAS.

I also feel that in retail it's unreasonable to never expect a message on your day off as a manager. I appreciated being left alone as much as possible but occasionally it happens - emergencies, cover, occasional questions on things that someone is obviously blast messaging to find answers to or stuff you're the SME/lead on, alarm call outs. You can ignore these, obviously but if you don't pull for the team to a certain degree, don't expect your back scratched when you're in need.

Our middle manager found this out. Anyone calling in sick to her was met with an accusatory tone of voice that implied she thought you were faking- you could practically hear her eyes roll- and made you feel guilty for leaving her under staffed, yet she refused to take ANY heads-ups for cover, only the required phone call. I messaged her early evening once, to let her know as a duty manager that I was fluey and getting worse fast, would call in as formality but would not be in, so she could look for cover either then or as soon as she got up in the morning. She ignored it, ignored my msg at 6am to confirm I was worse & would call in on the shop line as per the rules but I wouldn't be attending. I called in to be whined at and told it was VERY short notice - ie 09:10am for a 09:00am start. No, bitch - I gave you 12+ hours notice in addition to the required call and you have the rota on your phone plus all staff contact info. When I finally told my boss after middle manager left our employ, she was horrified.

The same selfish little cow bag expected endless understanding and time off when she used to ring in sick last minute at the first sign of a mild sniffle or to claim the rota suddenly wouldn't work for her and leave us in the lurch and having to bear the brunt. When she then came in too soon as sole manager after a bout of D&V and tried to go home sick as still too feeble to be in, mysteriously neither our manager nor I were available to cut short our days off and cover for her- she'd simply abused us too often and I hadn't forgotten the "short notice" remark. Area cover from another shop eventually came and helped out- after she practically shat herself. She deserved it.

It is part of the manager's role to sort out staff shortages, not yours. YOU are ill , I hope other adults in your family circle can look after your daughter, so you can focus on YOU. By the way, it might be better for you to look for another job, to get away from a toxic bully. Good luck, get well soon. May 2024 bring you a happier place to work! 😉

You say to her you tried all avenues. You also explain how you’ve worked right up to Christmas whilst being ill. You then take it further to HR. Explain her mood swings and attitude at work and the current situation. I work in retail and get how hard it is, but her attitude is unacceptable.

I agree with daylightsavingstime's response. Reiterate that both you and your daughter are ill and that you will gladly speak to your manager on your return.

I think it is outrageous to message you in such a rude and uncaring manner. It sounds as if you are a very conscientious member of the team and you have been working even when you were unwell.

I can't understand why some people are agreeing with your manager's response. Surely it is not your job to find someone to cover your sickness - isn't that the manager's job.

If you have a good work record, and you have an HR department, if it were me I would be inclined to speak to them about this.

I would ignore it. You wouldn't be doing anyone any favours by going into work and passing the virus or whatever it is on to everyone else. I wouldn't emphasise the part about your daughter being sick. You are ill in your own right and that is enough. Take the rest of the week off and get a self-certification form to complete when you return. Once you've been back at work for a few minths, look for another job.

if you mean she can’t be off because of her child being ill then you’re wrong. She does have a right to be off if her daughter is unwell and she has no one to care for her sick child.
By law, anyone legally classed as an employee can take time off to help a dependant with an emergency. The law is the Employment Rights Act 1996.

Also, It’s the employer’s responsibility to find cover for sickness which normally falls on the supervisor or manager.
Wether OP is off due to her own illness or her child's illness she’s entitled to take (reasonable) time off

Oh OP she sounds awful!! Bless you! I'd be looking for a new job once you've recovered. I hope you feel better soon 💜

As a manager it's my job to sort cover/move things around, and the earlier you're notified by the colleague the better as it makes things easier, so I understand why you text her on boxing day. All she had to do was send a quick acknowledgement to you and wish you a speedy recovery. Getting texts outside of working hours is part and parcel of being a manager, it's one of the reasons you're paid more.

When you're back at work report her to HR but based on her attitude this may suggest a poor working culture, so they may not even address it properly. I'd be looking for a new job in the meantime.

Your manager needs to go on a people’s skills course as she clearly hasn’t got any! From reading her response she clearly assumes that you’ll be back the following day without knowing if the illness will have cleared or not. Not once has she shown concern for you or your daughter. You have told her clearly that you are unwell and that your daughter is also unwell. Yet she completely dismisses your illness by asking you to find someone else to look after DD. She’s so wrong on every level. Perhaps managerial positions are not for her.
When you finally do go in for this “talk” she’s threatening you with PLEASE REMEMBER THAT YOU HAVE A LEGAL RIGHT TO TAKE IN ANOTHER PERSON WITH YOU. IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE AN UNION REP (and you don’t have to be a member of an union) though I strongly advise you to join one if you can afford to.

Going forward, could you perhaps talk to other members of staff and if they too feel intimidated or uncomfortable by the manager’s attitude then you should all be prepared to call a meeting and tell her straight (in a calm way) how you all feel and perhaps work out a plan to make your workplace a happier place for everyone.
Please don’t let it worry you there’s always help out there. Good luck. Hope you and your daughter feel better soon.

Depends on company policy I believe.