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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ignore my managers rude text?

395 replies

Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 07:26

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

OP posts:
MillieMinx · 28/12/2023 19:09

This is the perfect response. To the point and leaving her in no doubt of her responsibilities and the fact you are too sick to be at work. If you cant see a Dr might be worth a trip to the pharmacist for sone advice and meds to help. This will also back up your illness if she gets nasty. I wish you and your dd better soon

pollymere · 28/12/2023 19:09

Ive found that having terrible flu creates no response. I went to Out of Hours who were lovely but told me I'd be fine to work. My DH got asked to do a Covid test by his work. Turns out we both had Covid. He got told not to come in for a week... I suspect if you'd had a positive Covid test the response would've been different. Your Manager probably thinks you've got a childcare issue or a hangover 😞.

staringatthedoor · 28/12/2023 19:12

As a retail manager myself she is clueless when it comes to policy (most businesses will be very similar regarding absence big or small) or manager colleague-relations & will find herself out of a job if she continues. Don't give up. Contact the union BEFORE you speak to her & let them know what she has said. She's just pretty awful at her job.

FindingNeverland28 · 28/12/2023 19:18

It is her job to find cover. I would apologise for messaging out of hours and say that going forward you will follow protocol of calling the store at the earliest possible time to inform them of your absence. Tell her you thought you were doing the right thing by giving her as much notice to get cover for you. I would ask for clarification from HR as to whose job it is to arrange any cover. I would then leave the work whatsapp group and delete/block managers number. My partner does not share his phone number with any of his managers. Only the HR department has his phone number. I’d be asking for any meetings to be minuted by a 3rd party as well.

Rooroobear · 28/12/2023 19:21

She shouldn’t be contacting you at all when you are off sick asking if yiu can come back sooner! Keep all the messages….I’d be raising a grievance

browneyes77 · 28/12/2023 19:22

I work for a food retailer/supermarket. Not in store, but in HR/Recruitment.

It’s the Store Managers job to arrange cover. As long as you contact the store in the timescale set out in your company policy to advise of sickness, that’s your only responsibility.

I’d be seriously considering putting in a grievance about this Manager.

Livelovebehappy · 28/12/2023 19:25

She sounds like a bully. I would ask her whether it’s company policy for employees to source their own cover for being off sick. It’s a management job surely? As for getting contacted on Boxing Day - it’s part and parcel of being a manager. Presumably she gets well paid for taking on the extra responsibility of actually ‘managing’ her team.

FatFemale · 28/12/2023 19:25

Stick to policy in future. Ring an hour before. If no one answers the phone then text. You've done nothing wrong, in fact yes you have- working on your death bed has ruined YOUR Christmas. You should’ve taken time off before to get yourself better. Now you’re getting shit for still being poorly!! Remember, you are just a number on a spreadsheet. The company dont care about you and would get rid tomorrow. look after yourself and your little one. Get a new job, upskill and get out x

misspiggyThom5 · 28/12/2023 19:34

I'm so sorry you've been made to feel this way, you've done what you thought was best and let the relevant people know it isn't your place to arrange cover or to worry about work when you feel like this, I would send her a message saying that you thought you were acting correctly contacting her as she is the manager and you did let her know you can't come in as your ill, at the end of the the day health and family come first you are doing the right thing staying home and shouldn't be made to feel anxious and upset for it along with feeling ill, try not to worry I've been through similar and ended up breaking down at work at telling my manager everything that bothered me at luckily the chat seemed to pay off in my situation and know when I'm I'll I feel less anxious to phone in, my mum gave me great advice on this subject telling me to look after myself first as that job will still be there for someone else to fill when I'm gone, your only a number there so look after what's important, I hope this helps and I hope you feel better soon, concentrate on getting yourself well and rest you've already gone the extra mile going in before Xmas xxx

Solongtoshort · 28/12/2023 19:35

I would check your company procedure about phoning in sick and as long as you have followed them you are fine. I imagine they say call the store. Stop texting her as she thinks she can message you things like, why are you off.

You should confront her on being rude, does she know how she comes across.

LaurieStrode · 28/12/2023 19:37

She sounds vile and you absolutely should contact your union.

But it sounds as though you have form for missing a lot of work; could they be exasperated with this?

I would stop mentioning your daughter; if YOU are ill you don't need to muddle things and make them think you are just calling off because you can't get childcare.

BackOfTheMum5net · 28/12/2023 19:43

The manager is being paid to sort out problems like this, not you!

Cinateel · 28/12/2023 19:59

I'd phone in so they can hear how ill you are.

gnarlynarwhal · 28/12/2023 20:18

I hate bullies like your manager OP. They always seem to get away with it. If I were you I would wait until you have left and are a couple of months into your new job. I would then write a letter of complaint about her to head office and include copies of the texts she sent you as proof. She is a liability and if they aren’t careful she will drive even more staff away. A few years ago I worked for a bully like her. In the short time she had been in the team managed to upset a number of people and several really good team members sought employment elsewhere because they couldn’t stand her. She was so unprofessional and really unpleasant to deal with. I guarantee you are not the only person she’s upset.

mrsjg · 28/12/2023 20:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

WadiShab · 28/12/2023 21:03

OP you have notified your manager in good time that you are unwell and cannot work. She is the manager so let her manage. Surely it us fir her to arrange cover that us part of managing her department/team, surely that is what she is paid to do. As long as you have met the companies policy regarding notifying
of your absence I think she really needs to pipe down. If you attended work when you told them that you are unwell and you took a turn, unlikey with laryngitis but you get my drift, they would be in serous problems as you had told them and they insisted you attend work regardless.

