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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ignore my managers rude text?

395 replies

Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 07:26

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

OP posts:
BingoMarieHeeler · 27/12/2023 07:43

Nitgel · 27/12/2023 07:41

I wouldn't have contacted my manager on boxing day tbh it's a pretty crappy thing to do on her own day off, that's probably why she's crabby.

So who is she supposed to inform that she won’t be in on 27th then? Or just notify on the day rather than as early as poss? (Genuine question!)

Lovingitallnow · 27/12/2023 07:45

You shouldn't have texted her. Your problem was trying to be kind and preempt them being short. You should have rang the morning of- or whatever policy is and said you are sick. I'd say your manager can't remember how sick you were before Christmas and it just looks like with a days notice you were unable to provide cover for either your daughter or your shift.

Josette77 · 27/12/2023 07:45

Mentioning your daughter was a mistake.

You need to be clear that you are staying home because you are ill, not your daughter.

glasslightly · 27/12/2023 07:46

Honestly, whilst I wouldn’t have responded in the way you did. I’d be pretty annoyed by your text. First reading it, it strongly suggests you’re off becauce of your daughter - which you don’t have a right to do. Second you’ve emailed me on my day off making this something I have to deal with rather than waiting till the morning.

Loubelle70 · 27/12/2023 07:48

I had this .. didn't have a day off in 4 year then came down with covid... could barely move, notified manager and he went ballistic... meeting when you come in because its unacceptable..i said absolutely...and i hope HR will be there after ive escalated the situation because i feel your behaviour is unacceptable considering ive never had a sick day off in 4 year. Kissed my arse after that..he left the job 4 month later anyway. Any crap get HR involved

YireosDodeAver · 27/12/2023 07:53

Your daughter's illness is irrelevant and mentioning it at all makes it sound like you would be well enough to work but aren't putting in the effort because you're choosing to stay home with sick dd.

Clearly what you meant to say was that you are far too ill to work because you soldiered on and worked while sick in the runup to Christmas and that additional unwise working has made you really very much sicker and in no state to work. You added the information that your DD is also sick because of a mistaken belief that your manager was interested in quite how miserable a time you are having, whereas in fact she only needed to know the information that you are far too ill to work. Follow up your text to clarify this. Superhuman staff who never get ill are not available.

BCBird · 27/12/2023 07:54

Sadly I think this is happening more and more. One of my friends has got this issue. It is shocking. Keep a screen shot of all communication re informing them and responses. Mute the notifications too. Follow procedure for continued absence and prioritise you with some self care. Hand hold OP

eurochick · 27/12/2023 07:55

Your daughter is irrelevant so stop mentioning her. You are too ill to work. That's the issue.

Brefugee · 27/12/2023 07:57

Ignore the text, put it back on "unread" if you can. Call in sick for the next 7 days (or however long you're legally able to self-certify)

I am guessing you're not in a union. Join one now. Or take out legal insurance. It won't stop you being fired, but it may help you to word the letter to your manager's boss if she starts picking on you or you get fired for this.

Augustus40 · 27/12/2023 07:57

Hand in your notice on your return!

Happyme2024 · 27/12/2023 07:58

Just ensure you are following the correct absence reporting procedure.

rwalker · 27/12/2023 07:59

I think any sickness after a bank holiday and especially Christmas looks suspicious

Vinrouge4 · 27/12/2023 07:59

Daylightsavingstime · 27/12/2023 07:35

Just text her back and say I am not well, my child is not well, I won't be in. This may leave you short staffed, but it is not my job to cover it. Will happily discuss with you when I'm back, I am now going back to bed.

Then ignore any further texts. There's nothing she can do!

Good response. Be assertive. They can’t sack you for being sick. Then start looking for another job maybe in a larger place.

Brefugee · 27/12/2023 08:00

Nitgel · 27/12/2023 07:41

I wouldn't have contacted my manager on boxing day tbh it's a pretty crappy thing to do on her own day off, that's probably why she's crabby.

how would you alert your boss that you are sick and can't work. The clue is in the name "manager"

tbh, OP your two mistakes were a) working while sick before Christmas (even while i understand why you did) and b) mentioning your child.

Hope you feel better soon.

HopelesslyOptimistic · 27/12/2023 08:01

Ignore her text, don't return until your fully fit, ensure you have a friend sit in with you when she speaks to you and walk out if she's rude. Make a formal complaint if required and remember to write down the gist of the conversation. Or ask the friend to jot down the minutes of the meeting and give the boss a copy. Get better soon .

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 27/12/2023 08:02

Don’t give notice on this job, even if you do think you’d be happier elsewhere. Report your absence in accordance with your contract/the policy and then get some rest.

Nitgel · 27/12/2023 08:02

i would contact them in the morning, not the night before, esp on a holiday.

ThatsAnExcellentIdea · 27/12/2023 08:03

You poor thing, hope you feel better soon. I'd send a brief message saying you tried to get cover but were unable to do so. Reiterate that you are too unwell to work today, but will inform her when you are able to return.

Please ignore the comments telling you to mention your ill child in your response. It's not relevant to your sick leave.

Yesmate · 27/12/2023 08:03

Get well soon OP.

Mrgrinch · 27/12/2023 08:03

You need to report her to HR.

Nitgel · 27/12/2023 08:03

what does your sickness policy say?

Tweensandterribletwos · 27/12/2023 08:04

@glasslightly Of course she can take a day off and has a right to to look after her poorly child. It’s called dependent’s leave and is usually unpaid. But either way the OP is sick so she is using her own sick leave in this instance anyway

Brefugee · 27/12/2023 08:05

rwalker · 27/12/2023 07:59

I think any sickness after a bank holiday and especially Christmas looks suspicious

sure, but at this time everyone and their aunty is sick and it isn't unexpected. Especially since OP was also sick before Christmas but actually turned up to work.

Also i see this a lot on here "ask for a copy of your contract" Why the heck are you all signing contracts and not immediately getting a copy? (I am not in UK and here you have 2 copies signed by the company, you sign both and keep one. That seems sensible)

Also it is essential to check the reporting sickness policy. Follow it to the letter. For us it is in our system - can access by phone - and a polite message to boss/colleagues with an estimate how long you'll be away, but the latter is only a courtesy and not mandated.

Finally: vote for better government. In Germany you are entitled to 10 sick days per child per year for each parent. Paid.

Cakeandcardio · 27/12/2023 08:05

glasslightly · 27/12/2023 07:46

Honestly, whilst I wouldn’t have responded in the way you did. I’d be pretty annoyed by your text. First reading it, it strongly suggests you’re off becauce of your daughter - which you don’t have a right to do. Second you’ve emailed me on my day off making this something I have to deal with rather than waiting till the morning.

Even though she is off because of herself, she may well also have the right to be off for her daughter. In my job, I am entitled to 5 paid days off to cover for a sick child.

Possimpible · 27/12/2023 08:05

Nitgel · 27/12/2023 08:03

what does your sickness policy say?

I'd like to know this too. Texting your manager on (presumably) her day off, Boxing Day of all days, to say you're sick is inappropriate if it's not the policy. Obviously she's handled this badly and you're entitled to a sick day, but OP may have behaved poorly too

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