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Original poster

To hope that it doesn’t have to be like this?!

286 replies

Switchingoff · 26/12/2023 18:04

I will probably be flamed for this as a non parent but it’s a genuine q.

Spent Christmas with 4 kids on DP’s side, ages ranging from 9mo to 2.5 (and their parents).

It was absolute non stop them clinging to or crying for there mummys, not listening when told they couldn’t do something dangerous etc (obviously mostly applies to the older ones), being super picky about food, who fed them, where they sat etc, waking up multiple times a night, parents getting pissy if anyone dared to so much as breathe too loudly when kids were napping / had gone to bed etc. Everything (Christmas meal, present opening etc) had to be timed around their completely different nap and meal times. Every possible source of light that might come under doors had to be removed. Parents had to stay with them once asleep or they would cry when they woke (several times a night) - largely applied to two of the under 2s. Or in another case spend an hour putting to sleep.

It was frustrating, exhausting and somewhat ridiculous tbh.

im sure when we were kids we had to go with the flow a bit more and would often just fall asleep in a room full of people and be put to bed when adults went up?

currently TTC but tbh this is putting me off! Does it have to be like this or can you parent differently?! Since when did EVERYTHING revolve round the kids and since when were they so unresilient?!

OP posts:
charliecoopershair · 26/12/2023 18:05

🤣🤣🤣

AuntyMabelandPippin · 26/12/2023 18:06

They're very, very young.

I'd expect four year olds plus to be ok, but not that age.

festivepains · 26/12/2023 18:06

hahahahaha

AhBiscuits · 26/12/2023 18:06

They were all under 3, yab ridiculous.

Sirzy · 26/12/2023 18:06

Christmas throws routines. The excitement gets children even more wound up than normal.

put 4 under 3s together and of course it will be chaos

Itslegitimatesalvage · 26/12/2023 18:07

If they were a bunch of 4 year olds or over, then I’d be with you on this. But they’re not. So 😂😂😂. Just wait till you have your own; you’ll come back and look at this and feel like a complete and utter fool.

willingtolearn · 26/12/2023 18:07

They are very very young children, mostly babies.

Of course you can parent differently.

Please come back and tell us how well you managed when your children are 18 and we'll all be impressed at you.

FionnulaTheCooler · 26/12/2023 18:07

They're babies and toddlers, crying, night waking and wanting their mums is entirely normal behaviour for their ages.

SoupDragon · 26/12/2023 18:07

You didn't need to point out that you are not a parent yet 😂😂

McMuffins · 26/12/2023 18:07

Tbf they’re very young?

Iwishiwasasilentnight · 26/12/2023 18:08

charliecoopershair · 26/12/2023 18:05

🤣🤣🤣

First reply nailed it.

Octavia64 · 26/12/2023 18:09

Yes when they are babies everything dies revolve around them.

Good luck and I hope you get an easy baby that does fall asleep easily!!

SnapdragonToadflax · 26/12/2023 18:09

9 months to 2.5? 😂 Yup, I'm afraid that is what life is like. Mine was a better sleeper to be fair, but yes life revolved around naps because I would rather avoid the meltdowns if he didn't nap. You probably just didn't notice parents parenting because you were a child yourself?

He's now nearly 5 and mostly an entirely reasonable human, so it doesn't last forever. It feels like it at the time though.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 26/12/2023 18:10

My sister (we are ancient) was like this until she was about ten, if my mother was present she was either attached to her or crying about wanting to be attached to her. Nothing to do with kids of today lacking relisiliance, this was about the same time that Jesus himself was nappies.

I had plenty of cousins who weee the same. I think children get hugely overwhelmed by Christmas and can therefore be a bit like this on the day/other major occasions. They are very young and looking for reassurance from a primary care giver (almost always mum)

arethereanyleftatall · 26/12/2023 18:13

'currently TTC but tbh this is putting me off!'