Personally I would at most send her a message advising her to see previous message which explains the situation advise her that you will return when you are well enough and you understand that as manager it will ve for her to arrange cover. Nothing more to say.

Your manager is out of order.

BlueMongoose · 28/12/2023 21:11

I'd just have said 'I'm too sick to work' as you are. Bringing the daughter into it suggests you are well enough to go into work but are short of childcare, which your boss is using as an excuse for not accepting you're ill. I still think your boss is being a total arse, though.

tachetastic · 28/12/2023 21:12

Anon1359 · 27/12/2023 07:26

I work in Retail and have done for the same company for 12 years. The past year and a half the shop has had a new manager and her moods and attitude really affects the staff in the shop. She is very passive aggressive, if she is in a mood then my god everyone will know about it.

Anyway me and my DD who’s 4 have been ill this Christmas, I’ve worked all the run up to Christmas while I’ve been on my death bed because I didn’t want to leave them short staffed and you are made to feel awful if you call in sick. Don't know how I’ve done it but it’s killed me! I haven’t been able to move off the couch since Christmas Day and I need to rest, I’ve got laryngitis, a cough and flu symptoms and my little girl decided to add a stomach bug to the mix last night.

So I text my manager yesterday a nice polite text like I hope you’ve had a lovely Christmas sorry to text on Boxing Day etc but I’m really not well and my little girl is poorly so I won’t be able to come in tomorrow, to which the respond was:
‘I am with my family. Cover yourself!! You are leaving us short, can no one watch daughter’s name while you work?’

I am livid with her response, not even listen I know you’ve been so ill and still came in don’t worry about it I’ll get it covered. And regardless of my daughter I’m not well either!! So I put in the work group chat if anyone could cover me, the message was read and blanked by everyone but I did try.

My colleagues go into the shop at 5 to open for 6 so I’ve text the morning team leader as early as possible to see if they could try and get cover saying ‘I’m sorry I am really not well, I did try to get my shift covered but won’t be in’

To now I’ve just got another text from my manager saying ‘why are you off?? I’ve had messages this early saying you won’t be doing your morning shift and you haven’t got anyone to cover you? You were told last night to get cover. You will need to come and see me when you come back in tomorrow.’

I am honestly gob smacked, what do I even say in this situation? Should I just ignore her? Or will this make it worse? It’s barely even 7 o’clock and I’m on the couch crying because I feel so anxious, I’ve done nothing but work hard for them and I’m being treated like this! I won’t be able to rest now, I’ll just be panicking all day because I feel guilty and what’s going to happen when I go back to work.

I haven't read the whole thread (sorry) but when it comes to sick leave I would always recommend following company policy rather than contacting managers directly, and say the minimum (i.e. I am ill) and do not get into things about your kids and other priorities. If you are ill then it is the company's responsibility to find cover or to inform other staff that they will be short staffed for a particular shift and reduce duties accordingly. When you are ill this is not your problem.

Hope you find a way through. Your manager sounds a complete nightmare. I am a manager at work and when my staff send emails like this my first reaction is "shit" but I then tell them I hope they feel well soon and then make arrangements for cover, which is usually by me. And they never hear a word of complaint. Staffing is my problem or my own boss's problem, not theirs.

PhillMichellsbrother · 28/12/2023 21:16

Reminds me of a boss I had when I worked in a care home. I went in sick (yes, in a care home, they didn’t give a shit) until I ended up in hospital with pnumonia and pluerisy.

I was signed off for 6 weeks (no sick pay, just SSP so wasn’t doing it for a laugh), and had a disciplinary
when I returned. I laughed in her face and walked out.

MiracleMumm · 28/12/2023 21:18

This is exactly why I got out of working in retail. It’s likely your manager is getting it in the neck from those above her too. Self certify for 7 days and look for another job.

Dibbydoos · 28/12/2023 22:41

Can you video call with her so she sees how poorly you are without you going in and spreading your virus?

I know it's awful fir you and your colleagues who are in work, but illness is largely unavoidable esp when you have kids...

Keep warm, hydrated and take meds. Get well soon.

Josiet88 · 28/12/2023 22:49

You have every right to be off due to child being sick as no where would look after a sick child even if in full time childcare that's being paid for, parental leave is a thing rhat is protected, most sickness policies indicate that you are to inform work with as much notice as possible, therefore she is poorly and her daughter is poorly so regardless of anything else childcare is an issue that can't be counted as sickness, and can't be brought up during absence review meetings unless you have a pattern forming. Ie every Friday or Monday. Even then it is your employers responsibility to make reasonable adjustments. However these are both null and void, she is sick she also explained her child was sick, she worked whilst sick prior to the Christmas run up so I would go get a sick note or something from the doctor to confirm the illness on record. Not necessarily get a sick note but to confirm that she isn't skiving.

Timebomb1 · 28/12/2023 22:54

Your manager is incompetent!!

& Join a union.

Jack80 · 28/12/2023 23:21

I hope you got it sorted its hard in those situations. I hope you messaged back to say you are I'll and will be back when better sorry about no cover. I would take screenshots and take it to HR how rude, Boxing day or not.

QueenBee70 · 29/12/2023 00:05

She has a right to time off to care for dependants .