To hope that it doesn’t have to be like this?!

[Switchingoff]

I will probably be flamed for this as a non parent but it’s a genuine q.

Spent Christmas with 4 kids on DP’s side, ages ranging from 9mo to 2.5 (and their parents).

It was absolute non stop them clinging to or crying for there mummys, not listening when told they couldn’t do something dangerous etc (obviously mostly applies to the older ones), being super picky about food, who fed them, where they sat etc, waking up multiple times a night, parents getting pissy if anyone dared to so much as breathe too loudly when kids were napping / had gone to bed etc. Everything (Christmas meal, present opening etc) had to be timed around their completely different nap and meal times. Every possible source of light that might come under doors had to be removed. Parents had to stay with them once asleep or they would cry when they woke (several times a night) - largely applied to two of the under 2s. Or in another case spend an hour putting to sleep.

It was frustrating, exhausting and somewhat ridiculous tbh.

im sure when we were kids we had to go with the flow a bit more and would often just fall asleep in a room full of people and be put to bed when adults went up?

currently TTC but tbh this is putting me off! Does it have to be like this or can you parent differently?! Since when did EVERYTHING revolve round the kids and since when were they so unresilient?!

It's a bit ridiculous to expect things like adults' meal times to be organised around babies' naps, particularly if there's multiple babies/toddlers on different routines. But if you in any way think Christmas can be done easily just by parenting differently you're in for a massive shock. LOL at the idea that they will just fall asleep in a room full of people 😂. Christmas for parents of very young children is at best knackering, and at worst approaching hell on earth. When they're out of routine, trying to sleep in a strange place, over stimulated and over tired etc, it's not easy by any means. You'll learn.

This reminds me of before I had kids and said I would never allow screen time or any processed food 🤣

I don't tiptoe around when DD2 is napping, and didn't for DD1 either. But that doesn't mean it wasn't absolutely fucking enraging when BIL went to the loo at 2am last night and slammed the door shut, waking up 18 month old DD2. Why do that??
Since the OP is clearly exaggerating about not even being able to breathe when a baby was sleeping, it's not really clear what level of noise the parents were actually wanting, and therefore how unreasonable (or otherwise) they were being.

Thank you for correcting. I was thinking that was a bit harsh and uncalled for 😁.

Breaking news, your life does revolve around your kids. Best get back on the pill @Switchingoff .

My sister was like this when her DC were young (the eldest was very high needs and both DSis and BIL were completely sleep deprived). So I did get it. What I did find a bit hard to forgive is that when mine came along 4 years later, she'd pretty much forgotten!!

4 kids under 3 was always going to be fucking bedlam and you were exceptionally naive to think otherwise

This is the gig you will be signing up for. Take note 😂

😳😆🫢

Jesus, this is is pisstake, isn't it?

Don't be silly. You know that's not what the OP meant.

😂😂😂
True story!

They don’t need to understand Christmas to be swept up in the excitement and notice things at different.

You remember your relatives as toddlers through the lenses of a child. I don’t particularly remember my cousin being a pain in the arse at Christmas. But everyone who was an adult does and this was in the 90s. I am sure they have a better recollection that I do.

Of course it can be better. You may get an easy baby or because the kids are older by the time you have one, yours may not be impacted as much

I was very much ‘let them sleep on the sofa and put them upstairs when they are asleep when we had big christmass. But that’s as the easiest way to get mine to sleep. Both mine preferred noise to sleep.

But that doesn’t mean they were good sleepers or stayed asleep even when they were at home. Hence tired stressed tetchy parents.

The point is no one brings their kids up think ‘how can I make sure we are the biggest pains in the arse’ they are likely just trying to get through Christmas and relax.

and for what it’s worth, I know plenty of adults who whose parents were laid back and the kids fitted around them. It doesn’t guarantee great outcomes.

I have a 2 year old. She's a bit out of routine. But not a single member of the family expects her to be able to sit through a 3 course meal at the table. No one expects her to skip a nap, because Christmas. Naps are important at this age because it stops them being utter monsters due to being exhausted. They can't go all day, it's physically impossible for them. No one expects a 2 year old to eat a full dinner. She did, however, eat some elements of it and request "more gravy".

If she was 4 or 5 then the expectations would be different. 4 kids under 3, I presume with at least 2 different sets of parents if not more, will have different needs and routines. And the parents will always want them to be as close as possible to normal to prevent being up ALL NIGHT following a crazy day.

Everyone thinks they can do it differently. But the reality is, when you have small children, life revolves around them because it has to.

Aw, Bless your heart @Switchingoff

don't fall into the "my child will..." trap.

Because your child won't 😁😂

When did I ever say this?!

I do have to add, when mine were little, I wouldn’t make everything silent and dark in order for them to sleep. But equally you do expect some “give” in the usual adult order of things to accommodate small children - such as reasonable meal times, a bit of shh late at night etc

I once made our son a pikachu pancake at about 3am when he was four, we were on holiday and he said if I made him one he’d be able to sleep. He’d had a crap night sleep every night of the holiday, if he had suggested I skin myself alive to help him sleep I would have happily done it.

Our two year old is going through a shit sleep phase, on the rare occasion she falls asleep in her bed without one of us laid in it, we have to silently army crawl out of her room in the hopes she doesn’t notice. If she notices you’re in a world of pain as then she’ll only sleep if she is laid on you.

Children have never been resilient by the way, it has just been traditional to ignore the needs of children as its more convenient for the adults.

The thing is OP that people vastly overstate the degree of control they have over their offspring. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable finding this tedious but you are being judgemental in implying that parents can control it.

As a pre-parent it’s very easy to say: “I will be a chilled parent” and “I won’t organise my life in such a way that it disrupts other adults lives just because I have a kid”. But actually your child may or may not go along with this.

So the parent who insists on having the room their child is sleeping in completely silent or dark may be being controlling but much more likely they are just sleep deprived and exhausted and desperately want a bit of downtime.

Yes it’s fucking annoying to be around but the onus is on you to choose not to put yourself in the middle of the situation. A parent of a toddler is basically trying to survive one of the most intense and demanding situations in their life. Your comfort levels are nowhere near being their priority.

They are all babies basically, 1 baby easy to work round but yes 4 together is going to seem like the whole world revolves around babies, which it does! As long as you don’t have quads op you will be fine

Since when did EVERYTHING revolve round the kids

They're babies and toddlers. Of course everything is going to revolve around them!

With meals it was so parents who contact nap could be there for example.

so 4 different mealtimes / meals 3 times a day for the kids, plus the adult meals.

4 different nap schedules, bath and bedtimes

barely any slots in the day available!

one parent got annoyed we started some presents while they were doing an hour long bedtime. But the next kid was half an hour off bedtime and has a parent stay with them once they go to bed. Another had just come back from the other side of the family and needed dinner. Etc etc

Once again, jeez, I’m not having a go. I’m asking if it’s ALWAYS (or nearly) like this

and this contact napping, going to bed with the kid or putting them to bed etc is normal for them not just a Christmas / change of location thing

I also have a chronic illness so have less energy than most which is another reason why I’m asking whether it’s realistic to hope! Thanks to the few of you who have given constructive and helpful responses. The rest of you, no need to be so rude 🙄

This.

Buckle up, OP. You're about to have a bumpy ride. Welcome to motherhood.

I’m asking if it’s ALWAYS (or nearly) like this

When you have four small children from different households in different routines then yes, it will be like this. Young children are exhausting and take up practically all of your time and energy.

That's why I don't have any

They they should stay home instead of inflicting silence and darkness on other people. Not sure why you think OP should care about their comfort if they don’t care about hers.