To hope that it doesn’t have to be like this?!

[Switchingoff]

I will probably be flamed for this as a non parent but it’s a genuine q.

Spent Christmas with 4 kids on DP’s side, ages ranging from 9mo to 2.5 (and their parents).

It was absolute non stop them clinging to or crying for there mummys, not listening when told they couldn’t do something dangerous etc (obviously mostly applies to the older ones), being super picky about food, who fed them, where they sat etc, waking up multiple times a night, parents getting pissy if anyone dared to so much as breathe too loudly when kids were napping / had gone to bed etc. Everything (Christmas meal, present opening etc) had to be timed around their completely different nap and meal times. Every possible source of light that might come under doors had to be removed. Parents had to stay with them once asleep or they would cry when they woke (several times a night) - largely applied to two of the under 2s. Or in another case spend an hour putting to sleep.

It was frustrating, exhausting and somewhat ridiculous tbh.

im sure when we were kids we had to go with the flow a bit more and would often just fall asleep in a room full of people and be put to bed when adults went up?

currently TTC but tbh this is putting me off! Does it have to be like this or can you parent differently?! Since when did EVERYTHING revolve round the kids and since when were they so unresilient?!

Aw, I remember being similarly deluded pre kids.

No I do agree with you about the noise! I'm quite a new mum, but I do try to faithfully keep volume levels 'normal' when baby is napping, but I do appreciate I've got a baby I can be like that with!

Oh don't be ridiculous. I've known lots of kids who happily and contentedly fell asleep in prams in the corner of weddings, etc.

Unless we're actually talking about abuse or neglect there's no need to be a judgemental duck whether you think other people are being too precious or not child-centred enough. Children are different, parents are different, lives are different and we're mostly all doing our best. Whatever you do in a few years no one will give a toss how your child slept and there's no gold prize for either being the most perfectly attuned, child-led parent or for being the most chilled, cool mummy.

I'm sure your little angel will shit rainbows and scatter moonbeams wherever it goes whilst being the most resilient and in attention seeking little angel hun

But then you were extremely lucky to have babies that would fall asleep in the corner at a party.

All mine would have got more and more agitated and hysterical and over tired and screamed until vomiting and trust me no one wants that at a party. Far from not being a chill mum I had every intention to take them wherever and let them sleep in their prams or be held by anything who fancied it and to hell with routine but my kids didn’t get the memo.

Being sleep deprived for months and years on end is truly horrific- don’t judge it if you haven’t been there. Some babies just get overtired if they have disturbed naps and routines then sleep is worse at night and so the cycle continues - so for your own sanity you do every thing (ANYTHING!) to preserve their sleep. I’ve been there with feeling hysterical at a passing police car with sirens on because it’s woken my sleeping baby after it took a 60min pram push to achieve that sleep.

Maybe be kind and let them do what they need and just chill somewhere in your non regimented bliss or if you can’t then don’t spend time with families with very small babies and children.

At the end of the day how did it actually impact you if they were picky with food or the parent needed to stay to settle them? Unless you were competing with the kids for time with the adults in which case you weren’t ever going to win that one at Xmas.

Think you might need to have a little think about the reality of parenthood before you get there.

You definitely didn't need to point out you're not a parent yet.

This is 100% normal behaviour for all toddlers. Toddler's a dependent on their parents emotionally and pretty much only have a sense of self. Some will be obedient but many won't. Their behaviour has little to do with how they are parented and more to do with emotional maturity, or lack thereof.

Had to smile at this post because I would (and probably did!) say the same thing years ago when we were TTC (winding up in years of IVF ironically)...

Yesterday my 2 year old twins were absolutely chaotic. I tried my best to keep to their usual routine (didnt head over to family for Christmas dinner until post nap) but nevertheless it was utter carnage. They clinged onto me non stop, screamed, threw tantrums and didn't take a blind bit of notice of their presents (some still remained unopened!). It was a very stressful day for me in all honesty OP and I assumed that this year would be magical...

I'm taking joy in the fact many on this thread have said this is the norm and it gets easier in years to come, but hate imagining my family would have been looking at my babies and thinking how difficult they were!

On the plus side Op they grow up. I have had an amazing Christmas with my 2. They are 12 and 19 and the last 5 or 6 Christmas have been amazingly chilled.

