To ignore my managers rude text?

[Anon1359]

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

I agree you need to work out what company policy is. Is it your job to arrange cover, or hers? You need to be clear about this going forward.

For the time being I would just say as you know I am extremely unwell, I will keep you updated and let you know how I feel later today. Happy to discuss once I feeling better.

You are entitled to be ill and can’t be pulled into work but you do need to follow company policy- mine is that you have to physically speak to your manager on the day of your illness before 10AM. You need to know what your policy is and then expect your manager to follow it.

Just reply 'Dear manager, to clarify, I am too ill to work today and am self certifying. I have been unable to arrange cover so am notifying you as the manager'.

Life is far too short to worry about people like this or to feel immense guilt over being too sick to work. The world keeps turning when people are ill even if it pisses a few people off because they have to cover a shift or do a bit of extra work. If you know that you are too ill to work then what's the big deal.

You have to give notice for parental leave. 28 days off the top of my head and it can be postponed.

Dependents leave is meant for in an emergency. It's short term and meant to be used to make other arrangements, not to do the care yourself.

Parental leave has to be applied for in advance. It's not applicable here.

So what does the manager manage if she doesn't manage sick leave cover?

OP I used to work in retail too (now retired), and I remember thinking during Covid that if there was one good thing to come out of it, at least shops would rethink their sickness policies, so that people didn't have to crawl into work spreading contagion everywhere. But no, back to the same old bollocks, never mind that vulnerable people can die of flu caught from people being bullied into working with the public. Sorry, this is not helpful to you, but it makes me so angry! You are too ill to work, your daughter is to ill to be left, and your manager needs to sort out cover. In the meantime when you feel a little better perhaps you should apply for new jobs. All the best OP, I hope you and your daughter feel better very soon 💐

Why did you contact your manager?

If that is the policy then fine. But I would have thought it makes more sense to phone up the place of work on the day you are due in to report your sickness. If your manager is on leave then it makes no sense to contact them.

I think you should get in touch with HR and put in a grievance
Obviously keep the texts as evidence.
I've known people like this who bully their staff like this and it pains me they get away with it for so long.
Don't stand for this. Please please speak to HR. Its your managers job to sort cover. Otherwise she's not 'managing'.

In OP it says she text her.

In OP it says she text her

OP initiated by sending the first text.

I do not understand why she contacted somebody that is on leave.

Correction. I now noticed that she did not know the manager was on leave. I think in this situation OP needs to phone in to the store before her shift and report she is sick.

Don’t mention the daughter. The daughter being ill is irrelevant. You don’t get sick leave if a family member is ill, only if your are. As OP is ill that is all that matters.

As a Salon owner myself I'm slightly confused at some of these comments.

Regardless of you mentioning your daughter you are unwell I don't think you have confused the situation - whether you or your daughter are sick or both are sick you won't be attending work, it's as simple as that. If you are sick or your daughter is sick chances are your household is unwell it's common sense. And for texting 24 hours before I don't see any wrong in it especially if you are in a job that requires cover or notice - most of us are aware of when we are unwell it's rare you wake up feeling 100% with no symptoms of your previous illness so I don't see any wrong in texting ahead of time even if you felt better it's completely okay to need/want to take a day to recover. It's your manger's responsibility to find cover if you can't. I agree the manager is probably annoyed purely because it's now become her problem but that's part of her job role so she will have to suck it up. I feel like people are being harsh on you, your unwell it's as simple as that if she causes anymore issues then just take it above her where it's possible. Hope you both feel better soon xx

OP I can see you probably had good intentions with giving her notice but in my experience giving advance notice of sickness is almost always taken as a sign that someone is faking it and they’re always asked to confirm their sickness on the day they’re due in. Whatever the policy is, follow that. In my working experience it’s usually a phone call by a certain time on the day itself to confirm you are too unwell to work.

Ensuring care for your daughter is not the responsibility of your employer so don’t mention her at all. While your manager may know the situation or may seem superficially sympathetic, ultimately the organisation from an employee expectations/policy point of view doesnt care about your personal situation. So if you are in a tough spot, never mention her, it’s always you that’s unwell.

She was rude but you need to protect yourself by familiarising yourself with the ins and outs of policies and following them to the letter.

It's out of order. Go above her to complain. You should absolutely not have to find cover for sickness,

It's some work places policy - I own a salon and if my staff are sick or unable to attend work I need to know in advance if possible due to being a hairdresser their clients need to be sorted 24 hours ie covered or moved or cancelled. As a manager you are open to be contact on your days off or if you are on leave. If she has no one else to contact then she's left with no choice but to text. Also with it being Boxing Day there's a chance her work place was closed and had no choice but to contact her manager while she was off.

In the store I work at we are expected to give advanced notice if possible, calling in sick on the day tends to piss off the shift leaders as it leaves them no time to find cover.

My son broke his arm last year and I had to call in sick to take him to the hospital. Literally no one else to do it. Was that wrong too? Managers need to understand some times kids need you. Not everyone has help around them.

I’d take that text to HR. You’ve notified your manager that you are sick and will not be able to attend work, and in advance. It is her job to sort cover/staffing. She’s overstepped expecting you to a) pass a sick child onto someone else; b) expecting you to come in when you are also ill and c) to sort out your own cover. HR should be made aware of her misconduct and failure to do her job. You don’t need to look for another job, but HR will need to consider whether she is fit for hers.

Always such a ridiculous comment. I've had Covid and barely had energy to get out of bed to eat, but I could still type the odd message before going back to sleep.

I do wonder if some people are never ill so don't know how it feels or how unable you are to do your normal activities.

The thing about managers, is they have their own managers.

Bypass them completely. Find out who their line manager is and tell them that their (lack of) ability to manage compared to their predecessor is risking their staff walking out.

Get them more worried about looking up, than down.

Because to be quite honest a lot of them are. Unfortunately it gives everyone a bad rep and honest people like the OP lose out.

This (unless policy is to call but then say the same thing)

i didnt write the previous comment & this isn't specifically to you but as a few people have commented, having had a toxic manager(i ended up leaving and a couple of colleagues later raised a bullying complaint) its really important not to confuse different reasons for being off. In this case as people have said , the op's sickness is the reason for absence. Having to have an emergency day off for dependants is another type of absence. I once took an A/L day because my daughter was ill, my manager was on A/L herself so I couldn't ask her and there was all hell to pay. The main thing is to always check your company policies and have a copy at home!

Will echo others. If you’re ill you should have just said that. All the other layers make it sound suspicious.

Yes, you weren’t sick so should not have called in sick. You should have used (unpaid) dependents leave and then if necessary annual leave or parental leave.

https://www.gov.uk/time-off-for-dependants

I'd just text back and say you're too unwell, you killed yourself ip until Christmas and the fall out is you can't work because you're sick
Good luck she sounds dreadful - and yes it's her job to find cover !