You've included an exclamation mark here. But actually genuinely - this is life with kids. That's the reality. And I'll be honest - teenagers can be harder than babies. Think seriously about if it's what you want.
Rather than what I did and think 'oh babies are so cute and will cement my relationship' and not a single thought process beyond that. Well that was silly.

Arabellla · 26/12/2023 18:14

Not sure why everyone is laughing like hyenas, OP. The parents lives should revolve around their dc but it sounds like these parents made it utterly miserable for everyone else with a king everyone tip toe around.

I would opt out of spending Christmas there until you’ve had kids as well or their kids are a bit older.

woofwoofbark · 26/12/2023 18:15

charliecoopershair · 26/12/2023 18:05

🤣🤣🤣

No other reply required

MereDintofPandiculation · 26/12/2023 18:16

Parenting has changed hugely in the last 35 years and is more taxing of the parent nowadays.

Hardbackwriter · 26/12/2023 18:16

Your memories of yourself of a child are pretty subjective anyway but also, obviously, are from when you were older than 2.5. So yes, you probably were more easy-going and better behaved as an 8 year old than an actual baby. Congrats?

itsgettingweird · 26/12/2023 18:18

Arabellla · 26/12/2023 18:14

Not sure why everyone is laughing like hyenas, OP. The parents lives should revolve around their dc but it sounds like these parents made it utterly miserable for everyone else with a king everyone tip toe around.

I would opt out of spending Christmas there until you’ve had kids as well or their kids are a bit older.

This.

Life for the Karen's doesn't need to be like this.

If you have a baby who cannot sleep with others around then you need to take them somewhere quiet and not expect the world to stop.

When my ds was tiny if we were at family events and he needed sleep I'd take him for a walk not expect everyone else to stop living 🙄

itsgettingweird · 26/12/2023 18:19

Parents. I have NO IDEA why my iPad correct

graciasinmorzine · 26/12/2023 18:19

if you are talking about 7 year olds I’d be with you, but these are very very young children. They won’t ’go with the flow’. They never went with the flow.

yes, this is what it’s like.

if you have spent 40 minutes bouncing a child to sleep with lots of false starts and your back is killing you, you’ll be pissy if people are talking loudly near the sleeping baby too

I’d spend a bit more time with kids and chatting to their parents are like otherwise you are going to be in a couple of years querying developmentally normal behaviour

itsgettingweird · 26/12/2023 18:20

itsgettingweird · 26/12/2023 18:19

Parents. I have NO IDEA why my iPad correct

Sorry now it's holding 🙄

It should say parents and NOT Karen's which happens to be the worst typo an iPad can make when referring to woman. It must be a glitch in its matrix because I HATE that term Angry

ElderMillenials · 26/12/2023 18:20

Ah I used to think like you. Less arsey but I'd look and think 'I will never do that' 'my kids won't be like that'

Then I had kids and realised how stupid I was.

You are talking about babies! Sure in days gone by kids we're seen and not heard, treat like an inconvenience, but have you noticed the horrendous mental health of the generations brought up like that? It's a positive thing parenting is changing.

Absolutely reconsider having dc if you aren't prepared to care for them.

Hardbackwriter · 26/12/2023 18:21

Arabellla · 26/12/2023 18:14

Not sure why everyone is laughing like hyenas, OP. The parents lives should revolve around their dc but it sounds like these parents made it utterly miserable for everyone else with a king everyone tip toe around.

I would opt out of spending Christmas there until you’ve had kids as well or their kids are a bit older.

Almost everything the OP lists as annoying affects no one else. I also wouldn't have planned the meal and presents around nap times but it doesn't seem unreasonable to me to not want people shouting next to a room with a sleeping baby in it. In someone else's house you often don't have much choice about where to put them to bed - and one of the ways they tried to mitigate it (sitting with the sleeping children so they could get them back to sleep if they woke) was also unacceptable to OP.