Just the 3 of us (well dad came from breakfast) wouldn’t stop that for the world. It was worth a few stressful ones when they were small.

Lol you found it frustrating and exhausting? Imagine how the parents feel.

If you’re wondering about having kids, this is a reality. You may have an ‘easy’ baby, or you might not.

Of course everyone else is affected. OP and others are being shushed anytime they speak above a whisper and are expected to sit in the dark and time meals around separate nap times.

It sounds an utterly miserable Christmas. These parents would have been better off having Christmas at home with their own little families instead of curtailing everyone else’s Christmas.

Ooh OP do come back and share more of your wisdom with us

Yabu sounds very normal
and you say when you were younger You’re probably remembering older children!
you won’t even have memories under age of three apparently
things change once they are older and not napping anymore and generally sleeping through
but in another environment it will be chaos

I would NEVER do those things at home with my kids. Bedtime is short and sweet, and never includes staying with them until they’re asleep.
Staying over at someone else’s house, with the excitement of Christmas and other people being there? All bets are off, you do whatever you have to do to get them to asleep. And maybe the parents also have had enough and using the excuse of staying with the kids for some peace 😆

Also, are they all the first child in each family? As I'm sure we are all fairly rigid and anxious with the first, you relax more with each subsequent kid.

Presumably you’ve heard of terrible twos? 😁
And the younger ones are literally babies even though they look like tiny people toddling around they still have the brain of a baby.

Don’t worry though… it’s okay to find other people’s children very hard work. Your own child probably won’t grate on you that much.

I have a 2.5yo and the idea of spending Christmas staying at someone else’s house with 3 other small children is pretty hellish.

This is very good advice.

Meh I find it over the top. A lot of parents act like the world revolves around their kids and their militant routines, instead of going with the flow. It’s so boring. A baby can survive being a little out of routine for a day, but everyone acts like it’s the end of the world. Most of the time, it’s just parents being precious and pedantic. I find it very irritating.

Mine isn’t much older and I never expected anyone to change anything around me. If the baby is asleep during lunch then so be it, I’ll feed him after…etc. Never expected anyone to tiptoe around either. Having kids is a more enjoyable experience if you can just blend in with them.

I think in truth OP it just varies massively depending partly on the parents but much more on the child(ren).

I had one child and no my life was not curtailed and restricted in the way you describe at all - but she was (and is) a laid back and easy going individual. So we didn't need iron-clad inflexible routines other people had to fit around, and we didn't have to go to bed early with her when on holiday or anything like that.

I'd like to say that was down to my and my ex's super-cool, chilled adaptability as parents, but I am sure it's just that she was an easy baby!

(It's also undoubtedly true with childcare as with anything else that some people like to be negative and make it sound like a Hellish experience in martyrdom, while others like to be more positive and focus on those aspects more. I don't mean that judgementally either actually - I can tend to be mindlessly optimistic about my circumstances, and that can be just as unhelpful as it's opposite).

Nobody can predict the future and know how it will be for you. Certainly best thing I have ever done in my life, as my daughter is the greatest gift I have ever known.

This. And also there were four of them together so it probably made it seem endless.

Unnecessary.

It doesn't have to be entirely like that and definitely not all like that. Some parents do pander too much and seem to make a rod for their own backs.

I don't remember ever having a Christmas like this when my dc were babies! But then mine have always just fitted in with what I was doing, not the other way round!

im sure when we were kids we had to go with the flow a bit more

How detailed are your memories of being under 2.5?

Nope, I'm childfree and that is pretty much what it's like being around parents and kids these days. Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING, runs around the habits/whims of the kids. And you're expected to go along with it and be cheerful about it too.

On the plus side, if you're planning to have kids you'll be joining them so 🤷‍♀️

God, such abuse.
as stated it was a genuine question.

to clear a few things up:
it wasn’t judgmental and I wasn’t saying mine would be any better. Hence the q about whether it HAS to be like this ie can I hope it might be better?!
I have friends who aren’t like this with their kids and wondered if it was the exception or the rule.
and yes I am one of the oldest of my generation in my large family so I do remember what it was like when we were KIDS! I didn’t say when we were all toddlers but yes I was still a child when others were toddlers.
AND none of these kids understand Christmas btw.